A Bounty of Paint Pots
by SLimac
Summary: Emma's not supposed to be at the art therapy class her best friend Elsa runs, but it's there that she meets Killian Jones, discharged from the navy after an accident and doctor mandated to attend. Emma doesn't want to deal with anything. Killian is forced to deal with everything. When they meet things clash and change. Will the shake up be enough for them to face their own ghosts?
1. Nap Time

_A/N:_ I'm back! Hopefully some of you have stuck around. Sorry for the massive wait. Hopefully I'm not too rusty with this whole thing. University got busy now that it's the push for grad school. I've even been too busy to stay caught up with the second half of this OUAT season. I was also not sure how I wanted to approach this one since I wanted to do something centered around a art therapy class and I wanted to do it right. I work as a mental health advocate when I'm not in school so I'm concern with getting this_ right._ Hopefully I can. I'm just about to start exam season but I didn't want to wait any longer to start developing this story so we'll see how this goes. Not sure what my update schedule will be for the next while but hopefully you all like what I'm creating. Let me know what you think! Thanks and enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belongs to the show's creators.

Emma was late. Well, not late for anything she_ had_ to do. But she was late if she wanted to go completely unnoticed. She ground her teeth in frustration as she circled the lot once more, windshield wipers beating a steady rhythm, the rusty left break squealing as she settled for a spot far too distant from the door. It had been raining so much lately that they'd seized up, her beloved Bug showing its age like an arthritic old woman in damp weather. But if she waited any longer she would interrupt the class trying to slip in. Which probably wasn't a good thing considering she wasn't actually supposed to be there.

Parking, Emma got out, slung her bag over her shoulder and hurried across the lot, reaching the door in record time. Once inside she shook out her hair, tiny droplets spraying across the glass door as it shut. The building was quiet, most people hidden away in the myriad of offices and clinics since it was still within the work day. Sitting at the large grey desk in front of her was Belle, the receptionist for the entire floor, who rolled her eyes at Emma's hurry then smiled widely, waving her towards the first door on the left. Even though technically Emma wasn't supposed to be there no one actually said anything about it.

"Thanks, Belle," Emma called as she moved towards the door. She paused at the threshold, listening through the crack in the door. A soft voice came through, listing off gentle instructions on how to properly use the cakes of watercolour pigment. A few moments later the guidance ended and there was a rustling of paper on desks and the gentle lap of water as paint brushes were dipped into the little glass dishes, all with hand painted snowflakes on the side. Emma used the movement as her cover and slipped through the space of the ajar door, smiling because she knew Elsa had left it open specifically for her.

The class inside the bright workshop was small, a select group of people either there because of doctor's orders or because Elsa, the teacher, thought they could use the safe space. The majority of the people were already at work, painting gentle brushstrokes across thick ivory paper, oblivious to the new person in the room. Most had also seen her before, coming out of the attached office room after class, so that helped with her unobtrusiveness. Emma scanned the faces as she scurried along the front wall, covered in a mural the patients added to at the end of each session. She recognized all but a few, sitting in the back corner. The look on their faces told her exactly what she needed to know- doctor mandated.

Very few seemed happy to be ordered to attend Elsa's art therapy class. At least at first. By the fourth or fifth session Elsa's calm nature and experience of her own battles with agoraphobia usually convinced them she could be trusted and they would be won over. She had a way of relating to those feeling lost, alone, exhausted. And maybe that was why Emma had gotten along so well with the blonde woman when they first met five years prior.

"You're late," Elsa whispered as Emma hurried past her.

"But I caught him," Emma replied which earned her a small and reserved smile. She'd give Emma a more enthusiastic answer when they weren't in public.

Finally, Emma reached the door to the small office and let herself through. It was a cubby of an office, but one that Elsa had made the most of. Drawings coated the walls, some tacked up with pins, some stuck up in an elaborate series of glittering blue clothespins. Everything Elsa had added was colourful, trying to make up for the faded beige walls. Shelves covered the farthest wall, art supplies in buckets and baskets, all organized by both type and colour. And there were reams of paper everywhere. A small architect's desk and paint splattered stool served as Elsa's workspace when she wasn't teaching an art therapy class.

Emma tossed her bag onto the floor by the desk and flopped down on the light grey couch pushed up against the far wall. The springs creaked like old friends, welcoming her back to her favourite napping spot, as Emma shrugged out of her red leather jacket. She toed off her brown boots, pushing them across the beige tile towards her bag, then unclipped her handgun from her belt, before curling up against the back of the couch.

A health clinic might seem a strange place to nap, and really it was, but for Emma, who was used to a lifetime of sleeping in strange places and foreign, temporary bedrooms, it was natural. It was also practical. Emma lived outside of the city where cheaper rent allowed her to actually have her_ own_ space, rather than live with half of the population of South Boston in a closet sized apartment. But because of her job as a bail bondsman, leaving the city when her target was going to be somewhere that night, or she was waiting on a time sensitive call, really didn't make any sense. She was in the business of catching people and that was hard to do when you were stuck in rush hour traffic. Emma could be going for hours tracking and questioning and dragging people back to the precinct she primarily worked with so she slept when she could. And that just happened to be when in the tiny comforting and artsy office Elsa was teaching her art therapy class. Not that Elsa minded. Best friends were good for that.

Tucked into the tweed cushions, Emma let herself drift off, knowing Elsa would wake her in two hours.


	2. Not a Cartoon Situation

A/_N:_ Here's the second chapter. I'm glad there's some interest in the story already. This chapter gets a little dramatic for a second chapter but there's a point to it for later on in the story. And as any of you who've read my stuff before you know, I love a little drama in my stories. Enjoy and let me know what you think! Thanks!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to the show's creators.

_"Emma!"_

Emma bolted upright, hand going for her gun that was no longer attached to her waist. It was a natural habit, the movement of the gun replacing her old reaction of covering her head and bracing for impact. The cry had come from the classroom so Emma pitched herself off the couch and sprinted out, socks slipping on the cold tiles.

There was a crashing outside of the classroom door, the sound of chairs being tipped over. Elsa stood at the front of the class, trying to corral the patients back to their seats and fend of the several panic attacks Emma could see rising. This wasn't the first time Emma had been called to help with a physical restraint in the building but she couldn't see anyone in the workshop needing such an intervention. Emma narrowed the distance between herself and Elsa so she could hear her frantic whisper.

"One of the criminals from the prison, they got lose during an evaluation session." Elsa's own voice was coloured with anxiety, as her eyes flicked towards the closed door. "He's threatening Belle to give him her car keys with a knife."

"Security here?" Emma asked, moving towards the door. Violence from inmates wasn't unheard of in the building as there was a forensic psychology team on site that did evaluations for the two federal prisons in the area. Of course the man would go for keys instead of running, cars were faster to get away. There wasn't really anywhere to go here on foot because the place was off a massive highway.

"Lax. Trying. They're trying to handle the panic this has brought on and evacuate people out of the area. Police have been called."

Emma nodded. In other words, situation escalated, Belle in danger and the only way this is going to end without police fire was if she dealt with it. Security at the site really wasn't trained for something of this magnitude, nor were they reputably very good, hence Emma's occasional involvement.

"Let me help," an accented voice called from behind her, booted footsteps clicking up to her. Emma curled her fingers around the door as she turned her head to face the helper, fighting back an eye roll or nostril flare because that would make Elsa mad.

The man was handsome, dark haired and impossibly blue eyed, a small scar on one of his wind burnt cheeks. Standing taller than Emma and dressed all in black, he carried himself with a swagger that did not impress Emma, even though it was clearly designed to entice all women. A worn and creased leather jacket covered his broad shoulders and jeans with a nearly leather like finish did little to hide the formal set of his legs when he stood straight. To Emma the man was far too handsome for her to have any interest in dealing with.

"Sit down and stay back from any windows or doors," Emma replied as calmly as she could, completely out of time for someone's attempt at heroics when her friend was in danger.

"No, I'm serious, lass. You could use my help." A frustration Emma didn't quite understand coloured the man's face. Did this man not know what kind of a situation they were in? This was not some cartoon where the handsome man got to be the hero while everyone else swooned and cheered.

"Look,_ lad,_ now is not the time for heroics so go back to your paint and colour," Emma barked before slipping out the door. Elsa would be furious at her reaction but Emma could deal with that later. Right now she had to take control of this situation.

Belle was pushed up against her desk, face pale and eyes wide. The man who was Emma's target stood in front of her, knife brandished, jaw set, completely focused on her. "Give me the keys," he growled. Belle shook her head, and Emma had to smile at the brave defiance that quiet, unassuming Belle was showing. Emma took a few more sock quieted steps closer, banking on not being seen yet as the man had his back to her. He was a few inches taller and much broader than Emma but she wasn't bothered by that. She'd dealt with bigger. Of course the bigger the person the bigger the injury to her was usually, but she couldn't focus on that now.

A few steps closer and Belle's eyes locked on to Emma. Even twenty feet away Emma could see the huge intake of breath she had. And apparently so could her assailant who whirled on Emma._ Shit._

Emma raised her arms, hands fisting, then braced herself as the man jumped at her. The trick of a knife fight was knowing getting cut was inevitable so Emma struck out at the knife hand without reservation, looking to grab it. The man twisted the knife towards her. She pulled back as he swung at her, but at the same time his other hand came up, clocking her in the neck. Emma groaned, vision and breath going for a second. She'd feel that later. Probably see it too. Capitalizing on the man's momentary attention diversion back to Belle who was dialing the phone, presumably calling the police again, Emma grabbed the hand that had just hit her and twisted, throwing all her weight into it.

The man squealed as she twisted, straining his muscles to the point of pulls and tears. The knife flew towards her as he attempted to fend her off but Emma just twisted harder, forcing him downwards until he was low enough she could get her foot onto his chest as well, increasing the pressure. Belle ran out as Emma was forcing the man down, bending her knee at a strange angle to avoid being stabbed by the knife. In a quick motion Belle kicked the weapon out of the man's hand, the metal ringing against the tile as it skittered towards the door.

"Elsa, my handcuffs are in my bag." Emma turned the man over so his stomach was against the ground, still keeping the twisted pressure on his arm. She sat with her knee against his spine as she waited for Elsa to bring out her handcuffs since this man had presumably got out of his own earlier.

"Elsa was busy. Panic attacks, you know. Messy business." The accented man's voice was back again, this time as he stood behind Emma, dangling her cuffs. This close Emma could see the man had a stump in place of a hand, bandaged in creamy coloured pressure wrap, the tip of the wrap stained black from where he must have been forcing it into his pants pocket constantly.

"Did you dig in my bag?" Emma asked, irritated that this man wouldn't just sit down and stay out of the way. She was also equally uncomfortable with the idea of someone other than Elsa touching or seeing her things. Emma liked her life kept private and she did her best to keep it that way.

"Did you want these or should I have brought you some of my paints instead?" The man seemed equally irritated at Emma.

Emma rolled her eyes but accepted the handcuffs as the prisoner squirmed underneath her. "Thanks." The metal handcuffs clicked shut as the police siren wailed into the parking lot. Police piled into the building, several of whom Emma knew and had worked with. She got up and hauled the prisoner up with her.

"Graham," she called, picking out a friend in the crowd of officers. She gave the handcuffed man a little shove towards the brown haired man, who caught him. "Next time drive faster so I don't have to do your work for you."

Graham chuckled as he secured the man's hands with his own set of handcuffs and motioned for the handcuff key Emma kept on a small metal keychain in her pocket. "When will you join the department?" Graham asked as he returned Emma's handcuffs to her.

"When you let me wear my red jacket instead of a uniform. And take someone who hasn't got any formal training." Emma said the last bit as she walked back into Elsa's workshop, not really concerned if her words were heard or not. She and Graham had had that conversation a hundred times before and they would probably have it a hundred times more.

Elsa was in the back of the workshop, dealing with her group. She'd talk to her later, or rather Elsa would call and force Emma to actually communicate how she was feeling about the events and how she handled them. For now it was better to leave Elsa to do her job and get out of the way before people realized what she had done. Which was what Emma preferred anyways.

"I guess you didn't need my help," accent man said, following her into the small office. Emma huffed. Would he ever leave her alone? She didn't want anything from him and it was better if he got that sooner rather than later.

"I told you that," Emma answered as she slipped her boots back on. She clipped her gun back into its holster and grabbed her bag and jacket, not even bothering to put it on. She just wanted out of there.

"Don't need anyone's help?"

"No." Emma pushed past accent man out of the office and back towards the workshop door. At least he seemed to understand Emma's independence.

"Do I get to know your name?"

"No."

"Come on, what's it going to hurt?"

_Me._ Emma didn't answer and instead pushed into the crowd of police. She didn't have time for men, especially one that handsome. That was trouble and Emma clearly had enough trouble in her life without adding a healthy dose of the blue eyed kind. As quickly as she could Emma slipped out of the healthcare building and into the rain, leaving accent man somewhere behind her.


	3. Unfocused

_AN:_ So sorry this took so long in getting up. I was busy finishing exams. I planned to get this up yesterday but I had a shitty night and a fight with my sister (which never happens) and couldn't concentrate on the writing. Hopefully you'll still be interested in reading this chapter which is a set up for the next part of the story. Enjoy and let me know what you think! Thanks.

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to the show's creators.

Emma spent the afternoon driving around, trying to decide what to do with herself. Her fingers kept bouncing on the wheel, jittering and uncontrolled. She kept pulling into parking lots to take a break and try to decompress but there was just something stopping her from relaxing. Relaxing usually wasn't a problem at getting over a takedown. Emma was very good at squashing emotional things into a tiny locked box and she'd done it enough to be desensitized to the process.

Eventually she gave up and turned for home. She wasn't focused enough to go to the station and see if anyone had jumped bail recently and the old bug wasn't exactly great on gas to be driving around aimlessly. Traffic was just starting to get bad when she merged onto the highway, bent for the quiet neighbourhood where her apartment was nestled.

It took her forty-five minutes to get to her place, including a ten minute stop for some pho at a local place. Emma pulled into the pot hole filled driveway just as the rain started to end. The stopping downfall did nothing to help the muddy wasteland which was the space of land between her car and apartment door. Emma rolled her eyes, her landlord really needed to fill the holes with gravel. Maybe if Emma got sucked into one of the holes her landlord would finally listen to her complaints and do something about it.

Tucking her bag of takeout under her arm Emma tip toed through the slop to the mint green door, letting herself into the apartment. The apartment was half of the ground level floor of an old refitted Victorian manor, consisting of a single bedroom with an ensuite, a kitchen Emma rarely used, a living room that was always lit with coloured light from the windows which were partially paned with stained glass and a small powder room. It was pretty unassuming but it made Emma happy. Whenever she was mad about the shitty driveway or the way her taps leaked when the upstairs tenant took too long a shower she just reminded herself of the homes she was cycled through as a child. This apartment was a million times better than some of the closet-like rooms she was forced to share with two or three other foster children.

Emma dropped the food on the counter and shrugged off her leather coat, tossing it on the back of the overstuffed blue chair she and Elsa- well mainly Elsa- had reupholstered the summer previously. Most of the furniture in her house was things Elsa and she had found at a yard sale or on the side of the road and fixed up. All the art on the walls was Elsa's as well, her fascination with her Nordic heritage showing through in the intricate patterns lovingly worked into the paintings. Having a best friend as artsy as Elsa was a big help in decorating on a miniscule budget.

Emma grabbed her pho from the bag and flopped down on the ice blue velvet couch, nudging the tv on with a stretch of her leg. She ate and tried to concentrate on the food network show in front of her. And failed miserably. The day kept cycling through her head, images of the hostage situation and that man with the foreign accent who had wanted so desperately to help.

There, it hit her why she was so unfocused. It was him. That too handsome face. The constant asking to help._ She didn't need help._ Couldn't he see that? That hadn't been a situation in which some random could just save the day. But it wasn't just that. It was the way he'd kept trying, how he hadn't given up on helping her after a no like most people did. Emma could be pretty nasty after all when her independence was being threatened. Emma's mind started to wander to who the man was, what had brought him to Elsa's class and how he'd lost his hand. She wanted to know his story. Which never happened because then he'd have to learn hers.

Cursing herself and her strange interest she put down what was left of her supper and, flinging her arm over her head, forced herself to go to sleep and escape the discomfort.

She was roused a little while later by her door opening. Emma bolted upright, furious she'd left the door unlocked, expecting the worst case scenario images of a foster parent busting into her bedroom after finding a spot on the dish she'd washed earlier or a certain man who'd been in her life when she was older but certainly not more prepared to deal with.

But it wasn't any of the things that had rapidly cycled through her mind at the entrance. It was Elsa, hair wet and heeled leather boots muddy. It must have started to rain again while she was sleeping.

"Asleep already?" Elsa asked, eyes reading the room carefully as she moved away from the door. The cautiousness would never leave her in Emma's opinion. Elsa had spent to many years scared and alone for that scar to fully heal.

"Circumstances demanded it," Emma answered pushing herself upright. Elsa tossed her long trench coat over Emma's jacket then sat in the chair they were both draped over.

"You mean Killian demanded it?"

Emma shot Elsa a confused look. She didn't recognize the name. "The prisoner?"

"The man you so kindly yelled at for trying to help."

Emma groaned, a sound somewhere between apologetic and exasperated. "The guy only would have gotten in the way."

Elsa shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. Before his injury Killian was an officer in the royal navy, highly ranked too. So, I'd say he'd be pretty decently trained."

Emma cursed and put her head in her hands. So that was why he was so eager to help. And Emma hadn't even stopped to consider if he'd be anything more than a nuisance to her. If only she wasn't always so scared. "I didn't know."

"I know," Elsa answered softly, recognizing Emma's feelings and knowing when to stop pushing. "Killian is a really nice guy. I think you'd really like him."

"Are you telling me to get involved with one of your clients?"

"Absolutely not," Elsa replied quickly, flicking her hair behind her shoulder. "But as a friend I'm telling you that should you want to get to know Killian of your own volition, I would be rather pleased."

Emma rolled her eyes. "You're ridiculous."

Elsa held up her hands like a diplomatic queen. "I'm_ just_ saying that if you want to have your naps Thursdays at four, my office is always open." Emma chucked the cushion she'd been sleeping on at Elsa's head who dodged it neatly before grabbing the remote control from the floor and changing the channel to some ice skating championship.

They didn't talk about Killian for the rest of the night. Elsa ate the rest of the pho and they watched TV in companionable silence. Elsa knew when to push and when to hold back. And she also knew how to plant a thought in Emma's head that would stay there for days.


	4. Schedule Change

_A/N:_ Thanks so much for your kind reviews! They really do make my day. I really enjoyed writing this chapter and hope you like it just as much. It may not be exactly what you all are waiting for but I hope it's enough to kind of get you curious of where the story's going. The next chapter (or possibly the one after that, depending on how carried away I get) will give you more of the interaction I think you all are waiting for. Please let me know what you think and enjoy! Thanks!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Emma certainly wasn't going to be returning to Elsa's class on Thursday. No. And it wasn't because of what her friend had said. No. Emma was busy. She had a bail jumper to catch. Emma spent the entire evening staking out a bar that was her mark's usual stomping ground, waiting. She caught sight of the guy around ten, the man waltzing in like he owned the place. It never failed to both amuse and concern Emma how glib they could be. A few well-placed flirty looks and she had the guy practically hanging off her shoulder. It really wasn't hard to do and Emma knew very well the allure she could have when she wanted it. An invitation to take it to her place had him out of the bar and ten minutes later the bail jumper was handcuffed to the inside of her car. The man cursed her out the entire way to the station, struggling against the wire ties Emma had secured around his ankles and wrists once she had him attached to the holy shit bar on the roof with her handcuffs. Emma made sure the man saw her collect her bail check before giving him a smug smile and leaving.

But just because Emma was busy Thursday didn't mean she was busy Friday. Since she'd already got paid for the week for catching the joy riding, car thieving horn dog the night before Emma was having a pretty easy Friday. There was the possibility of getting a call for an easy mark later that night but for the time being she had some free time. Emma showed up around three at the health care centre and waved at Belle as she entered.

"Thought you would have come in yesterday," Belle called as Emma made her way to Elsa's class room, pleased she didn't have to worry about running into Killian, which she considered a major perk to her schedule change. Friday's were a different class, usually reserved for the people who needed a little extra attention than what the other larger classes gave.

"I was busy. Took down a car thief," Emma replied, not turning all the way back around to answer so as to hide the cringe that involuntarily showed up at the question. Of course Belle didn't know the real reason behind Emma's change in schedule but the fact that it was noticed was still embarrassing. Emma wasn't even comfortable admitting it to herself.

Emma entered the brightly lit classroom just as Elsa was setting up trays of oil pastels, the boxes they were kept in tucked under her arm. A few of the clients were starting to trickle in and find spots at the places that were ready. Elsa looked over her shoulder as Emma came in and smiled at her, as if she was completely expecting Emma to show up on a day she normally went home early if she'd had a bust earlier in the week.

"Can you grab me some more paper?" There was something about the small smile curving Elsa's lips that made Emma curious. Maybe she was happy because she'd sold an art piece or something.

Emma nodded anyways and made her way to Elsa's office, ducking around the ajar door. Inside she stopped suddenly. Because she wasn't alone. Accent man, Killian was also there, all in black denim and worn cotton. Hand grasping a pile of paper. Seemingly on the same mission Elsa had just sent Emma on.

As soon as she entered and caught Killian's attention he froze as well. Paper drifted down from his hand, scattering across the floor, a few pieces coming to rest against Emma's boots. At least she could take some solace in Killian not being in on Elsa's plan because he looked just as surprised to see her as she was to see him.

"Why are you here?" Emma blurted, filter gone in shock.

Killian shot her a look somewhere between exasperation and irritation, maybe even a bit embarrassed that he was at the class for those in need of some extra therapy help. "Because," he answered, attempting to regain his swagger while Emma swallowed her own embarrassment. "Why are you here?" Killian shot back.

"Because," Emma repeated which earned her a little smirk from Killian. They stood looking at each other, a standstill of who would act next. Emma was painfully aware of how she'd treated him and how she'd refused to give him her name, even though she now knew Killian's. But that still wasn't enough to have her back down and tell him. It wasn't worth it. Emma kept her distance from any man who hadn't known her for years and had battled to stay in her life. She could count the men she was comfortable with on one hand- Graham, her adopted brother David and Elsa's brother in law Kristophe. Emma's roster was full, no chance of new recruits. She didn't need any more in her life.

After what seemed like an eternity there was a bustling behind Emma as Elsa came into the office. "Hello Killian, Emma," she smiled, stopping next to Emma. Neither of the two responded to her greeting. Subtly she tapped Emma's back as if to urge her to actually do something. After a few more moments Elsa sighed, seemingly giving up, and grabbed a pile of paper of the shelving. "Just came to get some paper," she said, not really directed at anyone before leaving the heavy atmosphere of the office.

The mention of paper seemed to remind Killian of the pile he'd dropped at Emma's entrance. Bending onto his knees he started to try and gather all the paper. As he didn't use his stump at all, instead tucking it slightly behind his back out of the way, he had a difficult time getting the thin and spread out sheets off the slippery tile.

"Here, I've got it," Emma said, bending as well and quickly trying to grab all the paper Killian was struggling with.

"Sod_ off_, Emma. I'm not some incapable cripple, I can do it myself," Killian snapped, instantly angry, grabbing the small pile out of her hands. The sheer fury in his voice reminded Emma of a voice she'd long tried to forget. She scrambled backwards out of panic, rational thought gone, barely avoiding falling on her behind as she tried to stand. On her feet Emma turned and left.

Elsa shot her a glance as she left the office, eyes widening immediately as she recognized the look that was painted all over Emma's face. It was one Elsa had seen many times. It was perhaps the only expression she'd seen Emma wear for the first few months after meeting.

Elsa caught Emma's arm just as she made it out into the lobby. Emma fought off the urge to rip her arm away and sprint out of the building, something Elsa had also seen from her many times. It was Elsa's voice that calmed her enough to stay where she was. "Emma, hold on. What's wrong? What did Killian do?" Elsa's voice and expression were a battle between defensive friend ready to go bury Killian in her backyard and therapist needing to protect her client's wellbeing.

Emma shook her head, trying to pull away. Belle's attention had been caught and the clacking of her heels echoed through Emma's head as she came closer to investigate. "Nothing," Emma replied. "Ne…no," she paused, taking a deep breath, "Killian, he just got angry really fast."

Elsa let go, arm falling against her side. "Oh." Recognition filled Elsa's blue eyes. Of course she would figure it out right away. Nothing got past Elsa's unassuming and clever gaze. "I know he scared you but Killian would never hurt you, Emma. There's a lot of stuff he needs to deal with."

"And I want no part of that," Emma replied firmly as Belle reached them, catching the last bit of the conversation. Belle and Emma were friends, not close like she was with Elsa but enough that Belle understood that something was very wrong and it had to do with Emma's past resurfacing.

Belle touched Emma's hand lightly. "I was just about to take my break," she said calmly. "How about you and I go get a coffee? Maybe at that new place down the road?"

Emma didn't feel like being around anyone but she knew that it would be far better for her not to run so she nodded. "Sure," she replied quietly. "I'll drive." Emma didn't miss the relieved glance Elsa shot Belle. Emma stepped away from Elsa and towards Belle's desk, eager to leave. "See you later, Els."

"See you, Ems."

Belle quickly grabbed her bag and followed Emma, who was barely in control of the tremors shaking her hands, out to her yellow bug.


	5. Trying to Explain, Trying to Understand

_A/N:_ Thanks for all the follows and favourites and reviews! Over 50 of you are following this story already and we're just getting started! Let me know what you think of this, the reviews really inspire me to write more and faster. Thanks so much!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Emma downed the last bit of her coffee, leg bouncing under the table. She knew Belle could feel the table move every time she bumped it but there was nothing Emma could do to stop it. Expelling energy that way was the only option she had that didn't involve bolting.

Belle had been quiet for the coffee session. Emma knew she was waiting to start talking about what had happened at the healthcare center and that knowledge but Emma even more on edge. What was she supposed to say? She'd nearly had a full-blown flashback and panic attack after being yelled at for trying to help? Belle was a secretary, she got yelled at all the time and the last thing Emma wanted was Belle thinking couldn't handle a single insult._ Context is everything_ Elsa's voice echoed through her head, the words Emma knew Elsa would use to try and make her feel valid in her emotional responses. Of course context was everything in understanding Emma's fears, in differentiating being insulted in a bail jumped context or when she was trying to help. Because for Emma there was a_ huge_ difference. But Emma wasn't going to tell Belle that._ No way._

"How are you feeling, Emma?" Belle asked, finally breaking the tense quiet._ There it was_. The thinly veiled curiosity at what set Emma, the tough and jaded Emma Swan off, made Emma's heart rate spike. It took a few long breaths through her nose to calm it again.

Emma shrugged, running her finger around the lip of her empty mug. Belle waited patiently as Emma gnawed on the side of her mouth. Finally Emma sighed, exasperated by it all. "Embarrassed."

"Because you freaked out?"

Emma nodded, glancing down at her jean clad legs. "It's been a while since that happened."

"Doesn't mean you've failed at recovering," Belle answered. Emma glanced back at her friend, an unexpectedly warm feeling going through her body at the gentle smile she was given. She didn't really have a response to Belle's statement. Not when sometimes it did feel like she was irreversibly back peddling. It was hard to remember the non-linearity of recovery when the process had been so unidirectional for the past few months. Emma just wanted to put it all behind her for good. She didn't want to think about what had happened, the shape she'd been in when she first met Elsa. And the resurfacing of the memories and emotions put her at risk for feeling it all again.

After a long period of silence Emma finally stood. She just didn't know what else to do that didn't involve her on the ground crying as images of the people who had been in her life who'd caused this precariously held together state. "Are you ready?"

Belle nodded, still understanding far more than Emma expected her to. Emma decided then that she had to make it a point to actually try and be a better friend to Belle. Belle stood, shouldering her purse and followed Emma out of the coffee house, making small talk about some of the dumb calls and questions she got on a daily basis. That conversation topic was a relief and one Emma happily engaged in on the way back to the healthcare center, adding her own stories about bail jumpers who'd gone around lording the fact that they were wanted in ear shot of people who would call the police, or those who sill tried to convince her that she could let them go and get cut into the profits of whatever illegal activity she was bringing them in for. It never ceased to surprise Emma how dumb some of the people she was exposed to could be and Belle seemed to feel the same way by the way she laughed as Emma pulled into the nearly empty parking lot.

Emma pulled right up to the door before stopping and letting Belle out. She had no desire to go into the building, even if Elsa was still in there. Just as Belle got out, the door to the healthcare center flew open with a frantic force and Killian rushed out at Emma's car. Emma's hand immediately shot to the door lock, it clicking in response just as Killian, who was ignoring Belle's order to go back inside, reached the car.

Emma slid the car into drive in order to get away, the panic welling up again. She desperately didn't want to be yelled at again. If she was she may have had to be driven home by Elsa. Beside her Killian wrapped his hand around the door handle.

"I'm not going to let go, lass, not until you let me explain," Killian called through the window as she started to drive away. Beside her he took a few steps along with the forward movement until he was struggling to keep a hold of the car. Even though he was stumbling he refused to let go. Emma was forced to stop, scared she'd run Killian over.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" Emma barked through the closed window.

"I'm trying to talk to you," Killian responded, frustrated, jaw working.

"Well you're really shitty at talking to me."

_"I know that,_ Swan. But I'm trying not to be. Can I explain?" Killian's eyebrow climbed his forehead, hand still grasping the door handle so tightly that the knuckles were white. There was no way she could get away that didn't involve crushing part of Killian with her Bug.

_"Fuck."_ Emma slammed the car into park and crossed her arms, turning towards Killian. She left the window up and locked. She knew the arm crossing might have been a bit too hostile but she would rather come across as a raging bitch than let Killian see how badly she was shaking.

"Swan," Killian started after drawing a deep breath. "I'm sorry for snapping, I didn't know you'd have that response. I just, well, it's not been that long. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to respond. I don't know how to handle my frustration. I don't know who I'm supposed to be now that I've been discharged. I just-" Killian released the door handle to sheepishly scratch behind his ear, unsure what to say next.

And Emma understood. She'd felt it all before. The anger at why such a thing had happened to her. The confusion and near paralysing fear as she tried to figure out how to move on. The times the determination to give up was stronger than the determination to get better. It was all terrifying. And overwhelming. And the progress, when it finally happened, was so totally gratifying that it was hard to remember exactly why giving up was an option, at least for a few moments.

Emma reached over and rolled down the window. There was just something about this persistent guy that made Emma want to forgive him. Killian's look of desperation faded when he noticed the open window, replaced by a tentative consideration, head cocked to one side slightly. "Look, Jones, just hold on for a while. Stick with Elsa. She knows what's up."

"What about you?"

"What about me?" Emma asked, confused.

"Are you going to stick around?" The look on Killian's face grew more hopefully at the prospect of Emma returning. Emma inadvertently found herself really wanting to see that look more often and she had no idea what would possess her to want that. The way it lit up Killian's handsome face was both terrifying and exhilarating for Emma. It made her both want to speed away and get out and never leave.

"Maybe," Emma replied, putting the car back into drive. Maybe she'd make a decision later. Maybe she wouldn't. She drove a few feet, Killian standing where she left him, shoulders slumped as he once again reverted back from the hopeful man she'd just seen. Emma sighed, cursing her own weakness or softness or whatever the hell possessed her in that moment, and pulled into the nearest parking space and got out.

Killian watched her walk over, jaw slightly slack with awe. Before he could say anything that might freak her out and cause her to bolt, Emma just held up a hand. "Shut up." After a moment's pause she added, "please?"

She kept walking into the building as Killian followed her, chuckling the whole way.


	6. Show Up, Shut Up

_A/N:_ Here's the next chapter. This one has a bit of swearing and heavy language/topics in it so hopefully you guys won't be offended or upset by it. I didn't mean to cut this chapter where I did but the interaction grew into something bigger than planned and much more important I feel. I'm doing my best to respect the situation and the characters and portray accuracy in the mental health topics. I hope you all like it! Let me know what you think! Thanks for the reviews, favourites and follows!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Emma walked into the building, ignoring Belle's inquisitive look which grew when Killian followed, still making delighted sounds to himself. She knew Belle had seen everything through the glass doors anyways and she was terrified of backing down on her word to Killian. Emma cursed herself;_ why couldn't she just be nice to everyone at once?_ It was like trying to meet one person's expectations was all her skittish heart could handle, any more and she'd run, no one getting anything.

Emma quietly opened the door to Elsa's therapy room and slipped in, leaving it slightly ajar for Killian. Killian followed her in, moving silently now that the laughter had quieted. The movements were so quiet that Emma missed him sidling up to her even more, their shoulders practically brushing and making Emma's nerves jump. Much to her relief Elsa was ending the class, dismissing them with her normal speech about letting go of stressors and triggers in an attempt to be present. Emma had heard the talk so many times from her days behind a desk at the back that she practically had it memorized. But at least she'd get out of there soon without having to spend too much time with the man beside her, the one she seemed to be totally different around and helpless to stop it. The students started to file out, sending quizzical glances at the two of them, standing so close together.

"I guess we missed it," Emma murmured quietly, pushing off from the wall. The movement caused their shoulders to connect and they both jumped at the contact, springing away from each other. Emma hadn't expected such a reaction from either of them. To cover it Emma kept moving until she reached Elsa's side, leaving Killian against the wall to calm himself down however he saw fit. Emma kind of wished that would be to leave.

"Welcome back," Elsa said softly as she started gathering up the supplies. "Didn't think you'd come back today." Emma shrugged in response, not really sure how to respond. She wasn't really sure why she_ had_ come back. Sure, it was Killian but why? It wasn't out of pity because Emma didn't pity. She'd been pitied enough to know that was the worst emotion ever to be on the receiving end of. Was it out of some kindness she hadn't seen in herself in ages? Was it because it was the right thing to do? Was it because she saw something she recognized from herself in him? "Whatever the reason," Elsa continued, knowing the thought pattern Emma would take, "I'm proud of you."

Again Emma didn't respond more than a shaky smile as she moved towards the back of the classroom to start gathering unused papers and pigments. The busy work would keep her distracted. After clearing several desks she reached her old one. It was in the back, the farthest back actually, and slightly rickety. The back leg on the table was about half an inch short. More than once Emma had cursed it out, frustration at her situation and shambled life bubbling over, and stormed out. She'd even flipped it on one occasion. And somehow, Elsa had still put up with Emma's shit long enough to see Emma in a way Emma couldn't even see herself and become her best friend. Emma shifted the papers to under her arm and ran her free hand across the surface of the desk. It was pock marked by scissor marks and covered in a rainbow of stains, the only area not coloured a divot in the table big enough to rest a pastel in.

Before Emma had been assigned to the class, a previous owner had carved his own name into the surface. The name hadn't even been spelled the same but as soon as Emma saw it she'd taken a knife from her back pocket and cut the chunk out of the table. Elsa had been furious that she'd brought a knife and carved up the desk but at the same time had fought the building's administrator to allow Emma to stay in her class once word had gotten out that Emma had come armed. The whole situation had made no sense to Emma, why Elsa would want her to stay when she was more trouble than she was worth. She still wondered that some days.

"You don't have to stay, Killian." Elsa's voice broke Emma from her revere. Emma startled away from the desk where she'd been tracing her finger across the exposed plywood of the missing desk top. Emma scanned the practically empty room until she noticed Killian gathering up some of the boxes of pastels. The boxes would get picked up with one hand, and then transferred to the other arm where it would be pinched between his side and arm.

"Oh, um, it's fine, least I could do," Killian replied sheepishly. The words were accompanied by a sheepish look and the movement of his handless arm in a way that Emma could tell he was trying to scratch behind his ear. The movement, obviously habit because for a moment Killian seemed to forget how he was compensating movements in his gathering, caused all the boxes to crash to the ground before he could even reach his ear, not that he had the hand to scratch anyways.

Killian cursed violently, this morning all over again, and Elsa rushed over to try and subdue him. Emma wasn't afraid this time because it wasn't directed at her but she froze anyways. She spared a thought at whether Killian had been left handed before. That possibility filled her with sadness. It made his fear make a bit more sense to Emma, feel a bit more real. Elsa reached out and touched Killian's arm softly, a common movement that Emma could practically feel from memory herself.

"Don't worry, Killian. You'll get the hang of this soon," Elsa murmured.

Killian didn't pull away, almost frozen by her touch. It was a touch that was disarming because it was both kind and firm. It made people listen without being threatening. "How long," Killian replied, just as softly but far less convinced.

"I don't have an answer for that."

"Then why am I here?" Killian stormed, emotional state switching immediately, tossing down the box that had been clamped in his good hand. "I'm not mandated by law."

"The navy doctor you see told you to," Elsa replied calmly, not even slightly fazed.

"Yeah, so I could be rehabilitated enough to get a fucking desk job. I don't want a fucking desk job. This colouring class is so pointless," Killian continued, gripping at his hair. "Why am I even here?"

The repeated question made Emma finally step forward after setting down the gathered supplies on the desk. "Because it fucking sucks out there too," Emma called, voice cutting through the noise Killian was making. Elsa turned slightly as Emma stepped forward, lip curving up into a smile which Emma filed away to address later. Killian focused on her as well. "This recovery business? Yeah, it's torture._ Fucking torture._ Worst thing ever. Especially when you don't want what you've been told to work towards. But you have to fucking flush that idea because you know what? This recovery isn't to be a paper pusher, for a pay check. It's more than that. It's for you. It's your life. So treat it like it means something. This whole business of working through and remembering everything? That's one of the worst things I've ever done and coming from me you know that's bad. You might as well catch the bubonic plague, it would be better than my life. But you know what? It's absolute hell without it. You think it's no worse out there without coping skills? Because let me tell you, it's way worse. Things catch up. Things pile up. And then you can't handle it. And you spiral. And you die. Or you're as good as dead. I ran away from this class you want to quit enough to be an expert in life without completing it. So listen up, Jones. Show up, shut up, and fucking listen to Elsa. You might find your life gets a bit brighter by the end of it." Emma finished her rant panting, palms clammy from where she'd clenched them.

Killian was staring at her, mouth gaping. Even Elsa looked shocked at her candid rant, far more than personal information than she'd expected had been said, or rather yelled, across the room at a practical stranger. But Emma had seen Killian ignoring and shutting out Elsa. The walk out was coming and then Killian would disappear and Emma didn't want to lose him, for some strange reason. Trying to process that now would make her brain explode.

"_Swan,"_ Killian murmured, still in shock. Emma raised a challenging eyebrow at him, the only forceful thing she could get out at that moment as the adrenaline crashed, making her feel like a zombie. After a few more agonizingly long moments Killian shook his head and then ducked down to collect a couple of the boxes in one of his large hands.

"I'm sorry, Elsa, will you allow me to stay?" Killian asked when he stood again, offering the probably smashed pastels to Elsa who took them with a grateful smile.

"Of course, Killian. And how about you forget about the pastels and you and Emma come with me to Granny's Diner. I think we could all use it."

"Thank you, lass. I think I'd like that."

Two sets of eyes turned to Emma, curious and seeking her answer. At the attention Emma nodded, almost in a trance and once again, feeling completely out of control when making the decision, she was roped into doing something with Killian.


	7. Granny

_A/N:_ Here's a long one. It's a bit more Killian and a bit more_ something something._ While this still isn't everything you might want out of Emma and Killian, I like to think that this chapter is a really solid start for them. I hope you all like it. Enjoy and let me know what you think! Thanks for all the lovely support! Also, sorry for the lack of schedule or anything, I've been super stressed lately and my OCD is getting bad again so I'm kind of just trying to write as I feel like I can, which often means only a bit at a time. Hopefully my writing is still okay, because sometimes it gets really hard to type and I also can't use certain words/capitalizations depending on how severe my OCD is.

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Killian rode to Granny's in Elsa's little blue eco-friendly car. Killian didn't have a car, apparently having walked to the healthcare center from a place about twenty minutes away so had to hitch a ride to Granny's. Thankfully Elsa had offered her car, her friend realizing that if Killian were to go with Emma, Emma wouldn't be able to handle it. Emma had wanted to cry relieved tears when Elsa led Killian away from Emma and towards a spot farther from the door. The whole idea of actually agreeing to go out with the other two was so foreign and unbelievable to Emma. Emma didn't agree to going out with the person she spent the day running from and yelling at. Emma got take out, went home alone and fell asleep on the couch shortly after.

But here Emma was, following the baby blue car down the street. The area they were in was like a little town. The streets were older and the buildings smaller. There was a small school the next street over, not a private one which was what was expected but small because the people around here cared about it and kept their kids in it rather than sending to a specialized or fancy school in another area. The sidewalks had cracks from use rather than the cracks in the downtown core that were from shoddy work. This area was a whole different beast. If Emma could have afforded it she would have lived in the area but to afford it she needed a roommate and Emma didn't live with anyone. Not anymore. If you could even call what she had done then living together.

Elsa pulled over in front of a retro diner, the big sign announcing Granny's hanging over the door. The place was friendly and welcoming, somewhere Elsa and Emma went frequently after Elsa's classes or where Emma went by herself, sometimes late at night, when she wanted to feel the family atmosphere, feel like she wasn't so lost. A hot chocolate with whip cream and cinnamon was a soothing balm over the nightmares that always became too real in that empty apartment.

Emma pulled over behind Elsa's car and got out after taking a huge breath through her nose. She could handle this, Elsa was with her. She wasn't alone. Elsa would take over talking to Killian. If not Emma could always say she got a text from the station and a perp file had come in. That was plausible. At least as far as Killian was concerned, though Elsa would probably get after her later once she figured out Emma had actually gone home to watch Food Network reruns.

Killian stood next to Elsa, hand and stump in his pockets. Emma stopped in front of them. Both Killian and Emma seemed to have no idea what to say- because what do you say when you've just screamed out some of the hardest things? When there's even more and the secrets could only go downhill?

"Shall we go in?" Killian asked, still a bit stunned and uncomfortable looking. Emma wondered what Elsa had said to him in the car. Had she provided an explanation for Emma's outbursts, both before and after the class? Had she explained why Emma had known so much about the class, about the process? Yes, Elsa couldn't divulge some things but the lines between therapist and best friend were so blurred beyond what Elsa was supposed to have that Emma couldn't be sure. If Elsa got it into her head that it would be better for Emma if Killian knew then she may have planted some thoughts on the drive over.

"Yes, let's," Elsa replied, the only one of the bunch who was completely unfazed. She opened the door and held it open until both Killian and Emma entered, she following behind.

They chose a booth against the wall, out of the way of the families having supper in the central area. It wasn't apparent whether Killian or Emma had turned towards the quiet area first but something told Emma that it wouldn't have mattered who actually chose, they seemed to have a similar feeling about avoiding the families. Granny's was bustling and bright, retro themed in every way, though the vintage signs and aluminum edged tables were original to the building, not bought second hand to create the true diner feel. Tourists found it charming and regulars found it comforting. The menu hadn't ever been changed, people from the neighbourhood eating the same thing at thirty five they did at five. And no one seemed to care that Friday's special was always grilled cheese and tomato soup or that the burger was always slightly overcooked. It was exactly what made Granny's,_ Granny's._

Emma sat closest to the wall, nestling into the corner. Killian had slid into the wall on the opposite side of the table but when Emma looked up and looked up and straight into his eyes, an uncomfortable shifting happened and Killian moved towards the outside of the table and buried his head in the menu, scanning very intently. Elsa sat next to Emma and gave her thigh a nudge when she noticed the reason for Killian's move. Emma found down the urge to roll her eyes. It didn't mean anything other than she made him uncomfortable. She did just yell some pretty touchy stuff at him after all.

"So what will you all have?" the resident waitress, Ruby asked, breaking the table's silence. "Emma, the usual?" Emma nodded and Ruby smiled. Emma liked Ruby, her sass and tough attitude. Ruby sometimes kept her company at two in the morning, nursing a coffee across from Emma as she waited for whatever had been bothering Emma to come out. Apart from Elsa, Ruby knew the most about her out of the few people in her life now, even though they only saw each other in the diner.

"Elsa?"

"A burger please, Ruby," Elsa replied.

Finally Ruby turned to Killian. She lounged on the side of the table, plainly running her eyes over the dark hair mussed from running a hand through it, the unsettlingly blue eyes that were dully watching the restaurant, the broad shoulders clad in leather. It was all there and Ruby seemed to appreciate every bit of it. It made Emma's hands clench under the table even though she knew Ruby had a boyfriend, some doctor at the local hospital, and had for a long while. Ruby just enjoyed an attractive man, plain and simple.

"And who have we here?" Ruby asked, chewing lightly on the end of her pen.

Killian turned to Ruby and his face changed, a light smirk perking up his lips. Emma narrowed her eyes at the change. It just didn't seem real. "Killian Jones, love. How do you do?"

"Very fine, thanks. What can I get you?"

"Today's special would be lovely. Grilled cheese and soup." Emma scrunched her lips together, of course that's what Killian Jones would order.

"Alright, hon, that will be right up. You just sit tight." Ruby disappeared to go put in the order, Killian watching her go.

"I've never been here before," Killian said turning back around.

"I can see that," Emma murmured, immediately regretting it when snort came from Killian which made Emma glare.

"That's Ruby," Elsa supplied calmly, the tone making Emma glower even more. "Ruby's grandmother owns the place, but Ruby runs it. Emma's good friends with her."

"Oh yes?"

Emma shrugged. "I guess."

"Ruby's the only one other than me she spends any time with." Again Elsa was telling Killian things about Emma's own life._ Personal_ things. Whatever game she was playing at, Emma wasn't a fan.

"I'm not some hermit," Emma snapped.

"That's fine, lass," Killian replied quietly, tapping the surface of the table to get her attention. "I myself have few people I'd consider spending time with on a regular basis."

"Who?" Emma asked, curious. Would they be like Ruby and Elsa? An old therapist and the waitress of her night haunt?

"Two Navy buddies, David Nolan and Robin Locksley. And I guess Dave's wife Mary Margaret, she'd be furious if I didn't mention her. Not that I've seen them in a while." Emma was jealous. The camaraderie Killian must have had with David and Robin, it was something she'd never really had. Sure she had Elsa and Ruby but she didn't have_ brothers._ Or sisters for that matter, though people sometimes mistook Elsa for one because of the blonde hair. But what Killian said next stopped the jealousy. "All the rest are dead."

"What do you mean?" Elsa asked, the therapist in her coming out at the confession. Killian chewed his lip, and his eyes got just a bit bluer, a bit glassier. Elsa may have asked a question but there wasn't really a response for Killian to give that wouldn't ache.

"Gone," Emma answered instead. "Might as well have taken you too, or at least any part that feels emotion. Though," she continued, as diplomatically as she could manage when her heart was breaking watching Killian fight for control. "Not sure if that's worse that not having anyone to miss. Is it worse to be born with a hole or get it later?" At least she had his attention now.

"Maybe we should compare notes," Killian finally said, the unshed tears in his eyes dried and gone and replaced with a kind understanding and curiosity. Emma looked down at the table and started chipping away at a dried piece of ketchup.

Thankfully Ruby showed up before Emma had to respond or she had to start hitting Elsa to get her talking instead. Ruby placed all the dishes down with practiced ease. At the smell Emma immediately started salivating. She'd had coffee earlier with Belle but the adrenaline and emotion of the day really took it out of her.

"Here, sweet pea," she said with a wink, positioning the plate in front of Killian. "Enjoy and come back soon."

"I may have to if I've got such charming company again," Killian drawled as Ruby turned away. It sounded like he was referring to Ruby but he was staring at Emma. Emma grabbed half the sandwich and shoved it into her mouth, literally the most unattractive thing she could have done. Killian snorted as Emma tried to swallow too big a bite.

"I see we have the same taste, Swan. Cheers?" Killian held up half his sandwich and raised an eyebrow. Emma rolled her eyes but hit her uneaten half against his sandwich when it became apparent that Killian had no plans of putting his down until she complied.

Everyone started eating and as they did it became more and more apparent why Killian had been studying the menu so hard. The injured arm never lifted off his lap and remained completely hidden. The spoon didn't even get lifted. Killian used the grilled cheese to sop it up. Emma added this to the filed away list of evidence that Killian had been left handed.

"This place is pretty good, you know?"

"I do," Elsa replied with a pleased grin. "I'm glad you came with us today."

"As am I, lass. I don't cook very much since I live alone. Keeping my own company doesn't really provide for a romantic diner atmosphere."

"Either does this place," Emma answered.

"Says you." Emma tried desperately not to blush at Killian's very directed statement and heated glare. As she felt the creep of heat come over her and glanced down at the table and ate the last bite of her sandwich.

"If neon signs and burnt hamburgers get the flagpole rising then who am I to stand in your way?" The innuendo made the flush spread and get hotter and she found herself curling her toes against an urge she'd squashed for many years. Emma threw a ten dollar bill down on the table and stood quickly, the silverware rattling as haste made her clumsy. "I'm going to hit the road. Elsa, you alright to drive Killian back?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you in a couple of days."

"I'll walk the lady out," Killian said and stood before Emma could argue. She shrugged because denying the gesture would just take longer and she wanted out now. Before she said or did something she'd regret (and enjoy, though the balance between the two was too undecided and dangerous to be pursued).

Killian followed Emma out the door and to her car, both silent. Emma had nothing to say and this had been Killian's idea. If conversation was to happen, it would be on him. When they reached the bug Killian grasped Emma's arm before she could cross to the driver's side and get in.

"Love, I just," he started before swallowing heavily. Emma turned to look at him but he still didn't release his hot grip on her arm. "I just wanted to thank you for being so honest today. And for coming back even though I don't, and never will, deserve it. You made today the best day I've had in a long time."

"Didn't look like it," Emma answered, not sure how to take the compliment.

"But I'm going to go home today and not stare at a bottle of rum and wonder if it's possible to empty it tonight before it interacts too much with my pain killers and I pass out on the counter. I think I might actually go for a run tonight."

If Emma didn't know how to take the previous compliment, there was no way she could even process this one. The statement floored her. What could she say? Don't do things like that? Like that was going to make a big difference. Killian was a bit farther in than what that answer could do. Elsa had pulled Emma back from the brink and Emma wasn't Elsa. She didn't know the right thing to say. Or do. All she wanted to do was get into her car and get out of the emotion saturated situation.

"I hear The Commons are really nice for running. Especially in this weather." It was all Emma could think to say.

"Thanks, love. I'll try that." Killian's hand slid down Emma's arm and grabbed her hand. Before Emma could pull away and throw herself into the car, Killian kissed her knuckles. "I'll see you around, Swan."

"Yeah, uh, around," Emma replied, flustered. Once her hand was released she hurried as fast as she could without looking completely panicked and got in. Killian watched her drive away, and much to her dismay Emma felt like she was running away from more than just an emotional day. She was also running away from_ someone._


	8. The List

_A/N:_ Here's the next chapter. I hope you guys like it. The reviews were pretty quiet for the last chapter so I hope you all are still with me and thanks so much to you guys who did review! Thanks for all the follows, favourites, reviews and support. You guys are awesome! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belongs to ABC and the show's creators.

Emma was jittery for several hours after escaping the diner. She drove home in the tail end of rush hour, part of her wishing for the first time that she lived more in the city, even if that meant a shoebox apartment. Actually, she wished she lived near The Commons. But because of convenience._ Not because of what Killian was doing._

She didn't want to watch Killian's toned body circling the running path. She didn't want to see what the handsome man would look like when sweaty and winded, how his hair would be even more disheveled and his eyes bright and shiny, but from endorphins, not tears. She didn't want to watch him peel of a damp grey t-shirt and wander around his apartment, guzzling water and chatting to her about how good it felt to get out again._ Nope._ She didn't want any of that.

Emma cursed at the tightening low in her belly. She didn't want anything but a lazy night watching Mario Batali cook things she never could. Maybe she'd have a shower- a cold one (though for environmental reasons, not for indecent thoughts) - and call it a night early? Maybe she'd get a file from Graham come in for a perp who was a womanizer on the side and spend the night painting her nails and curling her hair to get ready for the take down. That's not what she got though.

She paced across her living room. Emma couldn't concentrate on anything but the words, the emotions, the kiss of earlier. The truths, the evasions, the hurt, the past. It was raw and real, a mirror to her past. Not an exact replica but a similar saga for sure. The thoughts continued to circle and overwhelm until she desperately wanted to see Killian again, even if it went against everything her protective nature was screaming at her. She understood Killian and, while she knew she couldn't fix him, she wanted to help him. But that was dangerous and Emma didn't know how to pursue it. How to even go about striking up a conversation with him that didn't end up with one of them admitting a scar of the past.

Just then her phone buzzed. Emma closed the distance to the coffee table where she'd left it and unlocked the phone, opening up her messages.

_You were right, The Commons are beautiful._ Emma's hand started to shake. It couldn't be._ How?_ And then it clicked into place._ Elsa._ But Emma would get after her friend later, for now she had a different issue to deal with.

_Killian?_

_The very same. Just got back from my run._ The run. Of course that's what he would mention. Sweaty- glistening but not gross- and maybe leaning back against the counter at that moment, shirt riding up over the lean abs, shaped from years in the Navy.

_How was it?_ Emma typed, trying to calm herself, slow her heartrate while her brain was still capable of rational thought.

_A bit too long for the first one back. I'm absolutely shattered._ Emma could think of another way to make him feel absolutely shattered, and her along with it. Emma bit down hard on her tongue. Maybe she was already past the point of rational thought.

"Fuck," Emma screamed to no one in particular and threw the phone against the back of the sofa. It bounced off, coming to rest on the edge, trajectory stopped by the piping of the cushion. Emma grasped at her hair, trying to think of something else._ Anything_ else. Because she was not interested in getting into it with Killian Jones. She wasn't interested in getting her heart broken.

On the sofa the phone buzzed again. Emma bit at her cheek, trying to stave off the impulse to grab it. She managed to wait until the reminder buzz that came two minutes later before her will broke and she was grasping for the phone as if it was the only thing that could save her.

_It felt good though. Even if people stared…_

Emma flopped down on the couch, her desperate need replaced by the sadness she felt when Killian opened up like that. The little hints of what his life was like now. It was obvious what was being implied, people staring at the heavily bandaged stump Emma had only caught passing glimpses of. Out for a run, without the concealing leather jacket, it must have been much more visible and people couldn't understand just how vulnerable that made Killian, couldn't stave off the curiosity at what had happened, who the handsome man with the weary face was. Though, on the other hand, blatantly ignoring him would have most likely produced a similar result. At this point Killian couldn't win. Emma studied the screen for a few moments, trying to think of the right thing to say, determined to make Killian feel better.

_I highly suspect it wasn't the arm they were staring at, Jones._ There, padding the ego was always a safe first step.

_Was that a compliment, Swan?_ It was the truth. Killian was undeniably handsome, no two ways around it. But she didn't have to admit that.

_So how far did you run?_

_Change of subject noted,_ was the first response, only moments after Emma's text. A second text followed._ And five miles. I used to do ten daily._ The text made Emma once again crave to see Killian's body. To run her fingers across the toned planes. Emma blew out a heavy breath and concentrated on replying, finding that even though she could turn off the phone and get away from Killian, she didn't want to.

_I can see why you're tired. You should make ten miles a goal to complete._

The next text took a bit longer to come._ Did you set goals?_ Just like that the tone of the conversation once again changed from flirty to serious. Emma didn't have to ask what he was referring to. She already knew. Had asked the same question herself years previously.

The answer to that question was both yes and no. No formal list had been made, no goals that were quantitative. Emma might have been less disenchanted by the whole process if at least some of them had been. Emma's goals were more on the abstract, ones like being able to pull herself out of bed without Elsa calling or showing up to help coax her into the world, ones like not feeling like her world was collapsing every time she saw a silver pendant keychain or the name of the person that haunted her. She was still working on the last one.

_Kind of._ Again Emma was compelled to answer honestly. She could have easily lied, said the goal was get a job, practice self-care regularly, things she should have been doing. But she didn't lie._ You should make a list, it would be good to have something to cross off each time._

_What do I put on the list?_

That Emma didn't have an answer for, at least not in the concrete sense._ What do you miss doing?_

_Being able to handwrite. Sign my name neatly._ Emma's heart broke at the simplicity of the goal. So Killian_ had_ been left handed. Not only was Killian learning to adjust to having an amputation, he was also having to adjust everything to his other hand. The rehabilitation road ahead of Killian would be long, both mental and physical states needing nurturing and guidance to accomplish even simple goals.

_There's your first goal. Actually write the list._

_That may take a while._ Emma could practically hear the unsure tone through the text, the doubt that being able to write was possible. Emma took a moment to think up the right response to that, something that wouldn't be any more off-putting than the enormity of rehabilitation already was.

_You learned to text with your right hand._

No response came from that. Emma was just about to get up and go to bed, unsure of the reason behind the radio silence when the phone buzzed again. But this time it was a call, not a text.

"Hello?"

"Thanks," Killian replied, lilting accent coming through heavily due to a panting breath pattern.

"Why so out of breath?" Emma asked. It had been long enough since the run for that to calm down. What had Killian been doing?

"I wanted to find a pencil."

Emma couldn't help but grin. "Make sure it's a sharp one," she answered, trying not to laugh out of an absurd happiness that Killian was going to_ try._ That he was going to try and get better. Killian heard her light tone and started laughing. Emma could barely contain herself, the lilting laugh a magical sound. If she started laughing with him she might never be able to stop. And Emma didn't do laughing fool. Foolish actions only brought trouble, lives crumbling when one didn't think it was possible to get any lower. "Get some rest Jones," she forced out as calmly as she could muster. "I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, bye, Swan." Emma was pretty sure Killian had once again seen through her reasoning, heard the unvoiced laughter as well as the reason, the fear, behind it. "Sweet dreams."

"Bye, Jones." Emma clicked the phone off and went to bed.

That night her dreams were filled with an accented laugh and her hand guiding another, teaching the blurry person how to write.

Emma didn't hear from Killian for two days. It's not like she couldn't have contacted him first, she had his contact. She'd programmed it immediately after she'd hung up from their conversation and she was so secretly happy she had his contact info that she couldn't even find it in herself to be furious at Elsa for giving out Emma's private number. But Emma wasn't ready to instigate it on her own, no, that was a can of worms she didn't want to open. Because putting herself out there was worse than waiting. Maybe.

Emma was walking down the steps of the police station, file for a new bail jumper in hand, when her phone went off. It had come through the system that morning and Graham had called immediately to let her know. It was a good payout, rent and groceries for the month if she could take him down. The guy, nearing mid-sixties, was wanted for fraud but there were a few allegations of abuse tacked onto the case as well, something the DA was hoping to nail down once he was caught and questioned. The man was dangerous but so were a lot of the people Emma tracked down on a regular basis. The ones caught for speeding didn't exactly equal a good pay day.

Emma folded up the file and stuck it in her pocket before pulling out her phone. She expected Elsa since they were trying to find a time to get together to paint the dining room in Elsa's house. But it wasn't her blonde and blue eyed friend. It was a picture from Killian. Emma clicked it open as she started up the street.

It was a picture of a piece of paper on a speckled counter top. Emma ran her fingers across the screen to enlarge the shaky photo, curious as to why Killian was sending her a random shot after two days of silence. She paused on the sidewalk to examine it, her grin growing as she did. Because the picture was of a list._ The_ list. It was messy but it was legible and that was all that mattered. Written down it in shaky, too big handwriting, the darkness and thickness of the letters changing practically each word, were Killian's goals, the first one crossed off already.

_1.__Make list_

_2.__Run 10 miles_

_3.__Drive again_

_4.__Cook again- for Swan_

The last one made her heart skip. Could Killian have been talking about a date? Or was he just referring to a friendly dinner, a call back to Emma eating out so often. It was obvious she didn't cook much herself, maybe Killian had figured that out. Or maybe it meant something more. And maybe Emma wanted it to, as scary as it was. The several days wait of silence had been brutal. She really didn't want that again. But if she didn't take the chance with Killian that's all she'd have.

Emma clicked off the photo and opened notepad, starting a new list. She titled it goals. Underneath it she typed:

_1.__Have dinner- with Jones._

Emma took a screen shot before she could convince herself to do otherwise and sent it to Killian along with_ I like Italian._


	9. Tom

_A/N:_ Here's a bit more of a dramatic chapter. I hope y'all like it. Your reviews and support for the last chapter were amazing. You are all wonderful gifts of people. Thank you so much! It made me feel so much better. I'm not sure when my next post will be because I'm about to go back to my apartment (which also means I didn't have time to edit this closely if I wanted to get it up before I left, which I did so hopefully the chapter's okay) but I'm going to try and get it up soon, as I'm sure you will all want when you finish this chapter. Let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Graham had said the perp file was because of the payout. But after pouring through the file Emma knew exactly why Graham had sent it to her so quickly. She should have suspected something else was going on.

The file was for a man who was caught on fraud in the foster care system. Children had been brought into the home and the money collected but none of the regulations had been followed. At least eight children had been shoved into the same room and the children had essentially been treated like slaves. This had been going on for years if was suspected but there was only evidence for the last year or so. They had no evidence for past illegal activities as there were no records of who the children had been. The couple (the wife had died the month social services finally caught on) moved around each time the case workers started to get too close, sometimes just leaving the children in the house without any clue as to what was going on. The abuse speculations were tied to these activities as well.

Emma had been in that situation before. Not all her homes had been like that but some had and a few rotten apples were more than enough to spoil the mediocre bunch. Emma remembered the days so vividly despite leaving the system nearly ten years previously. She remembered the one house that had a mouse problem, the animals always getting into the food allowances and ruining them, and how she'd been beaten senseless for bringing home a cat she found in the alley to fix the problem. She remembered the lovely teacher who heard Emma's stomach rumbling during detention one afternoon and every day after that Emma was there, tucked a granola bar into Emma's desk before class. She remembered getting the cigarette burn on her wrist, the first one she'd ever experienced, and remembered the first day she'd run away for good and how she'd found a low budget tattoo parlor and covered the scar with a buttercup tattoo. She remembered the failures, the pain, the heartbreak, the calm before the storm each time she was taken from the homes and housed within a safe house for a few days.

And because she remembered it all she knew she had to catch this guy. She had to do it for all the children that had been placed in her care because she wished someone would do that for the people who had built Emma's walls up, bringing in emotion protecting bricks like they had been on a buy one get eight hundred free sale. She had to do this for herself.

Emma combed the file and did a Google search, looking for places the man might hide. The man wasn't originally from the Boston area, but he'd been spotted in the city by a social security officer who'd worked one of the cases. Even though none of the guy's regular haunts were in the city there was a pattern. One Emma could use to her advantage. She also knew the system, knew the people. This guy wasn't getting away from her. Which was why Emma was going to spend her days at a local rundown casino waiting.

Emma's phone buzzed where she'd tossed it to the side. Emma shifted her position on her bed where she'd set up everything, lap top, file, several cans of soda and an empty hot chocolate mug. The smell of cinnamon still tickled her nose, especially when she moved, the mug rolling with the changing depressions in the mattress. She opened the message up.

_What's up, Swan?_

Emma snapped a picture of the case file and sent it. She wasn't quite sure why she did it. It wasn't like Killian knew about her past. It wasn't like he knew about all the houses and families she was cycled through. But she didn't want to lie and say she was doing nothing. Because Emma wasn't doing nothing. She had a feeling that this case was going to be more important than the average bounty. And she had to tell someone. Elsa would be too concerned for her safety, think the case was too personal and therefore make Emma too sloppy, too desperate. But that was exactly why Emma needed to take the case.

The phone buzzed again. And there was the reason she'd told Killian in a few simple words._ You okay?_ Emma stared at the screen, a bit in shock but also as if Killian had done exactly what she was hoping he would. Because if anyone was going to understand this, understand the impact on Emma it would be Killian. It was a bit scary though, how he'd guessed why the case was important to Emma, that it was more than just a pay check. If he'd figured that out, what else did he know?

_Yeah. Determined._

_That's my girl._

Emma gaped at the response._ My girl?_ Emma knew Killian had wanted more, had wanted to go out on a date (at least that's what she secretly hoped the dinner goal implied) but she didn't think Killian actually felt like they were something. Did Killian actually want her? Could Killian actually truly have strong enough feelings for her that she was his girl? Even after such a short time and being yelled at several times by Emma?

The phone buzzed again._ Too much?_

Was it too much? No, not really. Maybe too soon? Because Emma still didn't believe it. Didn't believe that she was more than a night's bang and then a caution for men to be more selective because Emma was fucked up. She knew it. Everyone she'd ever spent time with knew it. Did Killian? Or did he just not care? Could he see past the scars and the fears?

_I'll survive._

_Good. I'll let you get back to work. Talk to you soon._

_Start practicing your tomato sauce recipe and I'll be talking to you later._

That last text was a bit too forward for Emma but Killian had been so kind. She couldn't just blow him off. She might have been fucked up but she wasn't cruel. And she liked Killian too. Even if she couldn't admit it without her blood pressure sky rocketing. Emma put her phone away and dove back into her work because the sooner she caught this guy the sooner she'd have free time to cash in on that Italian dinner.

Emma had been staking out a real dive of a casino for the past. She knew the guy, Tom, would show up eventually. She'd questioned one of the bartenders Tuesday afternoon and she'd remembered him, said he'd showed up twice before. That had made Emma smile, concrete evidence that she was on the right path. And Emma knew the habit too to time it right, the guy would show up during the afternoon, before the time kids got home from school, before the social workers came to interview the kids. Even though the man had no kids now the pattern would still exist. A pattern that Emma knew well.

So Emma waited, perching at the bar for hours on end, knowing she just had to hit the right day. And that right day was Thursday afternoon. Emma had been at the bar again, talking to the bartender and texting Killian while she sipped at a sprite (which resembled a gin and tonic- less suspicious that way. Killian had been keeping her entertained on the long hours of the stakeout, sending her stupid jokey texts or telling her about his day. They saved anything serious for after Emma went home when Killian would ask how she was doing, always with the undercurrent of _are you okay facing the system abusers again?_ The answer was always maybe, or I'll get back to you.

The nerves Emma had been fighting all week exploded when the man slipped into the casino and sat down at the slot machine. Tom looked older than the age his case file said, aged beyond his years because of whatever vice he regularly indulged in. Grey hair was cropped short to his sun spot covered scalp, wrinkles covering his face and dragging down his eyes. Emma narrowed her eyes at Tom, studying him. There was something about him, something that didn't sit right with her, something that niggled the back of her memories, the things she locked away.

Emma waited a few minutes, watching Tom from the corner of her eye. She didn't want to immediately target him and set him off. Emma finished off her drink while she waited, wishing it were vodka she was drinking as the anxiety climbed. She wanted to text Killian, tell him something was wrong even if she didn't know what it was, but Killian was in Elsa's class. So instead she pocketed her phone in her jacket and stood, straightening the short hemline of her dress.

Putting on her best sultry face Emma sauntered over and sat down beside Tom. "Nice weather," Emma commented as she slipped a quarter into the machine and took her turn.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the man do a double take before turning towards her completely. "Why yes it is," he drawled, hand reaching out and touching Emma's thigh, too high and too clammy. Emma supressed a shudder and forced herself to gently trace his fingers, biting her lip slightly. "How's about we get out of here?" Tom suggested.

Emma wanted to groan at how easy this was. But she also wanted to whoop with joy because she could soon get away from the creep. Emma stood and ran her hand along Tom's shoulders. "I know just the place," she whispered into his ear, earning a guttural growl. Emma started for the door, Tom following like a puppy.

She was out the door and in the empty parking lot when Tom spoke again, voice much firmer than it had been in the casino. "Now Emma Swan, won't you say a proper hello to your old father or are you really just the whore I always knew you were?"

Emma froze._ No._ No. No. No. No. It all clicked into place. Why she'd had that foreboding feeling. Why she'd felt like there was something she needed to remember. Because there was._ There was._ Tom was Mr. Wyatt, her old foster father. Emma had been fourteen when she'd been placed in the home, the last one before the group home stuck for good. Emma remembered the slaps, the nights she went to sleep cheeks scarlet and raw. Remembered the day she'd come home from school with her two foster brothers and found the place empty. Abandoned again. But she'd never cried. And even though Emma desperately wanted to cry now she wouldn't. She would lock this guy up instead. Because she was one of the missing witnesses. She could put him away for good.

Emma whorled to face Tom. Tom's face had lost the old man veneer, taken on the dark and angry look she remembered all too well. Fists were balled at his side. "I'm not a whore, Tom," Emma spit back. The world felt like it was crumbling around her, her past catching up to her too fast and she was far too unprepared for it.

"No, you're a bounty hunter aren't you? I've got quite the price don't I? You're not the first I've run into." Before Emma could react Tom swung out at her, catching her upside the head with his fist. Emma staggered back, mind reeling. The hit had been too hard, too much force for such an old man. But then she saw it, the roll of quarters held firmly in his grasp, increasing the power behind his punch.

Emma forced herself fully upright again and swung out herself, catching Tom in the chest. A rush of air came from his lungs and Emma struck out again, getting into closer range. That was a mistake though. Tom had always been meaner than Emma expected and had always played innocent and vulnerable well. And Emma had been dazed enough to forget that. When she was close enough to get Tom in a headlock, arm snaking around his head Tom hit her with the quarter filled fist again, getting her forehead. It immediately split open, blood pouring into Emma's eyes. Everything spun and Emma tried to force Tom to the ground but she couldn't figure out where the ground was. That was until Tom threw her onto it, her head bouncing against the cracked pavement.

The sound of beating footsteps filled Emma's ears as Tom ran. Emma struggled to stand on her heels but by the time she'd gotten up Tom was long gone. She'd lost him. Lost her chance at justice, now not only for the abused they had record for but also for herself. Cursing and fighting off tears Emma ran a hand over her eyes, clearing them. She needed to get help and fast. And there was one place she knew she could.

Emma managed to get to her car, the spinning world slowing as she took deep breaths. By the time she'd reached her car it was only tilting, occasionally doubling. Emma started up the car, knowing Elsa would kill her for it, and started for the healthcare clinic which was thankfully only five minutes away.

Emma didn't know what strength or miracle she'd been sent that allowed her to make it to the healthcare clinic without hurting anyone else, or herself further. The world had started spinning again as she tried to focus on the road and the pre-rush hour traffic. It was spinning to much to park properly so Emma got close to the door and then turned the bug off, her blood having coated the wheel from where it was dripping off her jaw.

She got out and struggled to the doors. Belle was gone, the lobby empty. To get help she was going to need to barge into Elsa's class. Somewhere in the back of her mind she realized she'd be disturbing them, being a burden and a nuisance, the thing that made everyone abandon her, just like all her foster families before, but Emma's survival instinct was enough to force her forward. Enough to squash down Tom's malignant voice telling her how much of a burden she was, how it would be better for everyone if she ran away, whored herself out, stopped eating his food and breathing his air.

She made it to the classroom door and pushed it open, staggering inside. Immediately gasps and Elsa's cry split the air. Emma's head was drooping, her vision going black when she heard that lilting voice. The only one that could make her focus.

_"Swan."_ Emma looked up and made eye contact with Killian, standing at his desk, hand balled and eyes furious storms. And then it all went black.


	10. Concussed

_A/N:_ Sorry for the long wait. This chapter, for it's simplicity was surprisingly hard to write. So I cut it off early instead of making it super long and making you guys wait even longer. The story about what happened and Killian's response will be the next chapter. This is setting that up. I just lost a bit of inspiration to drive this chapter far enough to include that I guess. Hopefully it comes back for the next chapter. None the less, I hope you guys still enjoy. Thank you so much for all the support. There are over 80 followers already and lots of reviews and favourites too! So awesome! Let me know what you think! It really helps! Also let me know if there's anything you want to see in this story- I'm open to ideas from you creative and amazing people!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belongs to ABC and the show's creators.

Emma came too, first thinking it was because of an alarm clock that some asshole forgot to shut off and then realizing that the noise was actually the pounding in her head. Her ears rung, a high keening drone. It was as if her head was rebelling, trying to escape her aching body and the parts that kept her together were screaming from strain. If her head packing up and leaving was going to stop the agony then she was all for it. She'd send flowers and a thank you card to it once she was free. The memories started to filter back as she became more aware of herself- the stakeout, the fight, driving, trying so hard to make it where she would be safe, _ Killian._ A groan slipped through her lips.

"Swan?"

Emma pried an eye open and let her surroundings filter in. She was on the couch in Elsa's dark office, her face smushed into the cushions. A damp cloth was draped across the back of her neck, keeping some of the pain down. She was infinitely thankful for whoever had decided to do that for her. Squatted in front of her, practically right in front of her face was Killian, face creased in worry.

"Hi." Emma's voice was croaky, grating on her own ears. She cringed at the sound, shutting her eyes again. Had she been asleep for hours or was she just in that bad a shape? She really didn't want to know that answer.

"You really scared me, Swan. What happened?" The way Killian's voice cracked, the worry that coloured it, it all seemed very surreal to Emma. She knew Killian had been interested in her, but this, this was real_ care._ The whole unexpectedness of it made Emma try and sit up, try and seem less injured. She didn't want Killian to feel obligated to stay with her. Emma could take care of herself. When Killian saw her trying to push herself up he grasped her arms and eased her up, taking the strain off her aching muscles.

Sitting up was not good for her head, that was immediately apparent. But she didn't let herself slide back down onto the cushions. Instead she looked around through half closed lids. The lights in the office were off, something she was very thankful for as the tiny bit of light coming through the window made her headache worse. The office door was closed, but Elsa's soft filtered through.

"You're missing your class," Emma gritted out as Killian's hand fell from her arm. She was fully aware she was ignoring his question but she wasn't ready yet. It was obvious by the way Killian swallowed, eyes shutting momentarily that he hadn't missed that and definitely wasn't impressed. The look was gone in an instant, replaced again by the concerned gaze and pursed lips.

"I can paint later," Killian answered, bravado boosting his tone, a cover for the previous breakage. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine. Just need some Tylenol." Emma leaned into the corner of the couch. Actually, she would have preferred morphine or a hammer but that statement wouldn't have gone over well. Killian didn't look like he had much patience for humour and she couldn't keep her thoughts straight long enough to decide if that was actually funny.

"You need a hospital." Killian replied, grabbing the wet cloth that had slid from Emma's neck when she'd sat up. Carefully Killian reached forward, watching Emma for any signs of panic, and dabbed at the gash along her forehead. Emma winced, hissing at the pain. "Sorry, but you've got blood all over."

"You should see my car. Got it_ way_ worse." Emma's voice did a funny strained thing at the end of her statement.

"You're delirious."

"I'm not," she corrected. "I'm just concussed."

Killian snorted out a laugh. "At least you're self-aware." Killian kept dabbing at her forehead, pulling the cloth back every once in a while to fold it and find a clean piece. The used bit was a rusty colour, the cloth ruined for future use. Emma was a bit surprised at how much blood he'd actually had to clean off. At least that explained the extent of the dizziness. The last time she'd been concussed she'd just had the headache, the dizziness only until she'd taken a nap. But that time she'd banged the back of her hair on a wall, she hadn't actually cut anything open.

"Been here before," Emma answered when Killian pulled back from cleaning her forehead. Killian shot her a look, somewhere between frustration and amusement. It was as if he were determined to properly care for her but also wanted to humour her, keep her comfy because he knew she'd panic.

The door to the office opened and Elsa entered, hands covered in paint. She surveyed the scene, Emma on the couch, Killian directly in front of her, still wearing that strange mix of emotions all over his face. "If you're trying to convince her to go to the hospital it isn't going to work. You take her one time and it turns out she is fine and you never live it down."

"She's clearly concussed," Killian argued putting down the bloody cloth.

"I'm fine. Tell Killian I'm fine," Emma asked as Elsa came closer, bending to check her out. Elsa held her finger up, getting Emma to follow it. She didn't even have to ask Emma to comply, this was the routine. Elsa sighed, putting down her hand.

"She's not fine. But I've looked after her before like this. And I can do it again." Elsa grabbed Emma's arms, bracing to pull her up. "You ready Emma?"

"Well I'd rather be sleeping but I guess I can stand up." Elsa rolled her eyes and pulled. Emma stood on shaking legs, groaning. The dizziness was back and Emma swayed, nearly falling from Elsa's grasp.

"Here, let me help." Before either of the women could react Killian swept Emma up into his arms, holding her tight against his broad chest. Emma nestled herself against the warm and solid body, unable to resist. Obviously the concussion had completely removed her sensibilities. A quiet chuckle rumbled through Killian's chest, vibrating against Emma. She shut her eyes tight to avoid facing Killian or Elsa, neither of which would have responses to her affection that she wanted to deal with. "Lead the way. Elsa."

There was a shuffling as Elsa gathered her things and then Killian started forward. Emma's fist closed around his shirt for comfort, the movement making her feel slightly nauseous. As her hand clenched Killian tightened his grip on her. A sigh escaped her lips.

"It's alright, Swan," Killian whispered. Emma nodded in response, her cheek rubbing against the soft t-shirt material.

The blast of cool air felt wonderful against Emma's aching body when the building door opened. Even her skin was sore and the crispness of being in the parking lot helped to numb it. Emma was jostled a bit as Killian stepped down from the curb, a little mewl being pulled from her throat. Emma wanted to curse herself for being so weak but she was also too comfortable in Killian's arms to risk it.

"Sorry, Swan," Killian murmured. The beeping of a car door signalled that they were near Elsa's car. Emma opened her eyes as the back door was held wide for her. A quick glance upwards had her meeting Killian's worried but dare she say_ invested_ blue eyes. Emma blushed despite herself. No one had ever looked at her like that. Usually when she would get hurt as a child she would be greeted by looks of pity from teachers and looks of exasperation from those supposed to be caring for her. She was always wasting peoples time when she got hurt but the look Killian gave her. It wasn't of desire to get away. It was of desire to_ stay._ Which was exactly why Emma felt both brave and stupid enough to open her mouth once Killian had gently laid her in the back seat.

"Where are you going?" she asked when Killian had pulled away. Killian looked back at her in surprise, head cocked to the side.

"Elsa's taking you home."

"But what about_ my_ car?" Emma practically whined. She said that because she couldn't ask him to stay. She just_ couldn't._ But she could ask this, go indirectly around it to try and get what she desired.

"I'll come get it tomorrow," Elsa answered, going around the front of the car.

Killian narrowed his eyes at Emma. She tried to keep her face neutral but he caught something. Some clue and a small smile pulled up his cheek. Of course Killian would be able to read her.

"I'll take it now. I'll follow you back," he suggested.

"Oh, Killian, I couldn't ask you to do that," Elsa replied.

"But I want to help."

"I won't be coming back in town tonight to take you home."

Emma was frustrated. She knew Elsa was just trying to take care of her and she shouldn't complain but Emma wanted Killian. She'd felt so safe in his arms. She wasn't ready to lose that. Especially when she was going to have to face Tom's words later. When she was going to have to deal with her past and present colliding.

"You can stay with us. I've got a couch. Elsa normally sleeps in my bed anyways." It was hard not to hear Elsa's snort. Emma bit her lip, remembering Killian's list when he looked a bit unsure. "I mean, if you're okay with driving."

"I'll be fine." Killian bent closer to her, nervousness gone as he licked his lips far too seductively for Emma's injured mind to comprehend. "Though I wanted my first drive back to be with you."

"I'll be there the second one. The keys are in the car."

"I'm counting on it." Killian shut the car door and moved away to Emma's bug. It must have been the blood loss making her so bold, so eager for Killian's charm and company. And it must have been the concussion that made her not care at all. Because she wanted it._ All of it._


	11. Forgetting the Sock

_A/N:_ Sorry this update took so long to do. My life's been a little crazy. It took forever to find a job and I had to get one back in my hometown (though thankfully it's a good one) which meant moving back from my apartment and then two days ago I broke up with the guy I'd been with for the past six months. Which sucked. And I've been miserable. It had to happen because he was using me, taking everything I had to give and only returning the bare minimum and it seems like everyone else but me could see it. He wouldn't even allow me to add him on Facebook after six months and still said we weren't dating and that I wasn't his girlfriend, just someone he had something with. The whole thing was ridiculous (and honestly, I'm a decent catch- med school bound, undergrad free ride, driven, kind, polite, spend a whole lot of time volunteering and definitely the kind of woman you want to bring home to your mother but he never really recognized that) and I let it all happen because I thought I loved him. Thankfully I'm starting to realize just how unhealthy a relationship it was so I'm okay now. I just wish his response wouldn't have been so nasty. Anyways, now I'm back and I'm focused. I forgot about fanfic for so many months because I thought he would think it was too weird if he found out but I've remembered that I do this for me. And because you are all so amazing and supportive! Thanks for sticking around, especially those of you who've been following me since_ The Absence of You._ End of mushy rant (sorry people who don't want to know that kind of stuff and are just here to read).

I have a quick question though- how would y'all feel about me writing Liam into the story? I haven't said yet that he's dead and some fanfics do a great job at including Liam. Of course the rest of the backstory we know about Killian will still be there (i.e. Milah, orphaning, etc.). I've written Henry and a lot of other characters but I've never done Liam. What do you all think about that? Also, let me know what you think about this chapter- I hope you like it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Elsa drove slowly back, not wanting to get too far from Killian who was driving Emma's death trap. She repeatedly told Emma that, continuously looking into the rear-view mirror to make sure the yellow bug was still behind them. Emma knew Elsa's behaviour wasn't because Emma had asked Killian to come with her and Elsa didn't want him around. It was because she worried for Killian. Killian hadn't driven since the accident and his first time back was alone and in Emma's ancient Beetle- not exactly the safest of rides.

The guilt of asking Killian to come with her did grow a bit as they got closer to Emma's house. Each time they merged between lanes Emma wanted to sit up and stare out the rear window until she saw the car but she couldn't. Every time she jostled her head it ached and she knew just how much Elsa would not appreciate her throwing up all over the backseat. With no real other choice Emma stayed still, hoping her old bug wouldn't give out and she'd see the man at her apartment.

Thinking about her apartment made the worry set in. What she had wasn't much. What if Killian lived in a great space. If he was running near the commons then he probably had a place near there. That was a better neighbourhood than Emma, more expensive than her ground floor place. Emma's place was simple, made a lot of sense considering she valued a whole place to herself over a pile of roommates. It was a place she could call her own, the top priority. But Killian didn't understand that. What if Killian had a fancy condo, one with a view? Would he think Emma was a slob? That she settled for garbage? It made her both nervous and defensive. Maybe Killian would like it? Maybe Killian wouldn't care? Maybe Emma shouldn't care?

Emma groaned, squeezing her eyes shut. "You okay?" Elsa called back to her. "Almost there."

"I'm fine," Emma murmured back.

Elsa was quiet for a few moments as she merged the final lane before Emma's neighbourhood. "You're starting to regret inviting Killian over aren't you?"

"What if my place disgusts him?" Emma moaned. She should have thought this through more. She should have stuck to what she knew and run, kept her private life private. If only she'd been thinking clearer, had her walls up. Elsa didn't care about Emma's home. She should have stuck with Elsa.

"Did you leave garbage all over the place?"

"No," Emma answered. Emma may not have been the cleanest person but she knew better than that.

"Then he won't be disgusted."

"How do you know?" How Elsa could talk with such surety confused Emma. It was as if Elsa believed Emma could never drive Killian away. Which made no sense, because Emma drove everyone away, it was just a matter of time. Well, maybe not Elsa but Elsa knew loss like Emma did, they had an understanding.

"Because it's Killian." Before Emma could ask for clarification on Elsa's cryptic answer the car pulled into Emma's parking lot and stopped. The slight whining of the bug's engine followed them in along with the resounding clunk that signalled it was put in park. Emma cringed, she really needed to get that car looked at before it quit.

The backdoor opened and Killian squatted down to see in. Despite worryingly pale skin covered with a mild sheen of sweat, Killian was smiling. It wasn't easy to hide though, not when those expressive eyes were too strained, looking so different from what Emma had become used to. Guilt coursed through Emma at the obvious discomfort he was hiding. Emma should have gone with him. Even though she would have been laid out in the back seat groaning ever time the clutch caught and the car jerked in response but at least she would have been there.

"Are you doing alright, love?" Killian's voice was the same though, lilting and soft.

Emma groaned in response which earned her a small chuckle. Killian reached in and slipped his hand under her back and his other arm under her knees. Slowly and carefully he lifted her out of the car, cradling her against his warm chest.

"I'm too heavy," Emma whined, squirming to try and get down. "I can walk." Elsa gave her a glare that said_ just go with it_ from where she stood just behind Killian.

"Shush, lass. You're fine."

Emma grumbled, uncomfortable with being carried. Yes the two were there to take care of her but she didn't need to be carried around, even though somewhere deep inside she could admit that it was nice to be held like that.

Elsa started across the parking lot, slow enough for Killian and Emma to keep pace with her. As they moved Emma kept stealing little glances at Killian, checking. Would he like her bright green door? Did he think the renoed house was strange? Ugly? A dive? Or would he see it as charming like Emma did, at least when the pipes weren't leaking or the front door wasn't swelling in the humidity so much she had to go out the window. With her own key she unlocked the door to Emma's apartment and led them in, flicking the light on as she stepped out of the way. Emma held her breath, waiting for a response.

"Lovely spot you have here, Swan. It looks like you really care about this place." The tone of Killian's voice imparted no hint at lying or embellishing. Emma gave him a quick nod in return, her cheek scraping against his shirt, not really sure how to explain just how much she did care about the place. How important the apartment was as her first home of any permanence. "I take it the art is your work, Elsa?" Killian asked, eyeing an abstract painting of a frozen beach done in wide strokes of light blue, silver and gold.

"Yes, it's mine," Elsa replied as Killian crossed the floor and gently laid Emma down on the blue sofa. "All the art in the house is mine. Emma doesn't seem to mind taking all the stuff not good enough to sell at galleries."

"That's because the galleries are stupid," Emma answered, defensive of the lovely work decorating her home. It was good. Usually the paintings wouldn't sell because they were a strange size or didn't fit in with the rest of the collection or were painted on the wrong medium; there was a painting in the bathroom done on old newspaper. Nothing was bad, at least not to Emma's untrained eye.

Elsa chuckled, draping a knit blanket over Emma while Killian disappeared into the apartment. Emma struggled to see where he'd gone from her position on the couch but stopped when the water in the bathroom started.

"See?" Elsa whispered from her position near Emma's head. "Nothing to worry about." Emma knew she was referring to how worried Emma had been over Killian seeing her place.

"Worry about what?" Killian asked as he returned.

"Dinner," Elsa supplied seamlessly. Emma jumped a little in surprise when a cool cloth was placed on her forehead, glancing up just in time to see Killian's hand moving away from it. Warmth flooded her at the gesture that hadn't been asked for but was greatly appreciated. She turned her head into the cushions to hide the blush sitting high on in her cheeks.

"I think I'm going to go pick us up some. Grilled cheese and onion rings from Granny's Emma?" Emma turned back from her hiding place against the cushions, regretting it immediately when she saw Elsa's knowing gaze. She wanted to curse at how transparent and ridiculous she was being but instead she just nodded. "What can I get you, Killian?"

"I'll have the same, lass." Elsa nodded and left the apartment and she and Killian were alone once again, staring at each other while pretending they weren't actually. Tension began to swell now that Elsa was gone to allow some distance between the two of them. It was painfully obvious the feelings Emma had let slip by her behaviour since the concussion. Gone was the close guarded and calculated moves. This had opened a new door for them and it seemed as if neither one of them was quite sure how to proceed.

Killian sat on the edge of the coffee table, his knees just inches from Emma's head. Emma pushed herself up a bit, leaning against the arm of the couch. She adjusted her cold cloth, a little unsure how to stop the silence enveloping them.

"Thank you for driving my car here," Emma said once she felt as if the tension would swallow her whole. "I shouldn't have asked you to do it though. That was too much pressure for you." It was easier to make the situation out to be Emma's fault, to paint herself as selfish, rather than voice the actual size of the thing Killian had done for her.

"Emma," Killian started, leaning forward so his face was far too close to Emma's for a platonic conversation. "It wasn't too much to ask. I could have said no. I could have made something up. Hell, I have to be at the airport tomorrow to pick up friends so I could have said that and bailed. But I didn't. Because I didn't want to. I wanted to be here with you. Okay?"

Emma nodded, a little stunned by the sincerity. She also felt a bit guilty about changing his plans for the night when he obviously had people to prepare for. But Killian didn't seem to mind a bit about what he did. "Okay."

"Good. Now, will you tell me what happened today?"

Emma shut her eyes, groaning. "I fucked the case up."

"Well I can see that it didn't go well," he answered drolly. Emma rolled her eyes but was thankful for the light sarcasm replacing the intense words of before. "But how did it go so wrong? You were so ready?"

Emma swallowed hard and sucked in a breath before carefully picking her words. Killian deserved an honest and whole response. She just needed to figure out how to actually do that. "It went wrong because I knew the guy and he knew me."

Killian's eyes widened. "Surely, love, you don't mean what I think you do?"

Emma nodded in reply. "I was fourteen. The last foster home I was in before I was placed in a group home for troubled teens. Tom was awful. The home was like a puppy mill for foster kids, cycling through for profits only, not for anyone else's benefit. Everything that he's charged with in the case? The abandonment, the abuse? Yeah, he was still doing that when I knew him. At least there were only two other boys there when I was there." Killian was silent but his eyes flashed with a rage that his expressionless face didn't match. Emma could only imagine the war going on inside of him as he tried to keep calm. Before Killian could compose himself enough to answer Emma pushed on. "Tom recognized me before I realized who he was. The name on the file, it was different but I'm not surprised by that. I thought it was going well, he fell for it and followed me out. But then he let me in on the whole thing, called me a whore and then attacked. Tom knew I was a bounty hunter because he knows he's being chased. And I just, well it all caught me so off guard that I lost control of the situation."

"And that's nothing to be ashamed of," Killian said, his earnest voice calmer than Emma had expected. "What this guy did to you was inexcusable."

"But I messed this up. I'm one of those kids the cops couldn't find. I could get this guy locked up for good by showing just how far back the whole thing goes. And it's not like I can just set up another honey trap and wear a slinky dress and catch him," Emma ranted, motioning to her dirty and torn outfit. Killian swallowed a bit, perhaps out of residual anger or perhaps because underneath the blanket were Emma's long legs, albeit a little banged up but still bare and beautiful. "He knows me. I fucked this whole thing up because I wasn't strong enough to not be that scared little girl again." Emma's voice broke. She pulled the facecloth down over her eyes, not because she was crying but because she was close and she didn't want to see the look in Killian's eyes. That would push her over the edge. And she was_ not_ going to cry in front of Killian.

After a few moments Killian laid a soft hand on her shoulder before removing the cloth. "I have an idea okay?" Emma turned to him, waiting. She didn't miss the way Killian bent closer, only a few inches away now. "I know you could figure out a way to do this on your own. I'm not trying to say you can't and I never would. But what if I help? Tom doesn't know me. And with my accent it makes me seem even more inconspicuous because I can pretend I'm some tourist. He'd never expect me to be in on this, especially not with you. I don't know really how this whole bail bondsman thing works but you do and_ I_ do have about ten years in the Navy. Even with only one hand I'm still pretty handy in a fight." Killian gave her a rueful, almost hopeful smile.

Emma considered the proposition. She really didn't want to give up on the file or turn it over to someone else. This was personal and she didn't trust anyone else to be able to do it right. Except for Killian. Killian had made some very valid points. Ones she really couldn't argue, because Killian was trained and he knew how to handle tense and violent situations. Plus he was willing to help Emma, something which didn't happen very much. Not that Emma was ever really willing to take any help. Except for this time.

Emma pushed herself up, realizing a bit too late how close that put her to Killian. "Okay," she whispered, her lungs aching as it took all her air. Her lips nearly brushed Killian's when she spoke. Another word and she might actually touch them. But Emma couldn't find the air to speak. A soft puff of air brushed against her own lips at his exhale. She could practically feel how soft his lips would be. How warm. How inviting. How easily she could slip into their oblivion.

"_Emma,"_ Killian breathed, as if that were his last word, a man going to his death. His hand slipped up Emma's arm, only stopping at her cheek, cupping it tenderly. The pads of his fingers were rough but warm. Emma pressed her face against them, aching for more of the warmth, more of Killian.

A small_ thunk_ was the only warning before the door to the apartment opened and Elsa strode in. Killian jumped backwards, nearly falling off the table while Emma pushed her face into the cushions, unwilling to look at her friend. Elsa had seen. It was obvious by the quiet giggling coming from her as she moved into the kitchen with the food. Emma blushed so furiously she was pretty sure the entire couch was going to spontaneously combust. Or maybe that was just Emma, desire coursing through her. A desire that was going to go unsated. And eat her whole.

Elsa returned from the kitchen carrying the takeout container of Emma's dinner. She gave her a sly smile as she placed the food next to Emma on the couch along with some painkillers and a glass of water. "Next time hang a sock on the door."


	12. Lightning Storm

_A/N:_ Thank you so much for all the support and kind reviews on the last chapter. I'm feeling so much better because of them. They help give me something else to think about which is a big help and really really make me smile. Days are still a bit rocky but I'm glad to be back writing again and especially to have such a supportive community around me. It's a really nice feeling, especially since I've been feeling kind of lonely at times. The reviews have also spoken and Liam will be included in the story. Here's another long chapter- it got away on me a bit. Because I had to cut it off Liam, Mary Margaret and David will all be introduced in the next one. I don't think you'll mind though when you see how our favourite couple is fairing in this one. Let me know what you think. Thanks again for all the support! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

The air between Killian and Emma crackled that night like a lightning storm in July. The room burned so hot Emma felt like she was covered in contact burns. The heated atmosphere sparked like a power surge each time there was the brush of skin as one shifted on the couch or Killian grabbed the cold cloth to rewet it, fingers lingering a bit too long against her hairline. It was obvious that they both wanted Elsa gone. It was plain in the way Emma rolled her eyes when Elsa plopped herself down on the couch with them, munching her dinner happily. Unmissable in the fisted hand of Killian every time Elsa offered to do something for Emma when he had been the one to suggest it. But they also knew that keeping Elsa there was safe. She kept them from doing something they weren't ready for. It was aggravating and soothing and Emma was going to explode from it all.

Elsa finally caught on, or just decided to end the torture, by declaring they were in need of stronger painkillers and the cooling fever patches that stuck to foreheads so Emma could have a cool cloth on her forehead all night and not risk it slipping off as she slept. Elsa gave Emma a wink as she shouldered her purse and left. Emma had to hope this time she would peak in a window to check before she barged in again.

The exhale of breath from both of them was audible when the door snapped closed. Killian laughed sheepishly while Emma cringed, face heating with embarrassment. What was wrong with them? They had been alone before. They could have a conversation without ending up in a rug burned and naked pile on the ground. Maybe.

Eventually Emma sighed, fed up with how ridiculous Killian made her act. "So," she started, desperate for a normal conversation as she leaned against the back and arm of the sofa, wedging herself in. "You said you had to go to the airport tomorrow?"

Killian nodded with a small smile, seeming to appreciate her efforts. "Yes, my mate, David Nolan has been discharged from the navy. He and his wife want to start a family so he didn't want to be in such a dangerous occupation. I think this," he held up his stumped arm with a wry twist of his lips, "shook him up a bit. So he was stopping on his layover to pick up his wife, Mary Margaret, and then they're both flying here."

"So they're moving to Boston," Emma asked.

"Yeah. They decided that since it was close to the water Dave could get a job with the coast guard or maybe with harbour tours. Something on the water. And Mary Margaret's a teacher, she already got a job at a charter school in the city that pushes volunteering." Killian's face twisted into a happy smile. It was obvious that these were people that he truly cared about.

"And you're here," Emma supplied, eager to keep the excited smile on his face.

"Aye," Killian replied sheepishly, scratching behind his ear. "I am here." Killian took a breath, settling back against the sofa, moving a few inches closer to Emma in the process. "It will be nice to have them here. I haven't seen Dave for two months. We were on the ship together when, well, when I was-" he trailed off, eyes far away from Emma. She reached out and laid her hand on the stump, just above the bandages that still wrapped it. Killian jumped, pulled from his revere, and started talking again. "I haven't seen Mary Margaret since I was shipped out, about six months ago. She offered to fly out here early when she heard about the accident but I told her not to worry. She had to move all by herself since Dave was still on board. And I was okay."

Emma's curiosity peaked. Killian was already talking a bit about his life so Emma figured a tiny question wouldn't be out of place. "Why did you come to Boston anyways? I mean, you aren't American, right?"

Killian gave her a sad smile and Emma wondered if she'd gone too far. She sat there waiting, fearing the worst. It appeared she hadn't pushed too much when Killian answered a few long moments later, voice low and husky. "I have my citizenship. I came to America when I was seventeen. Immigrated in with my brother, Liam. My mother died when I was a child. I was left in the care of my father who took off about two years later since I guess I was too much trouble for him. Liam is older than me, already off getting his captain's papers so he could run one of the big cargo ships at the time. He found out though and came back for me. Liam became my legal guardian and took care of me. Made sure I graduated from a good school while he worked his way up the rank and got sea time. The day after I had the certificate in my hand we left. England was just too much. Too many memories. Settled in the Boston area. Liam worked in the Navy, was the one who actually got me in. Liam was discharged about three years ago and now works for harbour patrol. So that's why, after the accident, I was sent here."

"Do you live with your brother?" Emma asked softly. She hadn't expected Killian to be so candid. But she had found herself being just as open earlier in the evening. Maybe Killian felt just a strong a pull as she did, felt just as safe opening up.

"No, I got my own place after I was discharged. Liam wanted me to live with him but, well, I wasn't in a good place. I couldn't stand to feel the pressure of Liam, how successful and settled he was when I felt like everything was falling apart. The navy was my life." Killian's voice broke. Emma shifted in her seat, sliding across the sofa cushions until she was right beside Killian, their legs touching. She leaned against him, hoping it would be somewhat comforting and not too forward. After a moment in which he tensed up at the contact his arms went around her and he held her to his side with a sigh.

"I'm sorry," Emma offered, feeling like it was cheap but not really sure what else to say.

Killian nodded behind her, the movement jostling his body against hers. "I'm doing better now." He tightened his arms around her.

"Good."

There was a slamming of a car door and then the sounds of Elsa singing to herself, a made up song about walking in on a couple in a compromising position. Killian and Emma both burst out laughing, the heavy atmosphere of before dissolving. It was obvious that she was trying to warn them that she was back, just in case. But unlike last time when they jumped apart as if they were burned, neither moved. Emma stayed against Killian's side, arms tight and warm around her. It felt a bit like something had been opened and if she moved now it may slam shut, jammed and never to open.

Elsa opened the door and surveyed the scene eyes widening a bit in surprise but a smile pulled at her lips. Once the surprise dissipated, pride seemed to take its place. She moved into the room and set the bag on the coffee table.

"How are you feeling now?" she asked, and it wasn't just a question directed at Emma.

"Getting there," Emma answered, feeling as if that were the right answer for both of them. She was starting to feel sleepy in Killian's arms. The position was just so comfortable, even if it was completely out of the ordinary. Emma yawned, nestling a little further into Killian's side which made him chuckle.

"As much as I like having you here, love, I really think it would be better for you to sleep in a proper bed." Emma grumbled a bit in response. She didn't want to move. In her bed she would be alone, at least until Elsa went to bed, and she wasn't the same. "Come on, love. Bed time." Killian moved her a bit and then stood, sweeping her up into his arms before Emma could argue any more. She struggled a bit but Killian had a strong grip on her.

Killian carried her into her bedroom and placed her on the bed, bringing the covers up around her chin. "Someday I won't have to walk out of this room," he murmured to her. Swiftly Killian bent and kissed her cheek before striding out and shutting the door, plunging her into darkness. Emma fell asleep before she could consider the real meaning of those words.

Elsa and Killian spent the night taking turns in waking her up, every hour or so to make sure she wasn't getting worse. Every few hours the person doing the waking would also give her a new fever patch, the cooling sensation always making Emma sigh with relief. She grumbled each time she was woken but nothing nasty. They were losing sleep for her after all. Elsa was extremely thankful to have help, allowing a few less wakeups than when she had had to look after Emma before.

Finally by the morning the mandatory wakeups were done and Emma was allowed to sleep soundly for a few more hours. She woke around ten, Elsa already gone, the headache still there but much lessened and the dizziness gone. It was a relief to see that it was turning out to be a minor concussion. It was hard to tell at the start how the injury would manifest, how diffuse the bruising would be. At least she was more coherent this morning.

Emma pushed herself out of bed with a groan, her body more sore than her head from where she'd been thrown around. She teetered to her dresser and pulled on some denim shorts, hoping it would be warm enough to get away with them. The scrapes and bruising on her legs made skinny jeans an impossibility. Of course wearing shorts showed off the injuries which were turning a multitude of colours, purples and greens covering her knees and right thigh. Emma pulled on a light green sweater, pushing up the sleeves then made her way out to the kitchen.

Killian sat at the table, chewing slowly on a piece of toast. The newspaper was out in front of him, open to an article on the navy, a carrier on the open sea the picture heading it. He looked up when she sat down across from her, smiling. Emma could still feel his arms around her, warm and strong and safe. She wanted to be back in them and that surprised her, especially since she was thinking more clearly in the morning light.

"Morning, Swan. How are you feeling today?"

"Better," Emma answered, her stomach growling rather audibly. Killian laughed and stood, moving to the counter and putting two more slices of bread into the toaster. "Did Elsa leave already?"

Killian returned to the table with a glass of juice and a couple of Tylenol for her. "Aye, she left about an hour ago. Fought tooth and nail against it, wanting to take the day off because she didn't want you to be alone, but today's Friday so it's the intensive class. I managed to convince her to go because that class needs her."

Emma nodded, swallowing the meds. "Are you going?"

"No, not today. I talked to Elsa and she agrees with me, seeing Mary Margaret and Dave will be just as good for me as the class." The toast popped and Killian returned to get it, buttering it quickly, before Emma could argue that she was capable. Killian continued talking as he sat down. "Speaking of the couple this brings me to how I managed to convince your rather stubborn friend to leave. You're coming with me to the airport."

"What?" Emma gasped, nearly choking on her toast. "No, there's no need for that. I can't intrude on your reunion." It wasn't right. She and Killian weren't even dating. _Yet_ a quiet thought echoed through her awareness. She pushed it away.

"Please, Swan?" Killian looked a bit too desperate for what the situation was. Emma pursed her lips before shaking her head.

"I've been injured before and looked after myself many times. I can stay alone for a few hours. And you said last night, you haven't seen your friends in months-" Killian's eyes darted down to where his bandaged stump sat on the table._ Oh._ Yes, Killian hadn't seen the couple in months but they also hadn't seen him. Or his arm. "Fine. I'll go," Emma said, grumbling a bit for show which Killian smiled at. "What time do we leave?"

"In about an hour I guess. Their flight gets in just after noon so that should get us there in time to get parked and find the gate." Now that Emma knew what she was looking for she could see the tightness of Killian's jaw, the strain around his eyes that were usually so bright. Emma reached across the table and placed her hand on his arm like she had done the previous night.

"It's going to be okay, you know," Emma told him when he looked up at her.

Killian nodded and got up from his chair, circling the table at practically a run and stopping in front of Emma. She stood and he pulled her into his arms so quickly she stumbled a bit but he held her up. Emma hugged him back, allowing Killian to hold her against him for as long as he needed.

"Dave's always been so strong and now he has to see me like this. I know how Liam reacted. They're cut from the same cloth. I'm a wreck and I have to go meet Dave. I can't see the pity," Killian whispered above her. Emma squeezed tighter.

"Killian, these people love you with all their hearts. Why do you think they are moving here? There's plenty other areas near the water. It's because they want to be with you. You're their chosen family so they won't think ill of you. They won't pity you. Yes, they will be sad. But you are sad too. You lost the Navy. But you didn't lose everything. Your friends moving here prove that. Okay?"

"Aye," Killian answered before placing a soft kiss on the top of her head. Emma ached for the kiss to be against her lips but this wasn't the time for that. Not yet at least.

Killian released her and moved back to his seat. His eyes were red but he looked visibly relieved. Emma sat again and finished up her toast. The conversation turned to a more neutral territory, discussing where would be the best place to take Mary Margaret and David that night to welcome them. Eventually it was decided that a nice get together at Killian's apartment would be best. Liam had quickly confirmed he was coming after Killian had texted him the plans.

"You'll come too, right?" Killian asked as they got ready to leave for the airport.

"To the party?" Emma asked, surprised. The night at the apartment had been decided because of the intimacy and familiarity and Mary Margaret and David didn't know Emma. For all she knew, and was terrified to admit, they might hate her when they met her. That worried her because if they hated her then what would happen between Killian and her? Obviously he would side with his old friends and Emma would once again be alone and heartbroken. She aggressively pushed the thought away before it could show on her face.

Killian nodded. "It's going to be a quiet night so you should be okay right? And you can invite Elsa too." Emma chewed at her lip. "Please? I'd really like you to be there. And I think Liam and Elsa would really hit it off."

Emma snorted a bit at that before considering. The last man Elsa had gone on a date with had ended up being a jerk and getting locked in a walk-in freezer for it. But Elsa really did deserve someone special and if Liam was anything like his brother, well then Elsa was in big trouble. That made Emma smile. "Okay, we'll come. We may have to leave early depending on how my head feels."

"Excellent," Killian answered with a lopsided grin, not put off in the slightest at the idea that Emma may have to leave early. He just seemed genuinely glad that Emma had agreed to come for at least a little while. He grabbed the beetle's key from the table and led the way out to the car.


	13. The Nolans

_A/N:_ This is the longest chapter yet. I was having a rough night last night and decided to write to make myself feel better and then this happened. So I'm sorry that Liam isn't in this chapter but he will be in the next one, which I've already started fleshing out. It just got too long to add the party to this chapter without risking cheapening either of them. I'm also pretty proud of this chapter and wanted it to stand alone. I hope you all enjoy it! Thank you so much for all the support, favourites, follows and reviews! We're almost at 100 follows and 100 reviews! Maybe this chapter can break those milestones? It would be awesome if they did! Thanks and enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Killian's fingers bounced against the wheel as he circled the airport parking lot looking for a space. They didn't really beat in time with anything and the franticness of that made the air tense and Emma's head start to pound. The beat had been going since they pulled out of the driveway of her place and nothing she said could distract him from his nervousness. She reached across the console and put her fingers over his, making him jump.

"Trying to be a passenger seat driver, love?" Killian asked, voice strained, eyes never leaving the crowded parking lot.

Emma pointed out a spot as she answered. "No, just trying to calm that drum solo you've been performing." Killian finally parked, answering her with a rough laugh. He shut the car off, plunging them into silence now that the engine's whirring whine was gone. "It's going to be fine, Killian. I promise. I'll be there the whole time and if they try any funny business they'll have me to deal with."

Killian laughed again, this time closer to a real laugh. "I've no doubt you could take them. Though watch out for Mary Margaret, she's a feisty one."

Emma nodded, glancing toward the massive building that was the airport. "Frankly," she started, voice low and insecurities high, "it should be me who's worried about a bad reaction." It wasn't as if she gave people the warm and fuzzies on a regular basis. Killian put a hand on her shoulder, tugging her back to face him. Before he could try and correct her statement, Emma blurted out they needed to go in or they'd miss the arrival. Nodding firmly as an answer, they both got out. "And look at that," Emma told him, across the top of her car, "I did get your second drive."

A small smile lifted the corner of Killian's lips at that. "Aye, love, you did."

Killian met her at the end of the car after grabbing the flower's for Mary Margaret they'd picked up along the way, stopping once again. Emma wished she could soothe his worries but the only thing that could erase them would be the reaction David and Mary Margaret would have. Killian reached out and touched her hand tentatively. Emma knew immediately what he wanted and even though the idea of walking in there, holding onto each other when she really felt it wasn't her place to be there was frightening she couldn't turn it down. She also appreciated how he hadn't just grabbed her hand. With a steadying breath Emma interlaced her fingers with his. Killian sighed, a sound familiar to relief, and then adjusted the flowers so they sat in the crook of his injured arm, held against his chest.

"Ready?" Emma asked. Killian answered with a squeeze of her hand and they started for the door.

They were silent until they reached the gate for arrivals. People milled around them waiting as well. It was a bit frantic, people impatient to see loved ones or meet business partners. Every time someone would come too close to Killian's injured side he would flinch into Emma to get some distance from the strangers.

"Do you think I should have changed?" Killian asked, breaking the silence after about ten minutes. Emma looked over at him. The grey long sleeve shirt, dark denim jeans and scuffed black boots were what he'd been wearing the day previous but it wasn't as if he'd come to class that day prepared for a sleepover. "Maybe I should have gone home first, put on a dress shirt. Or maybe I should have on my uniform? Maybe a heavier shirt?" That question was obviously because the pressure bandage imprint was visible through the material of the shirt.

Emma cupped her free hand against his cheek, scruff scraping against her skin. She thought he was rather handsome, casual and pre-worn attire or not. The plain clothes allowed his blue eyes and messy hair to shine. "You look wonderful," she answered, trying to make him hear the sincerity behind her words. "No one here's expecting you to dress up. And anyways, you can change before the party if it will make you feel better- that's when you can dress up."

"I do cut quite the figure in a dress shirt," he answered, visibly relieved by her words.

"Then you better wear one tonight." Emma released his cheek and turned back to face the arrivals area, finding a group of people beginning to come through the doors. Butterflies filled her stomach as she watched, not sure who she was looking for, but wanting to see them coming.

"Well there's Prince Charming and Snow White," Killian announced, nodding towards the crowd, excitement starting to edge out the nervousness. Emma followed his gaze and found the couple.

David was easy to pick out as he was still wearing the starched blue uniform that signified his position in the navy, towing a carryon suitcase. A tall and broad man, he carried himself with an almost regal air in that he commanded attention. There was also something gentle about the way he cut through the crowd, a smile gracing his lips as he searched. Blonde hair and blue eyes made for a classic handsome, a far cry for the brand of good looks Killian had. Next to him was Mary Margaret. She was a small woman, jet black hair cropped short into a pixie cut, exuding happiness in her serene smile and kind eyes. She wore a floaty pink sun dress, Peter Pan collar sticking out the neckline, and strappy wedged sandals. The couple held hands as they made their way through the crowd. It was obvious why Killian had called them what he had. Even to Emma who had yet to meet them they seemed like the perfect fairy tale couple.

It was also obvious when David spotted Killian. A quick word was exchanged with his wife then they were moving through the crowd much faster, cutting a path with purpose. Killian seemed entranced, not taking his gaze off the couple. Emma slid her hand from Killian's loosened grip and stepped back as the couple reached them. Mary Margaret did the same, leaving the boys staring at each other.

"Lieutenant Jones," David greeted, eyes serious, back straight.

"Captain Nolan," Killian answered with a small salute, mirroring David's stance. Emma hadn't suspected such a greeting between best friends. It seemed so formal, especially now that they were both discharged but maybe she was missing something. Emma watched, confused, until Emma realized they'd both been fighting smile the whole time. David laughed first, jumping forward and pulling Killian into his arms. They hugged each other tight, slapping backs and calling each other friendly but slightly offensive names that screamed funny back stories. Emma couldn't help but smile herself as she watched the scene unfold.

After a bit they broke apart, grinning. Killian turned his attention to Mary Margaret, holding out the now slightly crumpled flowers. "For you, milady." She took the boquet of wildflowers, beaming.

"Oh thank you, Killian. They're lovely." Mary Margaret threw her small arms around Killian, hugging him fiercely.

"Emma helped me pick them out," Killian replied, finally realizing Emma had stepped back and turning to her. The look on Killian's face stole Emma's breath. Those too blue eyes radiated a deep happiness Emma hadn't ever seen in them. It spoke of a life before the accident had landed him in Elsa's class and Emma's life. Smile wide Killian bent and kissed Emma's cheek. A quick glance after he pulled back told her that he was just as surprised at the affection but she didn't push it as Killian took her hand again because he was finally_ happy._

"Mary Margaret, David, I'd like you to meet Emma Swan." Killian pulled her forward and Emma felt a strange urge to curtsey as if she were meeting a royal couple. "She's my girl-, uh, she's my Emma" Killian continued, fumbling for words. Both he and Emma blushed, a bit of panic running through her stomach before she could quell it. Because they were together, at least she thought they were. And it seemed Killian felt the same. Emma hadn't missed that he'd nearly said girlfriend. The idea of that sat much better with her than she could have ever guessed. Maybe it was the happiness of the reunion rubbing off on her or maybe it was just the truth.

"You're his Emma?" Mary Margaret asked, both confused and delighted at the prospect as she moved forward.

"Well my name is Emma. I guess girlfriend would be a better label," Emma answered sheepishly, biting her cheek. Killian gasped quietly behind her, surprised by her honesty. Emma gasped herself when she was folded into a hug by the other woman, unused to and uncomfortable with such contact.

Killian stepped forward, saving her after a few moments. "Let her breathe Mary Margaret," he urged quietly, extracting Emma.

"It's lovely to meet you, Emma," David said, sticking out his hand to shake, a knowing look in his eye. Emma bit her lip at the idea of a near stranger noticing her discomfort with physical contact but shook his hand, appreciating the gesture.

An alarm went off behind them, signalling the arrival of the bags. The group made their way over to the belt, Killian once again taking Emma's hand. It wasn't the grip he'd had on her before though, not driven out of a fear of rebuke. This grip was lose, a desire for contact, instead of it feeling like a necessity.

"So how did you two meet?" Mary Margaret asked while they waited for their bags to show up.

Emma looked to Killian, wanting him to answer. She wasn't sure if the couple knew about Killian's art therapy classes and she didn't want to say the wrong thing. Killian understood and gave her hand a quick reassuring squeeze. "You know those classes I've been attending? Well her best friend, who you'll meet tonight, runs them. Emma was there one day a few weeks ago and there was a security incident in which there was a hostage taking." Mary Margaret gasped and Killian continued. Emma could have sworn there was pride in his voice as he related the story of Emma saving Belle and rebuking him for trying to help. "She told me to go back and colour and then went out and was a serious badass."

"You told Killian, a special forces Navy officer to go colour?" David asked incredulous, laughing at the ridiculousness of the story.

"Well I didn't know at the time," Emma answered sheepishly. "I only went to Elsa's office to have a nap, not to meet anyone."

"She was a hard sell," Killian added. "Thought I was a right old git."

"I don't think I used those terms exactly."

Mary Margaret laughed, eyes flicking between the two of them. "Emma," she said, reaching towards her. "How about we go get some coffees and let the men get the suitcases?" Before Emma could answer, Mary Margaret had gripped her elbow and was dragging her off to the nearest Starbucks.

"You and Killian seem happy," Mary Margaret started once they'd gotten in line. Emma nodded, realizing what Mary Margaret's plan was. "I didn't expect to see Killian so happy. He is happy right? Or is this an act?"

Emma shrugged, examining the menu she'd seen a thousand times before as if it were the first time. "Today he's happy."

"But not every day."

"Not most days, at least not like today. It comes and goes in waves. But last night he was mostly nervous of what you'd think of his arm," Emma answered. It felt good to tell Mary Margaret rather than hide it all. She knew Killian far better than Emma did and would know how to handle everything, help him more than Emma felt she ever could.

Mary Margaret nodded solemnly at that. She ordered before answering, two regular coffees for Killian and David, a green tea for herself and a hot chocolate for Emma, despite Emma's argument that she could get her own. "That's quite the injury. I didn't know what to expect when I saw it. I knew what had happened, had gotten the call as soon as David had gotten Killian off the boat and to safety. But it's one thing to hear how his hand was crushed under a fully loaded lifeboat, that it couldn't have been saved, and another thing to see it missing." Emma nodded, storing away that bit of information. She hadn't known how it had happened, had been scared to ask but it was good to know to be prepared for when it finally came up in their conversations.

"I've not known Killian for very long but from what I know it's been really hard on him." While it felt alright to reveal some things, others, like what he'd told her outside of Granny's were too personal.

"I talked to Liam last week," Mary Margaret replied, saving Emma from having to elaborate. Of course Liam would know everything. "Killian's gone through hard times before, turned to alcohol then too but Liam said he's never seen him so bad before now that so much else was added on top. But he also said that for the last two weeks he hasn't touched the rum, has been running again daily, that he's been getting_ better._ Liam said Killian's like a new person, that he doesn't worry when he goes to bed that when he wakes up it will be to a phone call that Killian's gone. I don't suppose you would have anything to do with that?"

Feelings Emma hadn't been prepared for started swirling in her stomach. She knew Killian had goals, had been working towards them and that alcohol, along with some other things, had been an issue. But it was one thing to know and another have other people notice the change._ And attribute it to her._ Emma broke things, she didn't fix them, or at least that's what she'd so kindly been told before her world shattered five years previously. This new information was hard to understand and impossible to believe. There was no way she could heal Killian, not when she didn't even know how to heal herself and relied on Elsa to tell her how each time things got rough.

She was saved from giving a proper answer by the arrival of their drinks. Emma grasped her own, sprinkling cinnamon on top of the whip cream before she grabbed Killian's. Before Emma could leave the Starbucks and the emotionally charged atmosphere that was starting to make her head ache again Mary Margaret grabbed her arm.

"I just want to thank you for being there and for reaching Killian when we weren't sure anyone else could." Emma nodded, voice too thick with emotion to answer without embarrassing herself. She didn't feel like she deserved the credit, Killian had been the one taking care of her the previous night, was going to help her solve the case that had earned her the concussion. Emma had been so cold and hard to crack at the start, had pushed Killian away as best as she could and still spooked at pretty much anything emotional. She didn't understand how with all the trouble she had caused Killian she could be responsible in any way for him starting to get better. Usually when she caused that much trouble she was just tossed away.

Killian and David met them outside of the Starbucks with the bags. Killian immediately bent to see Emma's eyes better, frowning at whatever he saw. "Are you okay, Swan?" he asked quietly.

Emma swallowed the lump in her throat. "Sure, burnt myself on the hot chocolate." Killian shot a glare at Mary Margaret and Emma knew she'd been seen through. Killian let go of the suitcase and grabbed the coffee. Emma half expected, half feared, a kiss, since that had been the way the day was going, but it seemed Killian had an idea of what had happened between the two women and gave Emma the space she needed.

Emma grabbed the suitcase so Killian could keep drinking his coffee as the group moved out to the car rentals. David and Mary Margaret needed to get a vehicle until their own car was delivered with the rest of their belongings. Once they had the car it was decided that David would follow Killian to Emma's and then pick Killian up and take him back to her place. Emma had insisted she could drive herself but Killian still refused to let her, citing rather loudly her concussion as the reason. When the Nolan's heard she was concussed they sided with Killian, refusing any other plan than the one that involved Killian driving her home.

Defeated Emma got into the beetle, Killian following after explaining the general area they were going to, to his friends. Once in the car he turned to her. "What did Mary Margaret say to you?" he asked without preamble.

"Nothing," Emma answered, taking a drink of her hot chocolate.

"Don't lie to me Emma, not after everything between us. She's obviously upset you."

"It's what's between us that's upset me," Emma burst out, unable to keep it in under the scrutiny of those too blue, too intense eyes. "She told me about how she talked to Liam, how you've improved so much in just a few weeks and that I seemed to play a role in it."

"Aye, you have," Killian answered slowly, seriously. "But why has that upset you?"

"Because," Emma cried, voice growing thick with emotion. A quiet thump echoed in the tense car when she dropped her head against the door. "I don't fix. I destroy. I can't fix because I don't know how. Because no one's ever taught me, ever tried to fix me except for Elsa and by then it was too late. I'm too fucked up to fix anyone. And don't worry, that's not my own insecurities talking. I've been told that."

"Who told you that, Swan?" Killian asked, voice a deadly volume. "Because that is the biggest lie I've ever heard." Emma glanced up at him, the sincerity in his voice making it nearly impossible to breathe. "Emma, love, you've made these last few weeks livable again. I'm not saying I'm cured because of you. And I'm not looking for you to fix me because that's not fair to you. That's far too big a burden for any one person and I recognize that. But I'm saying that you've made me incredibly happy and realize that maybe there is a life out there for me, a different path than what I've planned but one I can find peace on. Maybe even with you if you'll let me. So yes, I owe a lot of this change to you. So don't let me ever hear you say you're too fucked up to fix anyone because I'm proof you're capable of changing lives."

Emma gaped at him. The words were foreign to her, bouncing through her head at a rapid speed. Killian's tone left no room to argue and Emma herself couldn't deny the change she'd seen in him. The visible proof was right in front of her as he sat in the driver's seat of her car. Maybe those harsh words that she'd been told right before she was left heartbroken and alone were_ wrong._ Maybe.

A horn honked behind them as David pulled up, breaking them from their tense moment. Killian lunged forward, capturing her lips in a quick kiss before pulling back. "Are we okay?"

"Yeah," Emma answered after a long moment, processing with surprise the near total lack of desire to run. "Yeah, we're okay."

"Good, because you need to be at the party tonight. I need to show you just how good I look in a dress shirt."

The wiggling eyebrows helped dissipate the rest of the heavy emotions and tension between them. She snorted out a laugh as Killian continued to make comments about his appearance and her reactions to it. Killian pulled out of the space as Emma's quiet laugh grew stronger. They were both still giggling like school children when he pulled into Emma's yard and let her out.

As soon as Emma got into her apartment she shot off a quick text to Elsa._ Calling in a favour. We've got a party tonight._


	14. Pictures and Parties

_A/N:_ Here's the party scene and the chapter where we finally get to meet Liam. As usual this chapter got away from me and changed directions slightly but I'm satisfied. Thank you so much for all the follows, favourites, reviews and support! This story is now over 100 alerts and has very close to 100 comments! You are all so awesome! It's a pleasure posting for you guys. If you haven't seen I've also started posting this story to Tumblr at . By tonight the first two chapters will be up! It will all be caught up to here soon, though updates will come here first. So please stick around! Thanks. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Emma spent the afternoon agonizing over the party and what she was supposed to wear. Not that she would ever admit that. After every outfit change she quickly cleaned her room again, hiding the evidence. Because Emma didn't agonize over clothes. But maybe, just maybe, she agonized over making a good impression.

She'd already met Mary Margaret and David, seemed to at least stop them from hating her but she hadn't met Liam yet. Which terrified her. Because Killian idolized his older brother, and rightly so. Liam had taken care of him, given him a home when he was abandoned. Made sure he was able to finish school and make the right decisions to be able to have a successful navy career. Emma knew how important that was because she'd never had that. She was terrified that Liam could make or break what she had with Killian, which after the conversation in the car seemed to much more real. And real meant that she could lose it all. Emma didn't know how to impress Liam, how to come across like she wasn't some jaded foster kid who spooked at anything sappy and spent her days hunting down criminals. And with the concussion Liam might think she wasn't even good at that. And what if Liam wasn't the only one there she hadn't met?

Emma cursed, kicking the frame of her bed, immediately regretting it when pain shot up her leg. At the same time the door to her apartment opened and Elsa came in, calling to her. Emma took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together. She wasn't in the mood for a lecture from Elsa on her wealth as a person. Toe throbbing Emma left her room after glancing at the clock. She had no choice at what she was wearing now, a pair of dark jeans pegged with a pair of black heels and a flowy emerald green tank top, if she wanted to be on time, or at least not unfashionably late. At least the tank top brought out the colour of her eyes.

Elsa stood at the door, swinging her car key ring around her finger, looking beautiful. She wore an ice blue maxi dress, a shiny silver ribbon tied around her waist that both accentuated her figure and how wonderful her posture was, creating a long and clean line. A few matching silver bangles climbed up one of her arms. Elsa's long blonde hair tumbled down her back in a messy and thick French braid. Strappy sandals finished off the outfit and Emma immediately felt both underdressed and out classed.

"You look gorgeous," Emma said, grabbing her bag of the sofa.

Elsa smiled. "As do you, Killian's going to lose his mind."

Emma raised her eyebrows in disbelief, moving past Elsa to the door. She didn't look anything special in comparison to Elsa or probably Mary Margaret now that Emma thought about the queenly woman she'd met earlier. She should have called Killian earlier and told him she had a headache.

"What number outfit is that?" Elsa asked when Emma marched out to the car with a frustrated huff. Emma didn't answer, getting into the car and slamming the door just a little too loudly. Though by Elsa's laugh that seemed to have been answer enough.

Emma gave Elsa the address for Killian's apartment he'd texted her a few hours previously, well before she'd gotten so nervous. Elsa plugged it into her GPS system and they were off. As Emma already knew the place was downtown by The Commons, the city bustling around them as they drove. What Emma wasn't expecting was that the apartment was actually in Beacon Hills, Boston's premier neighbourhood. That was great for the nerves. The GPS led them to River Street, a place just off the Common's, so close that Emma could see the park from where they left the car. The building was old and brick, four floors high, a metal fire escape and patinaed copper plating under the built out windows decorating the front. It was charming. And intimidating.

Emma pressed the button next to the big black wooden door that was marked for apartment four, waiting for a response.

"Hello?" Killian's lilting voice came through the tinny speaker.

"Hi, it's Emma."

"Excellent, come on up, lass," Killian answered, voice brightening considerably. A buzz sounded and then a click. Emma turned the now unlocked doorknob and looked towards Elsa who was examining the tall buildings of the surrounding neighbourhood.

"Nice place," Elsa murmured, slightly in awe. Elsa lived in a simple two bedroom apartment in Cambridge with her younger sister Anna. Elsa's decorating had made the place beautiful, but only through several years' worth of effort.

Emma nodded, stealing herself and pushing open the door. Inside was an old staircase, the railings sturdy and carved wood, painted a crisp white. A grey carpet covered the floor, muting their footsteps as they moved upwards to the second floor where units three and four were located. Elsa seemed to be letting Emma take the lead, stepping back so Emma could knock and find the place, probably because she thought it would be good for her. Emma wanted to roll her eyes but she knocked on apartment number four instead.

Immediately the door was thrown open, Killian standing there with a smile, hair tousled with a bit of product rather than the normal bare and disheveled look. It was party time after all. Emma took a moment to examine him before speaking, though that may have been forced by the dry mouth Emma got at the sight of her new boyfriend. Killian had been right, he did cut quiet the figure when dressed up. Wearing a dark purple button up shirt with a subtle paisley pattern, the top few buttons open to reveal a tuft of curling black chest hair. Around his neck was a silver chain, the charms peeking out from the open shirt. Killian's dog tags and a few pirate-like charms sparkled in the light as the necklace shuffled. Emma was used to seeing Killian covered up, hiding his arm as much as possible in public which meant usually the shirts covered his chest and necklace as well. She was glad she could see them now. They would be a very welcome edition to Killian's image if he decided hiding wasn't always going to be the solution. Maybe she'd talk to him about that later. Black jeans hugged his legs, making it nearly impossible for Emma not to run her eyes up and down them, feeling something akin to hunger shoot through them. Killian really was handsome and Emma really wasn't prepared for that.

Killian stepped aside, allowing Emma and Elsa to enter. As Emma passed he leaned into her ear. "You're absolutely stunning, love." Emma kept walking, trying her hardest not to blush furiously, the comment making her even more nervous. But even though she didn't respond didn't mean she didn't sway her hips a little bit more.

Emma followed Elsa into the apartment, stopping at the door to the living room. It was not as fancy as Emma had expected given the neighbourhood but it was cozy and had good bones. Wide windows sat in the far wall, allowing the evening light to stream in, the cream walls making it seem even brighter. The wooden floors looked original, as did the molding that framed the ceiling. A long heather grey sectional sat pushed against the wall next to the windows, the Nolan's lounging on it, their drinks sitting on the low coffee table in front of them. A simple TV stand, the same finish as the coffee table was on the other side of the coffee table, supported a sufficiently large flat screen, DVDs lining the shelf below it on the stand. Nautical pictures and memorabilia lined the walls and any free shelf space. The kitchen which was attached, only a countertop dividing the room seemed to be decorated similarly, the cupboards matching the floor and the backsplash a sea green tile.

Standing near the windows was a man Emma had never met but immediately recognized. Liam Jones. A stockier build and lighter hair that curled rather than tousled were the only differences Emma could see without blatantly observing him. And the lack of scruff. Which seemed to fit the serious and settled leadership persona Emma was immediately getting from him. A blue polo helped to bring out his eyes. A pair of jeans Emma knew had to have been precisely ironed covered his legs, less tight than Killian's but still allowing for a display of his fit form. Elsa was in trouble.

Killian caught up to the women, sidling up to Emma and placing a gentle hand on her back. A subtle cough drew the attention of Killian's friends who all turned to the door. Mary Margaret's face lit up immediately, smiling warmly at Emma. David seemed equally as pleased she was there. She could feel Liam's eyes drilling into her while Emma was saying a quiet hi to the Nolan's.

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet Elsa Arendelle, Emma's best friend and my infinitely patient therapist." Hellos and laughs echoed through the room. Emma had to grin when she spotted Liam's face; eyes rapt, biting the edge of his lip as a smile pulled at the corner, Liam looked as if he'd been slapped. A quick side glance revealed Elsa wasn't fairing much better, but Emma could only see that because she had known Elsa for years. Anyone on the outside would still have a job trying to break through the somewhat frosty exterior built when threatened or nervous. She and Emma were a lot alike in that manner. Though if Liam was anything like Killian that ice wall would be melting soon enough.

"Well, this is my brother, Liam," Killian said, drawing Emma's attention back to him. While she'd been studying Elsa Liam had come up to introduce himself being the only one in the room not to know her already.

"Hello," Emma replied, forcing her voice level and confident. She shook his outstretched hand firmly.

"Did you offer these lovely ladies a drink, little brother?" Liam asked, eyes lingering on Elsa on the word lovely.

"It's younger brother, and no," Killian answered scowling. "Elsa, can I get you something?"

"A beer would be great," Elsa answered after glancing down at the beverage in Liam's hand. Elsa didn't like beer very much but she apparently liked Liam.

"Let me help you get the drinks," Emma said, pushing Killian away. She had to get out of that situation or she'd bust out laughing. Elsa was just so cute.

"I told you they'd hit it off," Killian whispered against her ear when they'd moved into the kitchen. Emma nodded, glancing back at her friend who was now engaged in conversation with Liam, hand brushing through her voluminous braid in an almost coquettish manner.

"I'm really glad," Emma answered smiling. Elsa deserved someone nice and it seemed that Liam would be stable enough to help keep her safe and comfortable and he certainly was an attractive man which didn't hurt the allure.

"What can I get you, Swan?" Killian asked as he opened Elsa's beer.

"Soda?" Emma answered. "Alcohol and concussions don't mix well."

"To right you are," Killian answered with a chuckle as he pulled out two cans of Coca-Cola.

"No rum for you?" The half drank bottle of rum sat on top of the fridge. Emma had meant her words lightly but the bottle just served as a reminder of both Killian's dark days and Mary Margaret's words that morning.

Killian shook his head, noticing the change in the atmosphere between them. But he pushed on anyways, just like Emma hoped he would. "No, if the lady is drinking soda so shall I. It's only good form. And I should probably keep off the rum for a while, avoid adding to the problem," Killian answered, bashfully scratching that spot behind his ear.

Emma nodded, wondering how hard the nights were for him now that he was avoiding the warm and numbing blanket of rum. Did the demons haunt his when all his lifelines were asleep? Did the rum call to him? Was that why it was still out? Too tempting to put away, just in case?

Killian leaned forward and kissed her cheek, pulling her out of her revere. It was only then that Emma realized she'd been staring at the rum bottle. She blushed furiously, wishing the floor would swallow her whole. "You've got a lovely home," Emma burst out, practically yelling in her embarrassment.

Killian chuckled softly. "Aye, the landlord used to be in the navy so he cut me a bit of a deal. It was close to the hospital, which when I got the place I was visiting doctors every day, and Liam lives about a five minute walk from here."

"How often do you visit now?" Emma asked, curiosity outweighing propriety.

"Once or twice a week. Just to make sure the scar is healing properly, pain management, take some measurements," Killian trailed off with a shrug.

"Measurements?"

"For my prosthetic." Killian held up his bandaged arm, glancing at it with a mild disdain. Emma reached forward and grabbed the arm, holding the stump lightly between her hands. An intense heat built between them, so strong that it felt like a giant blanket, holding them both in place. Emma couldn't look up to Killian's face, eyes trained on the seam of the pressure bandage peeking out from his sleeve but she could feel Killian's intense gaze on her.

"Killian! Where did you run off too?" David's loud voice boomed through the apartment. Emma and Killian jumped apart instantly, chests heaving as if they'd run a marathon. Emma's hands were burning and sweaty.

"Right here, get your eyes checked," Killian yelled back over the counter, voice breathy and hoarse. Killian grabbed Emma's hand once he'd tucked the drinks into the crook of his arm and pulled her back to the living room. David shot them a grin, almost like a father interrupting his daughter during her first date. It was such a novel feeling that Emma couldn't even find it in herself to be annoyed.

Liam and Elsa were still engaged in a deep conversation, having moved to the armchair which Liam sat in and Elsa perched on the arm. Mary Margaret was thumbing through what looked like a sketchbook or magazine next to David. Killian handed Emma her drink then delivered Elsa's. A few sheets of paper fell out of the book and Mary Margaret picked them up, leafing through them.

"Oh Killian, these are beautiful," Mary Margaret gasped, startling everyone. Mary Margaret held up the papers one at a time. The first was done with pastel, smudged and slightly messy, obviously done with Killian's shaky left hand. It was of the back of a woman, curling blonde hair falling down her back in a multitude of golden, beige and yellow hue. She wore a red leather jacket as she stared out to sea. It was obviously Emma. And clearly very beautiful, done with painstakingly careful strokes. Mary Margaret held up the next one before Emma could think of an answer. The second picture was in charcoal, once again smudged but done mainly for shading, of a woman pinning a man to the ground. The first day Emma had met Killian. The final was also done in muted pastel of Emma sleeping, hair falling over her face, arm flung over the back of her blue sofa. The colours weren't quite right, done in sherbet colours, the only colours that were exact being Emma's hair. The tiny date printed in the corner was that day. It must have been right after the airport.

Emma stood, jaw hanging slack, staring at the final picture. It was the best of them all, so beautiful and painstakingly done despite the simple topic. The lines were straighter, more detailed. And the_ colours._ They molded the light in a way that seemed to make Emma glow gently. It made her feel beautiful. Like she was admired. And cared for. Was that how Killian saw her? The details were too precise for just a casual acquaintance, it took study. Had Killian been watching her as she slept, appreciating and filing away the information? Emma felt the emotions well up, unsure what to do. Normally she would run. Normally she would strike out. But now she stood there. Wanting to hold the picture in her hands, take it home, frame it and hang it next to the art Elsa had done for her.

"Emma?" Elsa's voice was quiet in her ear but she might as well have yelled. The room had fallen into silence once everyone had processed the magnitude and the_ intimacy_ of the pictures. She'd moved from her spot next to Liam in a flash and was now holding Emma's arm, perhaps in case Emma did follow past actions and sprint out of the building like Hussain Bolt. Elsa was trained as a psychologist, she was trained to act according to the theory that the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. "You okay?"

Emma nodded, tearing her eyes away from the painting to find Killian. Killian was staring at her in little spurts, alternating between intently watching her face and checking the floor for imperfections. Emma caught Killian's eye and the fearful look slowly faded into a tentative joy, realizing there was no overwhelming fear, only awe in Emma's eyes. All at once Elsa let go of her arm and Killian rushed at her and swept her up in a kiss.

After a moment of surprise Emma melted into the kiss. Killian's hand slid up her back, pressing her closer, tight enough the charms dug into her breastbone. A quick swipe of tongue across her lips had Emma opening, breathing in warmth, mint and soda. She gave as good as she got, tongue flicking against his own, his teeth, sucking in his lower lip and biting gently. Her own hands slid up into his hair, the silky strands slipping against her fingers easily but too quickly, forcing her to comb the hair again slowly in order to savour the feel.

A not so subtle cough from either David or Liam, she couldn't be sure, broke them apart. Killian chuckled roughly, before stepping back, pupils blown wide and face flushed. With the heat coursing through Emma's body she was pretty sure she didn't look much better. She glanced down, straightening her shirt as she tried to calm her racing heart.

"So you don't mind?" Killian asked, still a bit tentative. Emma nodded, not trusting her voice to not embarrass her in front of everyone.

"Don't be creepy when you watch me sleep though," she said after a moment, poking his ribs with her forefinger.

"I'm never anything less than a gentleman, Swan," Killian answered with an easy smile.

The rest of the party was much calmer, no surprises and no discomfort. Emma spoke for a while with Mary Margaret and David about their plans, the house they were moving into in the morning, David's job search. Emma promised to ask a few of her contacts at the police office if they knew of any jobs for a retired Navy officer. She also spoke with Liam once he'd managed to tear himself from Elsa, or rather when Elsa left him alone to go speak with Killian. Liam told her all about his job with a harbour tour company, about the boat he and Killian were going to buy once Killian was better in order to start their own company. Liam didn't say much else about Killian except that he was happy his little brother had found Emma.

The night ended for Emma and Elsa just after nine when Emma's headache started to return. The party was starting to get a little much for her. Killian walked them to the door after the others had said their goodbyes, demanding Emma meet them for brunch sometime soon, not letting up until she relented. Not that Emma wasn't secretly looking very forward to it. She was starting to realize how nice it was to have more than one real friend she saw outside of a diner at 3am and these people were providing the opportunity for an entire friend group. Elsa was walking on air as she left, Liam's number saved in her contacts. She left Emma and Killian just outside the door for a few moments of privacy.

"I want that picture so I can frame it."

"As you wish, love," Killian replied. Despite the light and entertained tone those four words seemed to hold a lot more weight than their meaning strictly entailed. Emma hurried away from the apartment as soon as she could without being rude after that, knowing that while she had been ready to deal with the paintings she was not ready to deal with those words.


	15. Backup

_A/N:_ And we're back. Sorry for the long wait- I've been having issues with this story. If you're waiting for other chapters take a look at Operation Albatross. I find that easier to write and I take requests for that one-shot series. Thanks for all your support, reviews, favourites and follows. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

A knock on the door around ten am roused Emma from her sleep. Emma wracked her brain for who might be bothering her on a Saturday morning since Elsa had a key and would never stand on such ceremony. If she was going to get out of bed it better be the Girl Guides with some Thin Mints or a big bottle of Tylenol. Anyone else was getting an earful for waking a concussed woman up on a weekend.

Grumbling about her head and the light streaming through the window she stumbled through her living room and to the door, ripping it open.

"What?" she barked.

"Morning to you too love," a lilting and somewhat entertained voice replied. Emma rubbed at her eyes to focus in the light, revealing a casually dressed Killian Jones.

"Oh, ugh, morning," Emma replied, a little embarrassed. She glanced down at the tiny shorts and ripped shirt she was wearing, having just grabbed whatever was top in her drawer the previous night. Not exactly what she wanted the world to see. Especially the way Killian was looking, tight black athletic long sleeved shirt that showed his old Navy muscles, dog tags and charms bouncing against his hardened chest. The white pressure wrap peaked out from the sleeve. A pair of loose olive shorts to negate the warmth of the long sleeve shirt and beat up black chucks covered his feet. The outfit made Emma's heart hurt a bit, not only because of how attractive it made him look but because he was still hiding his injured arm. But that wasn't a matter for then, not when he was still standing outside, waiting for her.

"Come in?" Emma asked, moving out of the way.

"Finally, lass. I thought you'd make me wait out here until I was old and grey."

Emma rolled her eyes at the sarcasm, moving into the kitchen to get some painkillers. "What are you doing here anyways?" It wasn't as if they'd made plans or anything.

Killian's face scrunched up but he was quick to push the emotion away. It was gone before Emma could decipher it. Had it been embarrassment? Self-consciousness? Disappointment? Emma may not have known but she did feel the shame at snapping. It seemed she had been crankier than she'd thought. Emma_ really_ wasn't a morning person.

"Sorry," Emma amended. "I just meant, I know we didn't have plans or anything, and it's early. I figured you'd be spending the day with the Nolans?" They had spent the night with him after all and wouldn't be moved in yet. Killian shrugged, non-committedly, fingers playing with the visible edge of the bandage. And then Emma got it. "They're smothering you aren't they?"

The sheepish blush was enough of an answer. "They mean well." Killian sighed, a body shaking, fully exasperated one. "But yes. Mary Margaret keeps wanting to help with my physio, make sure I'm doing it. She tried to make me make breakfast with my hand all alone, like a real one. Which I can't." Killian's sigh this time was a defeated one. "I can't hold a pan and stir at the same time. Not without a prosthetic to keep it from spinning around and spilling everywhere. She doesn't understand that though. She thinks that I can do it all, it's just self-confidence. And maybe it is. But that still doesn't mean I can do it now. So I panicked and said I was going to brunch with you."

"And now you're here," Emma replied softly. She closed the distance to where Killian was standing unsure next to the couch and placed her hands against his hips. "If you want to do brunch I'm game. Or if you want to hide here for the day that's fine too."

Killian's face changed, relief brightening the nervous pallor of his face. "I was thinking we could do brunch at Granny's if you are feeling up to it. I thought maybe we could review the case file for Tom, get rolling on that. Don't want him to get away."

Emma nodded, sobering at the mention of the man who'd beaten her up. It had been a few days and there was a chance Tom was already gone. Yes, concussion or not, the past haunting her or not, it was time to get back on the horse. She had a man to catch.

"Just give me five minutes and then we can go," Emma told him, moving towards the bedroom. "How did you get here anyways?" she called as she ripped her shirt off and pulled on a worn cotton t-shirt.

"I drove."

"You drove?" Emma replied, shocked. She didn't even know he had a vehicle.

"Yeah, Liam finally let me have my keys back," he answered, sheepish tone returning. It seemed he became bashful or a bit embarrassed every time his hand came up. Listening to Mary Margaret for the past two days must have been extremely overwhelming for him.

"That's great!" Emma replied, voice excited but careful not to let her tone veer towards a childish pride. It was Killian's car, he deserved to have it back. It wasn't as if this was something that deserved a party, at least not for Killian. That would just remind him of how much he had left to accomplish.

"Yeah, came in handy this morning," Killian answered as Emma bounded out of her room, straightening the hem of her denim shorts. In one hand she held the case file along will any information she'd previously printed out on Tom. "Before we go, Swan," Killian called, nervous tone back. "I have something to give you."

Killian produced a frame from behind his back and the nervousness made sense. Emma hadn't noticed the frame before, though she'd not exactly been alert when she'd opened the door either. Emma took the frame and gasped softly. It was the picture from last night, the one of her asleep on the sofa. It was secure in a simple brown frame, a wide cream matting around it. The frames matched what Elsa's art was mounted in along the walls, Killian obviously picking it for that reason.

"It's beautiful," Emma told him sincerely, standing on her toes to kiss his tenderly. When she pulled back Killian was grinning widely, clearly relieved. "Thank you. And I have the perfect spot for it." Emma hurried to the kitchen, opening the side drawer and pulling out a Command Hook. She always had a bunch on hand since Elsa would randomly show up with art wanting to hang it. Emma motioned for Killian to follow her into the bedroom. Expertly Emma secured the hook and hung the picture right beside the head of her bed. "Now sleeping Emma can be next to sleeping Emma," she replied with a laugh, straightening the corner.

"It will keep you safe while you sleep since I'm not here," Killian whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek. Emma let the foolish statement stand because it seemed as though Killian really wanted to believe it. She wouldn't correct him on it because she wished herself there was a way to keep him safe and happy when she wasn't around. Emma slid her hand into his and moved out of the room, heavy atmosphere dissipating as they distanced themselves from the door. Emma grabbed a sweater and her purse from the back of the door with her free hand and led the way out of the apartment.

Emma stopped in the parking lot, a bit stunned by the vehicle that was waiting for them. Of course seeing as this was Killian's vehicle she shouldn't really have been surprised. This man wasn't exactly a straight cut sergeant like Liam or David, veering more towards Captain Hook in her opinion. Parked next to her little bug was a vintage Bronco truck, paint black and shiny with a cream roof. It had been well taken care off, no rust to be seen. Liam must have been taking care of it while Killian was out to sea.

"Nice rig."

"Aye, she's nice for a land ship."

Emma snorted out a laugh as she pulled herself into the passenger seat. "Pirate."

"Maybe now. Though this used to belong to a navy special ops."

"Still does," Emma replied, laying her hand on Killian's as he slid into his own seat. "Always will." She pulled back when Killian looked over at her, crooked but hopeful smile in place. Again, that little contact was enough. "So how was the drive over?"

"Traffic was okay, not as bad as I expected. Better than the drive in your little death bug."

"Hey," Emma shouted in mock outrage, slapping his arm. Killian answered by catching her hand and pressing a kiss to her open palm. She rolled her eyes and pulled her hand back, allowing Killian the ability to start the truck.

It was fascinating to watch Killian drive. It was a completely silent ride, as Killian concentrated, the only sounds the occasional curse if the standard engine started to stall. When he had to change the gear he'd use his injured arm to hold the wheel steady as he used his hand to use the stick, foot pressing the clutch. It started to stall a few times but not enough for him to be a danger. The way his mouth curved up in a half smile as he concentrated, obviously pleased at himself. It was nice to see Killian smiling in a way that seemed subconscious. His life was making him happy._ Finally._ Yes, Liam had made a good call giving him back his truck and therefore his freedom.

Parking was a bit different. Parallel parking was not within his skillset without a prosthetic hand. After a few tries the cursing got more violent and Killian's once happy face started to scrunch in frustration and defeat, especially as cars had to go around them or wait. It broke Emma's heart to see the drastic change. Subtly she unbuckled her seatbelt and slid across the bucket seat.

"I'll steer, you clutch." Before Killian could argue Emma slipped up onto his lap. Killian cursed again, but in surprise rather than anger this time. He recovered quickly though, injured arm going around Emma's waist to hold her steady as she balanced on his knees. "Alright, let's go." She placed her hands on the wheel as Killian pressed the clutch. The truck started moving again and they were finally able to slide into the spot. Another gear change and a reverse and the truck straightened up against the curb. They only hit the curb once._ Maybe twice- _not that Emma would admit that. Killian shut off the truck and planted a kiss on her cheek.

The kiss moved towards her ear, making Emma's stomach flutter. "Not now, tiger," Emma replied with a sly grin. "I'm hungry." She grabbed her stuff from her seat, opened Killian's door and hopped out. Killian followed her into the restaurant chuckling about _bloody vixens_.

Emma slid into her usual seat, waving at Ruby who was leaning against the counter. The waitress ambled over, two menus under her arm.

"Fancy seeing you at a reasonable time," she drawled with a smirk. "This cutie forcing you out of bed?"

"Actually yes," Emma answered. Ruby raised an eyebrow at the out of character candor. Emma held up the closed case file. "Work matters."

"And I'm good company," Killian added. Emma rolled her eyes good naturedly. Killian's eyes lit up when he noticed her following shrug of agreement.

"The usual please," Emma asked, not really in the mood to discuss her budding relationship with Killian.

"I'll have the same," Killian replied to which Emma raised her eyebrow in question.

"You don't even know what that is."

Killian answered with his own shrug and simple words. "I trust you." Simple words. Not so simple meaning.

"Okay," Emma replied, voice raspy, her breath stolen. Ruby nodded and moved away, knowing Emma well enough not to press when she was teetering on completely overwhelmed. Killian seemed to sense that too and reached across the table to flip open the case file, pointing to the photo of Tom.

"What's the game plan?"

Emma leaned back in the booth, stretching as she considered the file. "Casinos are his stomping ground- terrible gambling problem. It's how I found him before. Seedy, cheap, low buy-ins and lots of slot machines."

"But he won't go back to the one you caught him at."

"I doubt it. I can probably pull his credit card records, see where he is now. The general area should point us in the right direction. Just look for the nearest dive."

Killian flipped through the file, studying the information carefully. "How long will that information take to get?"

Emma shrugged even though Killian wasn't looking at her. "A couple of days. I'll text Graham now." Emma pulled out her phone and sent the request while Killian continued to read. When she'd finished, also asking for phone records, Ruby had arrived, putting down two plates of pancakes and two mugs of steaming hot chocolate with cinnamon.

"Thank you, lass," Killian said as he examined the breakfast, pushing the file to the side where it was safe from syrup drips.

Emma's phone buzzed against the table, Graham's answer coming in quickly. Emma opened the message and read it out to Killian. "I don't work until tomorrow but I'll run it in the morning. No problem." Killian nodded, satisfied at the response.

"Once we know where he is we can make a plan and catch him. I'd really like to get him ASAP."

"Me too," Emma answered, swallowing her hot chocolate. "Just knowing he's out there-"

"You're safe, Emma." Killian's hand grazed her own before giving it a squeeze, fingers slightly sticky with syrup.

"I wasn't for a long time," Emma admitted quietly. For a long time she was the victim. She remembered it all. No amount of time would allow her to forget the fear, the hurt, the absolute desperation forcing her into a lot of situations she had no business being in. She'd accepted a lot of it with Elsa's help but moving on wasn't easy, especially not when your past showed up in a case file.

"You are now. No one will touch you with me around."

"I can take care of myself," Emma replied but it had a lightness to it that carried a thankfulness.

"But sometimes it's nice to have backup."


	16. Progress

_A/N:_ So sorry for the ridiculous delay. I'm all over the place lately with my OCD and life in general. I hope this chapter makes sense and isn't too cut up, I just wasn't in the mood for writing smut, and wanted to get this up. Hopefully some of you are still around to read this. Let me know what you think! Thanks for all the support, reviews, favourites and follows. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

"So did you want to hide at my place for a while?" Emma asked as the big black truck pulled into her driveway.

"That would be preferable. I'm too lazy to go for a run. And you have such a lovely couch."

"Maybe I want the couch," Emma replied, pushing her bottom lip into a pout.

"Then you'll have to race me for it," Killian answered, vaulting out of the truck. Emma gave a surprised squeal and scrambled after him out the open driver's door.

Killian didn't account for the fact that Emma had the apartment keys. Emma hip checked him and sent him stumbling as she slid the key into the lock. Killian returned pinning her against the door, hips strong against hers. That made Emma's concentration flicker, something which Killian had planned for when he flicked the door open and dashed for the couch. It only took Emma a second of standing at the door stunned to sprint after him. They fell together in a pile over the arm of the sofa, landing hard.

Killian's arms wrapped around Emma's waist, taking the brunt of the jolt when they landed. Emma glanced up once she'd managed to fight of the concussion disorientation from the abrupt landing. Killian was staring down at her, eyes dark, brows slightly furrowed as his tongue ran across his bottom lip.

"Emma."

Emma didn't respond because she didn't have the breath to. Killian bent his head slightly and pressed his lips against hers. They were warm and soft and tasted slightly like the syrup he'd had earlier. Killian's arms tightened around her, pulling her up as he sat so she straddled his lap. Emma's hands went to his face as his arms ran across her back is long strokes. The touch of her fingers seemed to bring a level of awareness to Killian and he jerked his stump away from Emma.

Emma pulled back, reaching around behind her for the injured arm. She held it in her two hands, cupping it and kissing the top of the bandage. "Come on, Killian. Don't do this with me."

"I'm sorry, Emma." Killian's voice was soft and his eyes downcast.

Emma shook her head fiercely. "I don't want you to apologize. I just want you to know that you can touch me with it. This is you Killian. And I'm with you."

"It's just so horrible to look at. I mean the doctors did a good job sewing me up but the accident, but the whole forearm was crushed. It's still not exactly the right shape, some of the muscle is gone. It's just-"

"Will you show me?" Emma asked. Maybe if he saw she didn't care, even when she knew exactly what it looked like, he would be more open with her about it. Yes, he was getting there but this would be a major step towards that goal.

"You don't want to see it," Killian answered, obviously nervous.

"Actually, I do. If you're willing to show me."

Killian gave her a long look before his hand began to unwind the pressure bandage. With each unwrapping his eyes focused even more on the task and even farther away from Emma's face. Eventually the bandage fell away. Emma reached forward tentatively, waiting for Killian's permission. When he didn't pull away she took the arm into her hand and gentle pulled back the sleeve.

And yes. It was bad. But it wasn't as bad as Emma had been expecting which she was really glad for since she didn't even react to the sight. A thick and slightly raised red scar ran across the base where the doctor had sewed the skin together. Some of the muscle near the outside edge had been removed or atrophied, leaving a divot in the skin, the small amount of swelling still near the end of the stump making it a bit more obvious. Some residual bruising was still around the surgery site, the stitches looking like they'd just been removed.

"Thank you," Emma said, holding the stump in her hands.

Killian finally looked up at the soft tone of her voice. "You're not repulsed?"

"The only way I'll be repulsed is if you give me food poisoning when you cook me dinner tonight."

Killian's brows furrowed in confusion, teeth worrying at the edge of his lip. "Don't you remember why I ran out of my own place? I can't cook by myself."

"I never said you were going to do it by yourself," Emma answered, giving him back his arm and kissing his lips sweetly. "But remember that sheet of goals? Yeah, let's knock another one off the list tonight."

Killian actually grinned despite the tenseness of the past moment. "You like Italian?"

"Oh yeah," Emma answered. "Love it."

Killian gave her cheek a sweet kiss before settling back on the couch. Emma flicked on the tv to some crappy made-for-tv movie before she leaned back against Killian's chest. Both his arms wrapped around her, holding her tight. His stumped arm rested against her stomach while his good hand stroked her side. Emma grinned. Yes, they were making progress.

Emma realized she'd fallen asleep when she woke up to a whole different crappy movie and no Killian. She pushed herself up, looking around, confused as to why Killian would leave without telling her. Had she been wrong about their progress? Had the exact opposite happened? Panic began to coil deep in her belly.

As she looked around she noticed a pad of paper propped up on the coffee table. She reached over, grabbing it.

_Love,_

_Hopefully I'll be back before you wake but in case you find yourself awake and alone I just wanted to let you know where I went. I just popped down to the grocery store to get things for supper. You really need to grocery shop lass, you can't make a meal out of Pop Tarts._

_See you soon,_

_Killian._

Emma snorted out a laugh. She shouldn't have worried, this was Killian, not anyone from her past. Killian wouldn't leave without telling her. He wouldn't hurt her. He wouldn't abandon her. Emma laid back against the sofa taking deep breaths to try and calm her racing heart. Killian wasn't Neal. Wasn't Walsh. Killian was completely different.

The doorknob rattled about twenty minutes later, rousing Emma from her thoughts about Killian's differences. She sat and watched Killian come in, arms laden with grocery bags. Before Emma could get up and help, take the ones that were putting pressure on his injured arm, Killian shot her a glare. It wasn't strong enough to be nasty but enough to tell her to stay seated. Killian would do this himself.

"That's a lot of bags for one meal," Emma mused, arms hanging over the sofa back as she watched him set them on the counter.

"You have nothing in this house. How have you not started eating the walls?"

"Granny's is nearby."

"You eat like a sixty year old bachelor."

"A well fed one."

Killian rolled his eyes and started unpacking groceries. Cherry tomatoes, a baguette, spaghetti, various spices and sauce ingredients covered the counter. Emma moved to join him, stealing a tomato and popping it in her mouth.

"Hey, that's for dinner. Give that back!"

"Come and get it," Emma replied, raising a brow. Maybe it was the relief that Killian was back and hadn't left her that was making her cheeky but whatever it was Killian seemed to appreciate it. A low growl sounded from the back of his throat and he lunged, kissing her hard.

Emma responded in kind, hands running up his back and into his hair. Her fingers fisted the soft locks as Killian boosted her up onto the counter, fitting himself in between her legs. The kiss was never broken as they moved. Heat was running through Emma's body, boiling her blood. Killian grasped her tightly, the growl returning when Emma sucked his bottom lip into his mouth.

"Supper can wait." Killian's voice was completely wrecked when he whispered that into her ear.

Emma squealed as Killian threw her over his shoulder and promptly walked them into the bedroom, kicking the door shut with his foot.

They surfaced again about forty minutes later. Emma was very much pleased with this progress they had made, the afternoon's activities showing the escalation in their intimacy levels. Killian had allowed his stump to be near her head, helping to hold him up as he hovered and moved above her.

Killian's hair was going every which way, a sight that Emma quite enjoyed, especially since she'd done that. Another thing she found very appealing was that he was now cooking shirtless in the kitchen, shorts slung low on his hips. Emma herself was wearing a pair of shorts and tank, mainly because if she was going to be cooking she would end up covered in hot things and burned boobs was really not a part of her plans.

"Do you want to cut the tomatoes? Or are you going to eat them all?"

"If I do eat them will I get the same punishment as last time?"

"I think you enjoyed that a bit too much," Killian answered, voice husky. "I think you'll have to wait for that. Wouldn't want you being hungry beforehand."

"Oh, I'm plenty hungry now," Emma replied softly, popping a tomato into her mouth. Killian made an exasperated sound, tearing his eyes away from Emma's lips. Emma laughed, pleased she'd flustered him, and started cutting the tomatoes again.

Killian worked over the stove, sautéing some pre-cut garlic and onions. He'd been smart when he'd gone shopping, getting things that would increase his independence level. The spices were either in containers with flip lids or precut like the garlic and the sauce base had a peel off lid that he could open himself by pinning the can between his chest and bad arm and using his fingers to open it. Emma didn't offer to do anything, just did what he told her to do. She would make sure he knew she thought he was capable.

"Bring the tomatoes over, okay?"

Emma nodded, carefully lifting the cutting board. She empties it into the pan, kissing Killian's stubbled cheek as she did so. "Smells delicious."

"Thanks." Killian jiggled the pan. "I used to be faster."

"I'm in no rush."

"Can you hold the pan and stir while I pour in the other stuff?" Emma nodded, holding the pan still as Killian emptied the tomato paste, white wine Emma had uncorked earlier, some balsamic vinegar and basil paste into the pan. A bit splashed up at Emma, making Killian clench his hand around the tube of basil. It wasn't that he was mad that something had spilled, it was that he hadn't been able to do it all himself, keeping Emma away from the hot liquid.

"It's okay, Killian. This is why I put on a shirt." Killian didn't answer but gave her a nod, jaw clenched. "Look, it's fine, okay? Don't let a few drops of sauce ruin our dinner."

"But it's not a dinner I cooked, not like before."

"Killian," Emma said seriously, "I cut up some tomatoes and opened a few things. You cooked. I just did what I was told. Who figured out the recipe? Who got the ingredients? Who made the sauce? Who cooked the pasta properly?"

"Me," Killian answered, brightening slightly, when Emma started pointing it all out to him.

"Who cut the tomatoes and opened the wine?"

"You."

"See?" Emma asked, smile matching Killian's growing one. "You cooked."

"I did, didn't I?

"You did," Emma replied, placing a sweet kiss against his lips. "And now I'm going to eat it."

Killian pulled Emma into a bone crushing hug, lifting her up and twirling. "It seemed so impossible with Mary Margaret," Killian said as he put her down. "But you made it seem almost normal."

Emma shrugged. "That's because I didn't treat you like you had something missing."

"Thank you, love."

"Maybe we can cook for Mary Margaret soon, show her that you don't need the fussing?" Emma sat two plates on the counter and spooned some pasta onto them. Killian poured the sauce over top. Carefully Killian sat a plate on his stump then grabbed the other and picked his way over to the table. Emma watched him, trying to hide her proud grin. She followed with two glasses of white wine and utensils, taking her seat across from him.

At one point Emma had been terrified of progress. It had seemed so impossible, just not in the cards for her. But today, today she saw just how good progress could be. And she couldn't wait for more.


	17. Art Class

_A/N:_ So sorry for the long delay between chapters. My life is so very busy that any free time I have now my brain is absolutely fried and I can't write. I'm not even sure this chapter is good but I wanted to put it up to try and move this story along. I hope there's someone who still wants to read this and if so thanks so much! I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read what I write, especially after such a long hiatus. I hope you like it. Let me know! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belongs to ABC and the show's creators.

Emma didn't seem Killian for the next few days after their dinner. She'd gotten pulled into another bail jumper case. Even though she wanted to concentrate on only the case with Tom and Killian somebody had to pay her bills. Emma had spent four days hunting for a car thief, ironically in her own old stolen car. But Emma liked to think that after nearly eight years it wasn't exactly stolen anymore. Especially when she had to pay insurance on the heap of beloved junk. She'd eventually caught the thief sleeping in his stolen car in a Walmart parking lot Friday morning. Idiot hadn't even locked his car. He'd gotten quite the surprise when Emma had flung open the door and dragged him out by his feet.

By the time Emma had dropped him off and was leaving the police station with a cheque that would cover her rent it was nearly four o'clock. Just enough time to make it to the healthcare center. To the Friday Intensive Art Therapy Class. To a certain accented man. The temptation to see Killian, even though he was supposed to be in the art therapy class was too great. She wouldn't get there to see him beforehand but she could see him after and that was better than nothing.

It was so strange for Emma, to be this tempted by a man, to let her heart actually guide her down the highway. It had been so short a time since she'd met Killian. She'd taken years to get to the point where she was only having panic attacks when she got caught off guard and now she was with a man. It was puzzling and just a bit worrisome. But it wasn't the time to think about that now. If she fell down that rabbit hole she may not be able to dig herself back out again.

Each time she'd fallen into that pit it got harder to get out, harder to pull herself away from the past. Each time things got a little darker, a little deeper, less of a distant memory and more of an open wound. It was Elsa who would find her, after not speaking to her for days on end, curled in a ball on the bathroom floor or in the back seat of her car, swan pendant clutched between her fingers so hard the chain imprint on her skin would last three days. Even though she had gotten better the relapses had gotten worse. Perhaps it was that they seemed worse in comparison to the good days instead of day after day of hell. Or perhaps it was that the fear had grown. With each good day the fear the past would return, the fear that Emma would once again lose herself grew and that made the relapses all that much harder. Now she wasn't just fighting her demons. Now she was also fighting the fear, the fear she wouldn't return to her life away from Neal, the fear that she wasn't good enough, that she was too weak to win, to deserve a good life. It was all so very much now.

Muscle memory must have taken over because the next moment Emma became aware she was pulling into a parking spot. She parked and shook herself hard. It had been a long while since she'd dissociated like that. Emma used to lose hours of her day, sometimes having done an activity during it, other times just sitting in one place, body locked up. She hated that Neal could still do that to her. Or the fear of what he had done and continued to do to her could do.

Emma sucked in a grounding breath, harshly in through the gaps of her teeth and out through her nose with a whistle. The buzzing of the clock on the dash was louder than a swarm of bees, grating and distracting, pulling her from her attempt to focus.

A knock on the car window added to the noise and had Emma screaming. Her hands flew to her ears, eyes slammed shut. She felt like she was on a raft in a storm, her body shaking, muscles tight. The start of a panic attack.

"Emma?" The voice trickled into her narrowed consciousness. She knew the voice. "Emma!" The door wrenched open. A light hand rested against her knee, applying just enough pressure to gently turn her.

"Emma? Love?" The hand slid up to her face, pulling away one of the hands that had been covering her ears. "Emma, are you alright? Come on love, take a breath." She knew that pet name._ Killian._

Emma forced her eyes open. Killian was kneeling in front of her, resting against the car door, eyes wide as he took her in. "Hi," Emma forced out, voice as casual as she could make it.

Killian snorted at her response. "Are you alright?"

Emma shrugged, embarrassment making her skin flush hot. "I just got reminded of someone."

"The same one from when I scared you weeks ago?"

Emma nodded. "I took in a car thief today. It just reminded me, well of the irony of my life." Emma's voice trailed off and she looked away.

"It's okay. We can deal with that later if you want." Killian grabbed one of the hands Emma had started twisting in her lap. "How about we go inside. It's four and Elsa will be in there." Killian stood, waiting for Emma to join him.

Now that the panic was ebbing it hit Emma that she had let Killian in even more. She'd mentioned Neal. Her biggest weakness. The thing Emma fought more than anything to hide. The only thing she could be grateful for was that she hadn't revealed that thinking about how different Killian was had triggered it. She could have messed everything up if Killian thought it was his fault.

"Swan?"

Emma shook her head. "Yeah, let's go,"

Killian pulled her from the car, looping his arm immediately around her. She was infinitely thankful for that because she was still shaking hard enough that walking inside alone would cause some problems. Of course Killian had guessed that.

The two of them slipped in just as the class was starting. Emma moved away from him at the door, planning to slip into the office and calm down alone but Killian pulled her back. "Draw with me? Someone once told me this class would make your life a little better."

"Sounds like a smart woman," Emma replied in a hushed tone, remembering the day she'd yelled at him. Killian was looking at her with that hopeful and timid smile that she couldn't refuse. And even though that annoyed her to no end, well, maybe the class would help. She could use a refresher after four years away from it. "You better not show me up, Jones."

"Wouldn't dream of it, love," Killian whispered back, leading her to his usual desk and grabbing a chair from another table so they could sit together.

Emma tried not to look directly at Elsa but she knew her friend was battling a smug smile at the front of the class. She'd been begging Emma for years to actually attend a class every once and a while, knew Emma had the tendency to spiral without warning and still needed some help. Yet, by only asking once Killian had convinced her to stay. Emma would never hear the end of it now.

"Okay, class," Elsa began, serene voice filling the room despite its quiet and gentle tone. "Today we're going to work through a fear. I want you all to try and represent something that scares you, more than anything else, on paper. I'll come around and we can talk about it and if you want you can share it at the end of the day."

"Shit," Emma hissed under her breath. Of course it would be fear week. Killian glanced over at her, concerned and curious. She shook her head and Killian politely turned back to Elsa.

"Fear is a powerful weapon," Elsa continued, walking around the front of the class. "It can be used by the people who hurt you to keep hurting you even when they aren't around. It can be used for your own mind to hurt your heart. It keeps you back, keeps you inside, keeps you hiding yourself. Maybe you're scared of hurting yourself. Maybe you're scared of hurting someone else. I know I was. I got convinced after I accidently knocked my sister down and hurt her that I was a monster. A neighbourhood kid, Hans a little troll of a kid, got to me, and made me believe I needed to be locked away. I spent ten years inside, barely leaving my room unless my parents gave me permission and accompanied me." Emma knew there was a bit more to the story, that Anna had actually fallen into a frozen pond and a kid who'd been working the grounds around the pond had pulled her out, near frozen to death. That kid was Kristophe, Anna's now husband. "It took be four years more to work through my anxiety. I drew this years ago," Elsa continued on as she grabbed a paper and held it up.

Emma had seen the picture many times as it was usually tacked to the wall in Elsa's office. It was a picture of an open door. Outside was her sister skating on a pond. Anna was maybe eight. It was winter, Elsa's favourite season, chosen because it showed just how tortured she was, forcing herself to stay inside. It was a painful picture to look at when you knew the story behind it.

Elsa put down the drawing and took a deep breath. "So draw whatever scares you. But maybe look deeper than spiders, alright?" There was a rumbling in the room as everyone set to work.

Emma sat still, staring at her blank paper. Beside her Killian was starting to shade his paper. Emma hadn't actually done this exercise herself before. This had been one of the classes she'd marched out of. Elsa seemed to remember that because she came directly to the desk Emma was sharing with Killian and squatted next to her.

"You going to finally complete this assignment?"

Emma shrugged. It wasn't like she hadn't completed it before because she had no answer to the assignment. She knew her fear. It haunted her. Hell, it had got to her in the parking lot ten minutes prior. But she didn't like to acknowledge it. She was Emma Swan. She had to be strong. Her fear was her deepest, darkest secret. If she revealed it people could get to her. What if when Killian found out about Neal he left? Emma couldn't handle that. It would tear her apart, not just because he'd left but because she'd given herself the opportunity to be left.

"Come on, Emma. You can do it."

"I really don't think I can," Emma whispered. Killian set down his pencil and turned to her.

"Swan, love, if I'm doing this, so can you. We're in this together."

"You don't understand what Elsa's asking me to bring to light."

"Maybe he would if you talked about it," Elsa answered. "Don't give it the power over you, Emma."

"But if I tell I'll be alone again."

"Swan," Killian said fiercely, grabbing both her hands in one of his. "I know you aren't perfect. I don't care. I'm not perfect. You fit in my missing pieces and I hope I fit in yours. And that's okay. If you don't want me to know what your picture is that's fine. Do it for you. But if you feel ready to tell me after, I promise I won't leave. Whatever happened in your past, it can stay there. I'm in your present and hopefully, if you'll let me, your future." Killian gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before dropping her hands and returning to his drawing, an attempt at giving her what little space the single desk would allow.

"Listen to him, Emma. I found out about your past and I didn't leave and we weren't even having sex."

Elsa left Emma sputtering at her boldness as she glided over to the next table to guide another client in the activity. How could Emma not complete the activity now? She couldn't not when Killian had been so sweet. Part of her wanted to hear a lie behind his words but another part, a slightly larger one, heard the truth. Maybe getting this out in the open would make things easier. Killian knew about her past in the foster care system, about Tom, and he hadn't run. Killian had actually offered to help. This issue wasn't something he could actually help with but maybe he could at least understand why Emma got triggered so easily sometimes, why she was so scared of letting people in.

Before she could overthink it any more Emma grabbed a grey pastel and put it against the paper, drawing a heavy straight line.

Emma didn't look up until Elsa had called the class to a close. She didn't want to see Killian in case there was pity or disgust or fear in his eyes. She didn't want to see Elsa, see a pride in her eyes as if completing this issue was some grand revelation. That would have been too much pressure. She'd already spent a good portion of the class wanting to rip up her sketch and run from the room. If she focused only on her task it was as if she were alone with no one to judge her. But eventually she had to accept she wasn't alone.

Emma glanced around the room as people started to pack up. People seemed relieved, not even more scared as Emma felt. Even Killian didn't seem very anxious as he put the finishing touch on his piece. It was of a ship sailing out to sea, a one handed man in a navy uniform left on the dock. Abandonment radiated from the dark colours, greys and blues blended into the waves that crested the warship. It was beautiful and painful.

She ran her fingers around the edge of her own drawing, examining the rough lines. She wasn't half the artist Killian or Elsa was but it was still clear that she had drawn a jail cell, a blonde head in the corner looking towards the person standing on the other side of the bars- free. The man had no features but Emma knew the brown eyes and curly hair that should have been there all too well. They haunted her on bad nights. And she hated them more than anything. She hated Neal more than anything.

Emma dropped the picture and ran her fingers through her hair, tugging hard at the ends. Killian leaned towards her. "Would you like to talk about it?" he asked, soft, kind, genuinely curious. All the tones and emotions Emma had been scared to hear weren't there. She'd been so sure Killian would panic when he found out he was with someone who'd been sent to jail. And yet he hadn't.

Maybe Killian deserved to hear the whole story. Or at least what Emma could put into words. Emma folded the picture and stuffed it into her jacket pocket before standing. "Okay. But not here."


	18. Finding Emma

_A/N:_ This is kind of an angsty chapter but it's important to Emma, who's story isn't strictly cannon here. I got really into writing it and stayed up way too late to finish. Fingers crossed I did this chapter justice and it's not just a superficial explaination. Hope you all enjoy! Let me know what you think! Thanks for the support even after I went away for so long!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

The ride to Killian's apartment was silent, Emma playing with her finger nails in the passenger seat of Killian's truck. She wanted to be in her own car but Elsa had taken her keys after overhearing that Emma was going to finally tell Killian her story. Apparently Emma wouldn't be capable of operating heavy machinery afterwards._ Well, maybe that was true._ But Emma didn't have to agree out loud.

Killian pulled into the driveway next to his apartment building and parked. When the hum of the engine was silenced Emma's own thoughts filled the void. It was heavy, pushing her into the worn leather seats. She'd never told anyone the whole story at once. Not ever the prison warden which had earned her a trip to solitary. It had always just been too hard. And now she thought she could actually tell the full story? To Killian of all people? The one person she wanted most to think she wasn't so completely broken, just a worn out human held together with Scotch Tape?

Killian came around the front of the truck and opened the door for Emma but she didn't move. Couldn't move. Once she got out of the truck she was officially doing this. After she finished the story she might not even have Killian in her life any more. That was too risky. She'd made a mistake.

"Swan?"

Emma didn't move, just stared out the windshield hoping the truck would be swallowed by the earth and leave Killian with only the memories of Emma being slightly damaged. Not catastrophically irreparable.

_"Swan?"_

Emma shook her head, still staring straight ahead. No. No, she just wanted to go home.

"Emma, love," Killian murmured, kneeling on the truck door ledge. Emma started when Killian placed his hand on her shoulder. "I won't make you tell me if you don't want to."

"Too broken."

"What?" Killian asked, voice filled with disbelief and anger, as if he couldn't decide which side of that statement he fell on.

"You'll leave."

"I promise I won't."

"Everyone does." Nothing was truer for Emma.

"I'm not everyone."

"But that's something everyone says on TV."

Killian snorted out a laugh. Emma's lips curved up in a wry smile despite herself. No matter what was going on this man could always make her happier. It wasn't right in her life. That kind of life Emma lived had nothing to do with happiness. It was just about surviving.

"Emma, my love, we are both broken in one way or another. Darling, you know a lot about me, about my accident, how I was barely living at the bottom of a bottle of rum until I met you. You know I was orphaned because I was too much trouble. Yes, I've got Liam and I know I'm so lucky to have him. But I'm still an orphan. I know what it's like to be left. And to be found." Killian paused, taking Emma's hand and kissing it gentle. "By you. Now let me find you."

At his sweet words Emma glanced at him sharply. Her lie detector wasn't going off. Killian's raw honesty shone through his words. Could she do that? Let him find her? Killian wasn't asking her to try and sail to shore and meet him there. He was asking for the coordinates to find her.

Emma nodded and pushed herself around Killian before her fear could win out again and make her legs stop working. She could do this. She'd actually completed Elsa's fear task earlier. She was actually brave enough to do that. Maybe she really was brave enough to do this too. Get it all over with in one day. At least it would save her from future agony.

Killian rushed to catch up to her, pulling the apartment door open for her. They walked up the stairs together, once again in silence. Emma didn't trust her voice. She didn't want to hear the tears before she started to tell the story. Killian let her into his lovely apartment and lead her to the couch, sitting down next to her but not against her. It was obvious that physical contact would be Emma's decision.

She left the space between them. At least for now.

Emma sucked in a deep breath before rushing headlong into the story. "I was eighteen." Killian's eyes widened, surprised by how quickly she'd started talking. But Emma knew time was of the essence. The longer she waited the larger the fear would get.

Emma took another breath and started again. "Well, to be fair that's not the start of my story. That starts the day I was born. I was found a few hours old on the side of the road. No one knows who left me there. Or why. I've never known what a family would be like. As I'm sure you already guessed, I'm a foster care reject. I stayed at each house for less than a year because there was always something wrong with me, bouncing around until I was sixteen and thrown in a group home. I guess that made me really desperate for affection." Emma gasped in a breath, having forgotten to breathe in her haste to get through the first part. Now it was Neal's turn. She started talking again, voice a frightening monotone.

"I met Neal Cassidy when I was eighteen. I was fresh out of the system. The freedom was heady. But also too overwhelming. I didn't know what to do so I started living outside of the law. I met Neal stealing my yellow Bug. He'd already stolen it." Emma barked out a harsh laugh. Killian was still watching her silently but she couldn't turn to look at him and see the pity she was certain would be there. "Neal and I got together. Neal said I was pretty, that we'd settle down, have a family. I was head over heels in the first month. How could I not? I had been alone my entire life and Neal was promising me home. And I was stupid. What I didn't think about was that Neal had been living the criminal life longer than me. Neal had done some serious shit. Grand theft. Break and Enter. Probably more I don't know about. But I didn't care. I felt that Neal was taking what he deserved, that it was right. That showed you how much Neal had manipulated my feelings. It's why I went along on the final robbery." The monotony of her voice faltered, the tears starting to creep in. Emma was honestly surprised she'd gotten as far as she did without the tears. But here was where Killian would either stay or run away, far and fast. "It got violent. Neal bet an owner of a watch store up. And I sat there and watched because I didn't know what to do. I couldn't believe that the Neal I loved was so violent. Maybe I went into shock but that isn't an excuse. Neal grabbed maybe eight really fancy watches and then turned on me. I'd been dumb enough to beg him to just leave. Security had been tripped and we had no time. I was scared of going to jail. Neal pulled a gun, yelled at me that it was my fault, that I didn't deserve to be free. I couldn't move. The cops showed up and Neal took off through the back. Turns out he had another friend pick him up and drive away. Cops couldn't find him but they sure did find me."

"Emma-"

Emma held her hand up, staving off Killian's words. She needed to get through it before she was told to get out. "I got arrested. Went to jail for being an accomplice for eighteen months. I was devastated. I'd gone from one system to another. I kept telling myself that Neal would come back for me, that he'd tell the cops what had actually happened and return the watches. Ten months passed and then that hope actually came true. Neal showed up at the prison, having changed his identity. I figured he'd come to get me. Neal told me he'd moved out of the country, that he was just back to tie up a lose end. That was me, if you're wondering. It turns out I was a means to an end for Neal. Sex. Crime partner. Scapegoat. I started to cry. Because Neal had been the first person I fell in love with. I told him that. Neal responded by telling me that I was a whore, dropping my pants for the first guy who learned my name and letting him convince me to commit crimes for him. That I was useless and deserved nothing, that no one could ever love me because I was some broken shell. And then he laughed. Neal laughed so much the guards had to escort him out for being noisy. That was the last time I saw him. I came to Boston after I got out and the court mandated me attend Elsa's class as part of my parole. And now I'm here."

Killian didn't say anything for a long while. Emma's palms grew sweaty as she waited, still not looking at him. Eventually it became too much and she blurted out the first thing she thought of. "I know how weak I am for letting that traumatize me. I guess the picture represents being left alone more than Neal. I'll go now."

Killian caught Emma's hand as soon as she started to stand, pulling her down against him. "You're not weak. You're the strongest person I've ever met." Strong arms wrapped around Emma, holding her tight. The sheer disbelief of Killian actually wanting her near him after her story caused the tears to break through. She sobbed into his shoulder.

"Shush, love. It's alright. I'm still here."

"Why?" Emma forced out around a hiccup.

"Because you aren't any more broken than I am. You're so worth it, Emma. You deserve more than I can rightly give you but I want to try. For as long as you'll have me. You deserve love and a home. And if I ever meet this Neal fellow I'll show him just how worth it you are."

"Are you saying you'll fight for my honour?" Emma asked wetly, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder to make sure he was actually real.

"Forever," Killian replied, kissing the crown of her head. They stayed on the couch for hours, Killian rocking her as Emma cried for everything in her life that had gone wrong and for how unbelievable it was that Killian had found her.


	19. Dinner with the Nolan's

_A/N:_ Sorry for another long delay in writing this. School has been hectic and I haven't even had the time to watch the new episodes. At least I don't mind spoilers and have Tumblr to keep me in the loop. But I'm finished of papers today for the semester, just a meeting and an exam left to go in a week so I'm pretty much on break now. Which means I'm back! (Hopefully some of you are as pleased as I am that I'm writing again). I hope to finish A Bounty of Paint Pots over winter break. At least that's my goal. I'm also writing Operation Albatross again as well if you want to check out more of my writing. I hope some of you are still around to read this chapter. Thanks for all your support over this process in the form of views, reviews, favourites and follows! I so appreciate it! So let me know what you think of this chapter and enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

After the emotional toll of the day Emma's body had crashed on her, or rather, on Killian's couch. A light set of footsteps roused her, Emma grumbling a bit as she came too. Her nap had been fitful, her mind replaying old memories. But they weren't the night terrors she was used to, instead more like regular nightmares. Which, when one experiences night terrors, anything is an improvement so Emma was pleasantly relieved to see that what she'd done earlier had helped. And a bit scared as to what that meant about how much she trusted Killian.

Emma opened her eyes as Killian came into the living room, hair ruffled as if he'd fallen asleep himself for a bit. He'd changed while Emma was out, grey sweatpants hung low on his hips, a white t-shirt showing his arm now that they were away from prying eyes. The hard planes of his body were visible through the tight cotton. Emma liked that look.

"Welcome back, sunshine," Killian laughed, coming closer when he noticed her watching him.

"Sorry," Emma replied. "I didn't mean to pass out on you."

Killian sat down next to her, taking Emma's hand in his. "You needed the sleep, you were through a lot today." Emma shrugged, not wanting to really get into it again. Killian smiled, understanding, placing a quick kiss against her temple. "Thank you for sharing with me. I won't make you regret it."

"Thanks for listening," Emma answered quietly. They were quiet for a few moments before her stomach growled, causing them both to laugh at the awkwardness.

"On that note, I need to ask you something. Mary Margaret called a little while ago and they wanted to bring over some Chinese. I said I'd ask you first. I wasn't sure if you'd want to be around them after today."

Why was Killian so kind? He'd offered to put off dinner with his best friends for her. Messed up, broken her. Emma wasn't sure what she'd done to deserve him or if it was all some sick joke from the universe but she had to try. Sure she was emotionally and physically exhausted and still a bit traumatized and anxious but that spot inside her that had come to be shaped like a certain Ex-Naval officer was growing like the Grinch's heart on Christmas. She just couldn't say no.

"Chinese would be great."

"Excellent," Killian answered, his voice doing little to hide just how pleased, and maybe relieved, he was she'd agreed. Emma had to shake her head at that silly, kind, amazing man. "Let me just go text Mary Margaret to let her know we're on and they'll be over in a few minutes."

True to his word, the Nolan's were knocking on the door ten minutes later, arms laden with brown bags and bringing with them the smell of food that made Emma's stomach growl again. Emma hurried to grab a bag, deflecting the interaction she could see coming a mile away from the look in Mary Margaret's eyes when Killian moved to grab them. The woman was unfailingly kind but she was terrible at hiding emotion. Killian seeing that pity would have crushed his beliefs in his ability. Again.

"I'm so glad you could join us, Emma," David called as he took out a variety of white and red takeout containers. Killian went behind him, prying open the lids with his dexterous fingers. Emma had to stop herself from sending Mary Margaret a smug look because she did mean well. She just didn't quite seem to get Killian's emotions. She had this thing about her where she could only see good things. Anything else was something to pity. Or fix. And since Mary Margaret couldn't fix this it seemed to make her uncomfortable and a bit desperate.

"It's my pleasure," Emma answered, leaning against the counter next to him. "I'm really glad you guys are around now."

"Me too," Dave answered quietly, voice masked under the din of Killian and Mary Margaret pulling out cutlery. "But it seems that Killian was doing pretty good without us."

The tone was pointed. Emma knew David was referring to her. She shrugged nonchalantly in response. She wouldn't take any of the credit- she was no good at fixing people. This was all Killian. Emma was just understanding because she knew what it was like to have to learn to live again. It was too soon to take any credit for Killian anyways. She was just his girlfriend. It wasn't like Killian loved her. Or she him. Maybe. She wouldn't actually admit anything more. It was too scary to recognize just what her feelings had become. Especially when she didn't know where Killian stood. That kind of mistake was how she'd ended up in the mess with Neal in the first place. Not that Killian was anything like Neal but she'd still learned her lesson.

Killian joined them then, handing a plate to Emma, his own trapped between his chest and stump. When Emma had taken hers he grabbed the plate, setting it on the counter and sliding it across in front of all the containers of food, using his hand to dish out noodles and rice, meat and veggies. Emma followed, doing the same.

Killian noticed and shot her a quick grin. "It's not nice to mock," he said lightly.

"It's not nice to block the food," Emma answered, hip checking him away from the bag of egg rolls. She knew Killian meant nothing by it. Because Emma had done it too, the technique wasn't as isolating.

Killian kissed the crown of her head, chuckling lightly, before leading her over to the couch with their food. David followed behind with his and some sodas for Emma and Killian. David sat in the chair while Mary Margaret perched on the arm beside him. They all ate in companionable silence for a while.

"Killian," Mary Margaret called when she'd finished her meal. Killian looked up with a grunt, mouth full of Lo Mein. "Isn't your final prosthetic fitting Wednesday?"

Killian nodded, swallowing loudly. "Yes, in the afternoon." The tone of the reply was timid, as if he knew something was coming he wouldn't like.

"Is Liam going with you?"

"No. Liam's working that day."

"Well you can't go alone," Mary Margaret quickly cut in. "This is a big deal. They're picking out what your prosthetics are going to look like. You'll get them next week." Killian had tensed beside Emma at Mary Margaret's statement, fingers going white as he clamped down on his fork. Emma slid her hand against his thigh, trying to be reassuring. "What if you can't be objective? It may be emotionally challenging. You shouldn't go alone," Mary Margaret repeated.

"Killian's not going alone," Emma blurted. "I'm going with him." Emma knew she'd just invited herself to an appointment Killian clearly wanted to go to alone but she figured as long as Mary Margaret thought she was going, that was all that mattered. Emma wouldn't go if Killian didn't want her too. Killian was just so kind to her. Emma had this frighteningly strong compulsion to do whatever she could to make Killian's life easier.

Killian tensed again for a moment before relaxing. "Emma and I are going out for lunch first and then to the appointment," he added in, lying smoothly.

"Oh. That's lovely," Mary Margaret replied, seemingly appeased. "Thanks Emma."

The night went by smoothly after that, no more talk about Killian's arm until the Nolan's had left. Killian had asked if Emma wanted to stay the night and she had agreed. It would have been too much of a bother for Killian to drive her all the way home at the late hour and she really wouldn't complain about sleeping next to Killian Jones.

Killian's bedroom was the same cream colour as the rest of his apartment. The matching furniture set was all a new and dark wood, the queen bed taking up most of the room. The wooden floor was covered by a fuzzy beige carpet, soft and squishy under Emma's bare feet. A thick navy comforter was pulled across the bed, made with the precision one would expect from someone who'd spent so much time enlisted. It was a cozy room that for a split second Emma allowed herself to picture becoming a home away from home for her.

"Do you actually want to come to the appointment?" Killian asked quietly as they both got into bed.

Emma turned to face him, leaning back against the headboard. "Only if you want me to," she answered. "I just really wanted to get Mary Margaret off your back."

Killian snorted at that before closing the space between them to kiss her softly. "I do. I didn't realize I did until you said you were going earlier. But I want you there."

"Then I'll be there."


	20. Call Me Captain Hook

_A/N: _Hope you like the update. It's a long one! The next update I put up will be for Operation Albatross so keep your eyes open in the next couple of days for that. Thanks for all the follows and favourites, views and reviews. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Emma picked Killian up at twenty to two on the day of his prosthetic appointment. She'd asked Killian if he wanted to follow along with their previous plan and go to lunch but he'd said he wasn't hungry. It was a lie, Emma knew Killian loved eating with her. But Emma didn't argue, there wasn't a point. Killian's nerves wouldn't be settled until he'd gotten the fitting out of the way.

In the time she'd booked off to take him that was now empty Emma had gone to the police station to see Graham. Tom's information had been run while Emma was healing from her concussion. He was still in the city, gambling, as Emma had suspected, in another neighbourhood. There were no charges from a hotel, so he was either bunking with a friend or paying in cash, smart for not being traced. But Tom wasn't a genius so it hadn't been hard for Graham to type a few things into his database on a break and bring up the information.

According to Graham no one else was out looking for Tom, Graham having pulled some strings and given only Emma the case. Even though he pretended he didn't, Graham had run her file when she started working more closely with him so he obviously knew about her past. She appreciated what he had done for her and carrying the file out of the station that afternoon she was determined not to let him, or herself, down.

Emma tucked the file into her glove compartment. She would tell Killian after the appointment. For now she didn't want him focusing on anything other than what the doctor would tell him. If Killian knew she had the file now he would insist they go on a stakeout and find Tom, that finding the criminal was more important than fitting his prosthetic. But Emma knew Tom, knew how cocky he could be, how sure of his intimidation factor he was. Tom wouldn't be leaving town yet, not when he thought he had beaten up Emma so badly she'd run scared. There was lots of time to find him yet.

Killian was waiting for Emma when she pulled up, the hood of his dark grey sweater pulled up over a tired looking face. Killian could have walked to the hospital but Emma was already in her car from her previous errand so she offered to pick him up instead of meet him there. Honestly, she was also picking him up because she was scared if she didn't he would back out.

"Hey," he said quietly, slipping into the front seat.

"How are you doing?" Killian just shrugged for an answer. Nodding in return Emma started the car and drove them the rest of the way to the hospital.

Once Emma had parked, Killian got out without a word. Despite his quiet aloofness he still waited for her at the front of the Bug, ever the gentleman. Emma gave him a small smile, waiting for him to lead her into the rehab clinic. The closer they got to the doctor's office the tenser Killian became, stress evident in the ramrod way he held his shoulders, the way he jammed his injured arm into his sweater pocket. When they'd reached the secretary's desk to check in Killian finally broke the wall he had been hiding behind and grabbed Emma's hand, holding it in a vice grip Emma had previously thought possible only by women in their thirteenth hour of labour.

The secretary was pleasant as she checked Killian in. The doctor, who Killian had not met yet, was just finishing up with a previous patient so Killian was told to wait in the hard plastic chairs across from her desk. When Killian didn't seem to want to move anywhere, staring towards the clock on the wall, Emma tugged his hand, pulling him away from the secretary who was becoming increasingly uncomfortable under Kilian's unfocused gaze.

Her hand still trapped in Kilian's, Emma took a look around the office. It was a light beige, a private series of rooms off the main rehabilitation wing hallway. Pictures hung on the wall of amputees, before and after their prosthetics. Emma glanced down at Kilian's wrist and then back up to a picture of a man in military fatigues, a prosthetic on his arm from mid upper arm downwards and a smaller foot one visible because the man's pant leg had been rolled up. Kilian's injury could have been so much worse. Seeing the military man on the wall Emma felt so lucky, so blessed that Killian had only lost a hand, not his whole arm or worse, his life. She didn't think Kilian would have been able to come back from a worse injury as well as he had this one, which was saying something because every day was still a struggle for the man. Emma couldn't picture a life now without Killian beside her and while that terrified her, she chose then to just feel lucky she had him at all.

Emma leaned over and kissed Kilian's cheek softly. He turned to her, shooting her a confused look. She just smiled in return, not really sure how to verbalize how she was feeling or if she should. After searching her gaze for a moment longer Killian closed the gap and kissed her lips.

A cough broke them apart a moment later. Killian jumped up, clearly startled, the tips of his ears turning red. A blond doctor stood in front of them, lab coat swishing around his knees. A man about the same age as Killian wheeled out of the office behind the doctor and out into the hall. Killian tensed and Emma knew his train of thought had gone a similar way as her own had earlier.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Whale," the blond man said, putting out his hand for Killian to shake. "You must be Killian. Why don't you follow me Mr. Jones and I'll take a look at your hand?"

Killian started after Dr. Whale before stopping and turning back to Emma who still sat in the waiting room chair. "Are you coming?" he asked.

Emma glanced towards the doctor, not sure if she was allowed before deciding that she didn't really care what protocol said. She was here for Killian. Emma hopped up and hurried towards him. Killian immediately took her hand. Only once he had Emma firmly in his grasp again did he follow Dr. Whale into the spacious office.

Killian took a seat on the paper covered examination table that was pushed against the wall. Emma stood next to him, their clasped hands resting lightly on the mattress. Dr. Whale took a seat in his wheely chair before rolling towards them.

"So, I don't know who you are," Dr. Whale said, turning to Emma, holding out a hand to shake. "Are you the girlfriend?"

Emma nodded. "Emma Swan," she replied, shaking Whale's hand.

"Good. I'm glad Killian has someone during this adjustment phase." It was all doctor small talk but Emma went along because she was glad too, nodding her ascent to the doctor.

"So, Killian," the doctor started, getting down to business. "I've read your file and it looks like you've progressed nicely. It was good that you were already in excellent physical shape. Are you keeping up with that? Or is just physio your exercise now?"

"I run most days," Killian answered. "Nearly ten miles." Emma caught the pride in his voice, remembering that list he had made all those weeks ago. She ducked her head and grinned, trying to hide from the doctor but she knew Killian had seen.

"How has your hand been? Any phantom pain?"

Killian chewed on his lip. He and Emma hadn't talked about the pain really. She knew more about the emotional pain he went through because of their interactions at and around art therapy, but Killian being a typical man, had tried to keep all the physical from her. Sometimes she'd see his teeth clench for a few moments and then relax or he would abruptly hang up the phone at night and she knew it was from the injury but she never pushed. Emma gave Kilian's hand a squeeze, trying to let him know she didn't care if he talked about it.

"Aye," Killian admitted after a few moments. "Mostly at night. It's still really sharp most of the time it happens. Feels like my hand's still trapped under the boat."

"And does that cause any panic?" Whale was getting at the diagnosis that had sent him to Elsa's therapy class. Emma had only guessed that Killian had been suffering from some sort of adjustment or post-traumatic stress disorder. If it was PTSD it was much more controlled than Emma's was though she really hoped he didn't have it at all.

"Sometimes," Killian answered with a sigh. Emma gave his hand another squeeze. "She helps. The world isn't so hard when she's with me," Killian said quietly, glancing towards Emma.

The breath whooshed from Emma's lungs. What could she say to that? They hadn't been together that long. The first time they had met Emma had screamed at him to keep out of her way and then had a panic attack the second time. Neither one had said the L word yet, though Emma could feel it brewing just below what she was willing to think about, waiting for a moment of weakness to bubble up and break her. The last person Emma had told she loved was Neal.

"Swan?" Killian asked, tone concerned, pulling her from her thoughts. It was then Emma realized she'd been staring off in her own little world, starting to pull tiny little breaths into her lungs without breathing out.

_Pull it together Swan._ Emma sucked in a full breath before giving Killian the most reassuring smile she could manage. He raised his brow at her, searching her face before turning back to the doctor with a nod once he was satisfied she wouldn't lose it then and there.

Emma gave herself a mental kick. This was Kilian's appointment. Killian needed the support. Not her._ Why did she have to be so broken?_ She couldn't even make it through one sweet admission without spiralling. Maybe she really did need to take Elsa's advice and start going back to art therapy class. It might not be so bad this time around with Killian beside her.

Emma zoned back in on what the doctor was talking about, remembering Mary Margaret saying Killian should have someone else to help make the decisions in regards to his hand. Dr. Whale had grabbed a few measuring devices from the desk and was explaining to Killian how he was going to measure for the prosthetic. Whale motioned for Killian to take off his sweater.

Killian gave Emma's hand a subtle tug. He wanted her beside him but didn't want to admit it in front of the doctor. Emma settled on the mattress, paper crinkling under her and let go of Kilian's hand long enough for him to pull of the sweater, revealing the old Navy training camp T-shirt underneath. Emma took the soft sweater from Killian and laid it across her lap like a blanket. Killian took her hand again when Whale made him stick his injured arm out in front of him.

"You're doing great," Emma whispered, leaning in to his ear. Dr. Whale was poking and prodding Kilian's arm, measuring the length, the circumference, the diameter of the stump. All the while Killian didn't flinch, acting like he was made of stone. Allowing someone to touch the stump, something he rarely let even Emma do, was taking a lot out of him. Emma gave his back a rub, reaching behind him awkwardly with her free hand.

"Are you okay?" Killian asked, ripping his focus from the doctor and looking at her with concerned eyes. It was obvious he knew that his words had caused her panic.

"Yeah, sorry. I got lost there for a minute."

"I'm glad you found your way back." He gave her a quick kiss. These sweet words didn't scare her as much. She gave him a real smile which Killian returned with a relieved sigh.

"Me too."

Dr. Whale coughed again to return the attention to him. "Well you've healed up rather nicely, Killian," the doctor confirmed, scribbling away on a clipboard. "I think you'll be able to regain a lot with your prosthetics and because of the injury and the condition of the stump we should be able to get you set up with your choice of what will best suit you."

That was good news. Emma had done some research the previous night so she'd be prepared. Emma had read up on a couple options she thought would fit Kilian's life well and it was reassuring to hear he would be able to have what he wanted, not just what fit. For Killian practical use would be a big thing. He hated not being able to do things, like holding a plate and serving himself at the same time. Emma desperately wanted him to be able to feel capable again.

Dr. Whale turned to his cupboard and pulled out a box marked_ HANDS_ as if he were Dr. Frankenstein looking to assemble a human. Whale set it down on his chair and pulled it open. Inside were multiple models of prosthesis, ranging from large full arm ones to small child sized hands, metal to plastic. Whale pulled out a large black one with strapping, handing it to Killian. Where the hand was, was a hook made of two pieces of springy metal, attached to a cord that ran up the plastic forearm casing.

"I think this is your best bet for daily use," Whale said, gesturing to the prosthetic. "It's called a body powered prosthesis. It's rugged so you don't have to worry so much about breaking it, won't melt if you try to cook with it on, you can see what you're holding in it much better than a plastic prosthetic and the two hooks at the end move so you can grasp and carry things. The two harnesses go over both shoulders and your movements, either arm or pectoral will allow the hooks to move. As someone who's spent as much time as you have in the Special Forces I can't imagine you wanting a stationary hand. What do you think?"

Killian examined the prosthetic in his hand, releasing his grip on Emma so he could run his fingers over the thick black plastic of the arm guard. Killian gave the metal chord a tug and the hooks opened and then shut again when he released the tension. Next Killian started to play with the harnesses. Emma could tell he was debating the visibility of it but in her opinion he could just put it on under his shirt if he wanted to hide it.

"What do you think, Swan?" Killian asked, instead of giving his own opinion. He looked at her, imploring her through his gaze that she tell him what to do. Emma took a deep breath, surveying the arm.

"Can he try it on?" Emma asked, lifting the prosthesis from Killian's lap.

Whale nodded. "It won't fit properly but it will give you an idea of how it works. The harness is one you can get into by yourself once you've practiced but for now, maybe you'd like to help, Emma? So you see how it works too?"

Emma looked towards Killian for permission. It seemed like an awfully big invasion on his personal space. She didn't want him to think he was incapable. Killian chewed on his lip for a moment before nodding. Killian slid his arm into the guard, one half of the harness going over his injured arm's shoulder. It took the two of them a few tries to twist his other arm into the strapping. It was a bit too small for Killian's toned and broad shoulders but eventually with a final grunted curse Killian slid his arm into place.

"Okay, good. Now why don't you move around a bit?" Whale suggested, stepping out of the way.

Killian slid off the examining table. As his shoulder muscles bunched the pronged hooks opened slightly then snapped closed again. Emma smiled, seeing all the possibilities that hand could give him. Killian held his arm out in front of him and the hooks opened again under the new tension. A smile started to break out on his own face. By moving his other shoulder the hook opened even wider. He moved around the office, getting the hooks to open and close, adjusting the hem of his t-shirt with it, grasping the door handle. He moved clumsily, not quiet with the smoothness Emma had seen in videos during her research the previous night but Killian seemed happy. He moved back to Emma, standing in front of her.

Killian stretched his prosthetic hand out towards her. Emma sat completely still, waiting to see what he was going to do. Chewing on his lip in concentration he got the hooks to open and then quickly close on a lock of her hair that had come loose from her pony tail. The look of sheer disbelief on his face stopped Emma from flinching as the strands got caught in the metal and tugged against her scalp.

"Of course when it fits it will move better," Whale said from behind them.

Killian didn't turn back to the doctor, still twisting his prosthesis, watching the way the golden hair caught the light. "I like this one," he murmured. Emma nodded. She liked the expression on his face. Emma really didn't care what the prosthetic looked like so long as it kept that smile in place.

It took Killian a few awkward movements to open the hook without poking her face and release her hair. Once he'd sat back down Emma helped him pull the prosthesis off. He gave it back to Whale who traded him for a realistic looking hand.

"Your insurance is going to cover two hands. I figured you'd want to see a realistic one as well. It's a good option if you ever want a hand for special occasions. This one won't be very functional for heavy duty work because it is plastic and fairly unmovable." Killian fingered this one, manipulating the joints of the hand to their max and back. This prosthesis was smaller, would only cover a few inches up from his stump. He slipped in on over his pressure bandage, holding both arms out in front of him to compare. It had nails and knuckle marks carved into it; not bad at all. Killian didn't seem as pleased with the stationary prosthesis but he wasn't yanking it off and throwing it at the doctor so Emma considered that a success.

Once again he looked at Emma. She shrugged. "If you get two one like this would make sense, right?"

"Does it make you uncomfortable?" Killian asked quietly. "I mean, I guess the other one probably would have been weirder for you. I mean you might as well call me Captain Hook with that."

Emma snorted at that. "I really don't mind what you wear. I want you to be happy."

"So if we ever need to go to a special occasion you won't care if that poked out from under my uniform or a suit?" Emma tried not to dwell on what special occasions could get him into a suit, especially one that had her standing at the end of an aisle._ Nope. Way too early for that._

"You don't have to wear a hand and I'll still go out with you."

"That's comforting since I won't get one for a while," Killian replied, tone revealing more relief than could have been expected for the surface meaning. Emma was slightly shocked at the fear he was letting show. She was the one who should have been scared of Killian leaving, not the other way around.

Emma gave him a quick kiss before motioning for the doctor who was waiting for Killian to give the hand back. Killian slid it off his arm and handed it over. Once the prosthesis had been put away and the box placed back on the shelf Whale took some pictures of Killian's arm so they could colour match it when making his own hand and did some final measurements.

"It will take us eight to ten days to complete the order," Dr. Whale said once all the administrative things had been done. "I'll see you then. Keep the pressure bandage on please. We need to keep the stump in that shape so the prosthetics will fit. Any questions?"

Killian shook his head. "No. Thank you for your time." Killian stood and Emma followed.

While Killian seemed fine with the prosthesis fitting once it had started he visibly lightened when they'd left the hospital all together. Emma took his hand again but this time it wasn't the vice grip of before.

"Thanks for coming with me," Killian said, voice thick as they got into the Bug. She smiled in return. Killian leaned over the console, brushing his lips against her own. "I couldn't have done it without you." This time the kiss Emma got from Killian wasn't quick.

"You could have. But I'm glad you want me around."

"Always," Killian answered softly between kissed. "Until the end of the world or time."


	21. Anger

_A/N:_ Sorry for the delay. This may have been the hardest chapter I've had to write for any of my AUs because I just didn't know how to continue. Everything I tried seemed boring. But this inspiration struck as I was writing and I'm pleased with how it turned out. I know this chapter may seem harsh but remember, Killian still has a lot of issues of his own to deal with and that this is a set up for the final section of this story (hence the short length). I hope you guys like it and that you can kind of see where I'm trying to go with Killian for the next few chapters. I've got ideas now for the rest so it should come quicker. Let me know what you think. Thanks for all your support, favourites, follows, views, and reviews! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

It was as if Killian was a different person then the one Emma had picked up before the appointment. "Are you hungry, love?" he asked as they drove out of the hospital parking lot. There was an energy radiating off Killian, as if he were bouncing to do something, like a kid waiting to be let loose in a toy shop. If this was how he was reacting after his prosthesis fitting, Emma couldn't imagine how he'd be once he had the new hands.

"Oh, so now you're hungry?" Emma asked with a good natured laugh. She knew he would be, it was just entertaining to have her predictions confirmed. Killian shrugged with his own chuckle in response. "How does Granny's sound? I've got a surprise for you I thought we could look at there."

Killian raised a brow, Emma catching the movement out of the corner of her eye as she merged onto the highway to go to her neighbourhood. "And what would that be?" He made it sound dirty, as if he were waiting for her to inform him she was wearing crotch-less panties. Emma rolled her eyes.

"Open the glove compartment."

Killian did as instructed, flipping it open with his deft fingers then pulling out the file folder. A flick of the cover revealed the contents. Emma tried to focus on driving and not on Tom or having the info now to face him as Killian read.

"Why are we going to Granny's? We should be going after Tom," Killian insisted, breaking the silence and looking over at her.

Emma glanced over, shaking her head at the determined look on Killian's face. "Not tonight. We can't go in without a plan. If we get close but don't get Tom it's over. The man's cocky but he's not that stupid." Emma couldn't let Tom get away. She couldn't take any undue risks just so they could feel like they were doing things. This wasn't just a paycheck. This was justice. Tom might have only been one bad foster care home she'd been placed in but it was something. And it wasn't just for her. Emma could still remember the little seven year old boy who'd been placed there too, crying on the yard when they arrived because anything sellable had been cleaned out, including his two treasured toys. Emma hadn't had anything worth selling and it had been the first time she'd been actually glad she had nothing. The older boy, a fifteen year old prone to anger had stayed true to his behaviours and kicked down the mailbox. The scene they'd all caused in the yard had resulted in a neighbour calling the police and a subsequent ride in a squad car. Watching Tom get thrown behind bars was a closure she needed and one she owed all the kids who'd been taken advantage of by the man, even if she didn't know who they were anymore.

"But we need to go get him now. What if he leaves?" Killian's fingers pulled at the papers in the file, ripping the corner of one.

"He won't." Emma's hands tightened on the wheel. Why wouldn't he listen to Emma? She'd been doing this for years and hell, she lived with the wanted man for weeks. Emma knew how to be a bail bonds person and how to be a good one.

"Emma."

"Killian."

"Why don't you want to go after him?" Killian snapped, slapping the cover of the file folder over. Emma jumped at the harsh action. Why was Killian getting mad? Emma couldn't understand the fierceness starting to crack through his tone.

"Why are you being like this? I never said I wasn't going to, I just said not this minute." They arrived at Granny's, Emma quickly pulling into a spot. Neither moved from the car though, each caught in this quickly escalating situation that Emma couldn't figure out.

"But we can go now. Don't you want to feel useful?"

_"What?"_ Emma asked, taken aback. Her hands were starting to shake, her mind fighting to remember that the man starting to yell was Killian, not Neal. She tightened her fingers around the wheel, desperate not to show weakness. What did he mean feel useful? She'd been working this morning with Graham and taken time off to take him to his appointment. Emma had never had a problem feeling useful, she'd made her way in the world all on her own. Her problems were in feeling wanted, and Killian's tone was not helping dispel the negative thoughts that lifelong desire caused.

"We're at a diner not out hunting this criminal. We could go, he wouldn't be able to fight off the two of us. And yet you say no. It's as if you don't want to take him in." Killian had fallen fully into anger now. But it wasn't pure ire; there was something under the surface colouring the anger- frustration maybe? Emma had lost control of everything now and her mind wouldn't cooperate long enough for her to figure out what was bubbling beneath the surface. Her hands could barely grip the wheel and she could feel the flashbacks starting, clawing at the back of her mind.

"Stop, Killian. Why are you saying this?" Emma's voice shook and she had to bite down on her cheek to stop it from cracking. If she showed weakness the sharks circling would pounce. She'd learned that over and over. Hell, she'd had that lesson reinforced time and time again from Tom.

"You know this guy runs," Killian continued on, lost in himself, not answering Emma's question. "Hell, he was one of the many who left you."

That callous tone was it._ "Out,"_ Emma shouted, slapping the top of the wheel for emphasis.

Killian shook his head a little and gave a small noise, as if he was just realizing Emma was beside him, that he'd said all those things aloud. "Emma, wait-"

"Out," her voice was a screech, grating against her ears, but she needed to be alone. Killian had promised to be there for her and yet he'd gone off on her. It was just like Neal all over again. This was why she could never squash her issues- because they were never wrong. "Now. I try my best and you treat me like this. You bring up my abandonment issues like they're nothing? Get out of my fucking car."

Killian looked like he wanted to say something but stopped, figuring it wouldn't help now. Slowly he set down the file and got out, standing on the curb. Emma couldn't even find it in herself to care that they weren't at his place or that he'd need to call someone to come get him. The car door hadn't even shut before Emma was driving away, desperate for him not to see the tears starting their way down her cheeks. She didn't look back to see if he was watching her, not that she could have seen through the water pouring from her traitor eyes anyways.

Emma pulled around the corner and into an alley, her hands shaking so much she could barely turn. But her car was hidden if Killian was still on the sidewalk. The last thing she wanted was Killian knocking on her window like that first day she'd made a run for it after being yelled at. She'd been stupid then for letting him in. She'd sure as hell learned her lesson now.

With fumbling fingers Emma pulled out her cell phone and hit the number one speed dial. The call picked up on the second ring, her friend's soft voice settling her pounding heart enough that she could speak.

"Elsa, I need you."


	22. Caught in the Storm

_A/N:_ Another short chapter but I hope you like it and it feels genuine. My life's about to get busy again so I can't guarantee when the next update will be but know I have a plan for how this is going to end and I will get through it- hopefully in about 5 chapters. Thanks for all the support- we just passed 200 followers and that means the world to me and your reviews are so lovely and thoughtful. They really make my day. Let me know what you think of this one! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Elsa arrived faster than Emma could have ever expected considering she lived closer to the health center than Emma's suburb and was usually a half hour drive away. But Emma shouldn't have been surprised. Elsa was trained in counselling and had spent years with Emma, learning her tells and breaks and oh,_ hell_, was Emma feeling broken now.

Emma waited in her car in the alley, unable to drive, until Elsa arrived. She was assaulted by her flashbacks, caught in the storm Neal had left her with. Why was she always finding herself trapped in the shit storm of life, finding herself letting in only those who hurt her? Emma battled with anger at herself, fear at those who surrounded her posing danger and absolute desperation to just give up trying. Every time she did things broke. Did she have any judge of character left? Or was the really that fucked up?

Emma was startled by a hard knock on the car window, just loud enough to be heard above her sobs. Elsa stood there, blue eyes taking in Emma hunched over in her seat, waiting patiently until Emma was ready to include another in her space. Emma unlocked the door when Elsa motioned her to after a few minutes and watched through cloudy eyes as her friend opened the door then kneeled beside her.

_"Oh, Emma,"_ she gasped softly. "What happened?"

"Killian," Emma blubbered, voice cracking on the name. "He yelled at me about not wanting to take in Tom and about being useless and how I've been abandoned by so many men so I kicked him out of my car."

"What? Why did he say those things?" Elsa's eyes widened in absolutely shock before softening as she moved towards Emma, taking her hand and squeezing.

"I told him we needed a plan before going after Tom and it set him off because he wanted to go right away."

"Oh." It was as if Elsa understood something Emma didn't. Not that Emma cared why Killian had yelled. What mattered was that he did.

"It came out of nowhere," Emma continued, the words spilling forth. "We were having a good day. I thought it would be nice to go for lunch to celebrate his prosthetic fitting. As soon as he got the support he needed from me he turned on me. I was just being used and was too caught up to see it. I'm so dumb," Emma shouted, banging her head against the wheel. The horn went off, startling her backwards. Elsa placed a soothing hand on her shoulder.

"Well I'm not sure that's the truth," she murmured. "But how about we go to your place and we can figure this all out late once we get you feeling in control again. Okay?"

Emma nodded, rubbing at the sore spot on her forehead from where it hit the wheel. She shifted across the center console so Elsa could slide into the driver's seat. Emma didn't say anything else as Elsa took her home. What else was there to say? Emma had been duped, opened her heart to a man who wanted nothing more than for her to make him feel better about himself. She'd been dumb and learned her lesson. It was a painful lesson but_ fool me twice-_ No, Emma wasn't ever going to let a man in again.

They were back at Emma's house before she realized. Emma couldn't even remember if they'd driven past Granny's to get there and for that she was glad. She was pretty sure she'd shatter irreparably if she saw Killian still standing on the curb. Or maybe he would have been gone- that might have been worse. Had he gone into Granny's and continued on with lunch as if Emma had never existed? Yeah, that would have been worse.

Elsa let them into the dark apartment with her own key, Emma going straight to her bedroom. When she got there all she could remember was the feeling of Killian laying with her in that bed. Anger welled up in her, finally winning out over the other emotions just like it had when she'd torn the piece of wood from the desk in Elsa's classroom. Emma grabbed the pillows off the bed and started throwing them. After that came the sheets, balls of them hitting the wall. The drawers were pulled off their runners and clothes ripped from their hangers in the closet. After her bedroom was a complete mess she fell to the floor in a pile on her comforter and let herself once again cry.

Elsa slipped into the chaotic room, settling slightly behind Emma. "It's alright," Elsa said, voice wavering between clinical therapist and upset best friend. "We can work through this."

"Yeah, I can forget about the bastard," Emma bit back, gasping for breath to steady her voice.

"Well that's one option," Elsa returned diplomatically. "But I think there are better ones. I know you don't want to think about it but Killian isn't Neal and I think there is more to this story-"

"You're right, I don't want to think about it," Emma interrupted. She knew she was being rude and that Elsa didn't deserve it but today she couldn't stop. Today it was just like those first days at art therapy where Elsa put up with so much of Emma's shit that she was surprised her friend didn't just quit her job. But Elsa was used to pushing people away herself so she knew this was a defense mechanism.

A banging on the door stopped Elsa from having to reply. Rent wasn't due so there was no way it was her landlord. There was only one person who could have been standing at her door._ No._ Emma shot Elsa a terrified look. It was Neal coming back to her jail cell all over again. Killian was going to laugh at her foolishness if she opened the door.

"Swan?" Killian shouted through the door. "Emma, I know you're in there. I need to explain." Just like Neal had come to explain she was the last loose end. Emma started to shake.

Elsa rose from her place with the grace and presence of an ice queen and strode out of the room. Despite herself Emma strained to hear what Elsa was doing. A light metal scratching signaled Elsa attaching the lock chain before opening the door the crack the lock allowed.

"Killian, you need to leave," Elsa stated calmly.

"Elsa, please. I need to explain." It sounded like Killian was utterly devastated but that must have been Emma's addled mind conjuring things to make herself feel better.

"This is a really bad time, Killian." Elsa's tone never wavered though so Emma must have been wrong. Surely Elsa didn't like Emma enough that she wouldn't show any compassion for Killian when he was her client? Emma wasn't that important to anyone.

"It's all been a horrible mistake and it's my fault."

"You need to leave. You aren't helping Emma by shouting through the door. Do you know how terrifying that is for her?"

There was a long sigh from Killian. Emma could picture him scratching the back of his ear but she quickly pushed the image away. "Alright fine. Can you tell her I'm sorry and I'll find a way to make this better? This wasn't about her."

After a moment Elsa answered. "Okay, I'll pass that along. Good bye Killian." The door shut and the deadlock slid into place with a resounding click. The finality of the sound terrified Emma a bit, not that she was willing to admit that aloud. Admitting it meant she was still weak enough to hope Killian would make everything better. Emma couldn't be weak anymore.

Elsa came back into the room and sat next to Emma. "I take it you heard all that?"

Emma nodded, rubbing the heels of her hands over her eyes, brushing away the wetness with a bruising force. Elsa reached over and grabbed Emma's hands, pulling them down into her own lap. "It doesn't make it feel any better."

"I know, Ems. I also think that Killian was telling the truth when he said this was about him and not you but we don't have to figure that out now."

Emma chewed on the inside of her cheek, unwilling to let herself be convinced that Killian didn't use her simply from a two minute conversation at her locked door. It was going to take a whole lot more to convince her. Killian had once told her he'd always try and that he'd fight for her honour. Part of Emma wanted to believe that was an outright lie to get her to stay at his place and run interference with his friends but another part of her, a small, whispering part, wanted to believe that still held true and what Elsa said was right. That tiny part didn't want to lose Killian but with everything else swirling inside and pulling her apart, she didn't know how that would be possible.

Elsa stood again and started picking up the tangled sheets around the room, sensing Emma couldn't address everything right then. It had taken five years of Elsa's calm help to get Emma to where she had been that morning, before everything went to shit. Nothing was going to get fixed in an hour. "How about for now we get this room put to rights and you have a nap? You always feel better after a good sleep."

"It's not going to change anything," Emma answered, stubborn, afraid.

"Maybe."


	23. Being Capable

_A/N:_ Sorry for the delay. I hope you all like this one- I'm not sure how I feel about the writing but I like what happens. There was very little response to the last chapter (thanks so much to the three who did review! You guys made me feel so good about continuing!) so I hope you're all still around. Anyways, I hope you like this one and I think you'll definitely like the following. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Emma allowed herself two days. Two days to be the weak girl who allowed Killian Jones to break her. Two days to not be strong, to secretly give Killian the wish he wanted when he yelled at her. After two days Emma would somehow figure out how to bleach her brain of Killian Jones. Until then she submitted to feeling.

The first day she cried. Elsa laid on the bed with her, not touching but letting her know she was with her. Elsa wouldn't leave and she made sure Emma knew. She knew Emma well enough that Emma needed the reassurance of her proximity without overwhelming her. Liam showed up halfway through the day after Elsa had secretly called him. He brought Emma grilled cheese and onion rings from Granny's, a pint of Ben and Jerry's and the good Kleenex, the kind that Emma never thought herself fancy enough to buy. Emma wouldn't come out of her room when he showed up, angry at Elsa, but also jealous that she had someone who would come whenever she called. Liam had spoken to Emma through the bedroom door, not saying anything about his brother but wishing that she would feel better- obviously even he knew his brother was an asshole. That's the only reason he would say nice things to her, right? Emma didn't feel that she was good enough to deserve anything on her own merit from Killian's brother, especially with day old mascara running down her face, hair matted to her cheeks with tears and clothing she'd slept in. Despite her issues with his brother, Emma was glad Elsa had Liam. He was a good man. Elsa deserved good.

The second day she got angry. Just like when she first got into the house after the incident Emma screamed. Emma pounded her feet and fists against the mattress like a child, not wanting to break anything but needing to get out the aggression. Elsa patiently waited off to the side, watching Emma make an angry fool out of herself. Liam once again showed up, this time with Emma's favourite Chinese food, bear claws and fuzzy socks. Again Emma wouldn't let Liam into her room but she did thank him through the wood. She knew if she saw Liam's blue eyes her resolve would shatter and the pain of ending things with Killian would break through. Liam once again wished her well and told her that she could call him whenever, sliding his business card under the door. Liam stayed with Elsa for a while, talking quietly in the living room but Emma grabbed her headphones and blared music in her ears, scared she'd hear what Killian was doing. What if he was hurting too? What if he didn't care? Both scared her.

The third day Emma woke, dressed and calmly left her bedroom. Elsa was sitting on the sofa, nursing a coffee. She looked up, momentarily shocked that Emma was up and looking like a normal person no less. It was a total 180 from the day before, Emma now feeling a strange sort of detachment and a grim determination. She'd let herself sook for long enough. Emma had things to do.

"How are you feeling?" Elsa asked, eyes studying Emma.

"I'm going to catch Tom now." Emma's voice was neutral, almost monotone.

"Wait- what?" Elsa asked, eyebrows climbing as she immediately stood.

Emma had decided that morning that she needed to go get Tom. She couldn't wait any longer. Emma had lost Killian but she wasn't going to lose Tom. That man was going to jail and Emma was finally going to get some level of justice in her life. The anger that she'd felt the previous day had settled to a grim determination. She was done being kicked around. She was done being not good enough. Emma was going to get even. Yes, she'd lost her advantage of tricking Tom with Killian but Emma had lived a long time without Killian. She was going to take down Tom with brute force, just like she had with a hundred other perps.

"I took two days off. I'm leaving now. I'll call you when I'm done."

"Emma, wait. You're scaring me." Elsa's voice was nearing a tone of desperation, not that Emma could blame her.

"I'll be fine." Emma stepped away from Elsa's extending hand, staying out of reach and moving closer to the door.

"Let me call Liam. He can help, he is ex-navy too."

_"No,"_ Emma shouted, her voice hitting desperate and passing it by a mile. It grated against her ears, a shock after the emotionless tone she'd been using. Elsa startled backwards at the sound. She knew Elsa was making sense, that it would be good to have backup but it was too much like what she'd been planning with his brother. Emma needed to do this herself- prove that she wasn't some stupid, foolish girl. "I'll call Graham." Sure, Emma would call the cop but she had no intention of doing that before she had Tom handcuffed in the back of her Bug.

Elsa sighed. She'd seen the cold determination on Emma's face enough since their first meeting to know Emma would go whether Elsa wanted her to or not. It was best not to burn bridges with Emma. And Emma would come back. She always did. Just hopefully it would be in one piece this time. "I'll wait here, okay? And call me if you need anything- I'll send Liam."

"I'll be fine," Emma reassured Elsa. And herself- but Emma wouldn't admit she needed it.

Emma grabbed her car keys and left before Elsa could say something in return. She practically ran out the door, only stopping to think once she'd gotten in the Bug, flipped on her GPS and was on the way to the casino Tom was frequenting.

She needed to get herself together. As she drove she clawed for a plan. There was no way she could get Tom out of the casino before arresting him. It was going to have to be in public. It was going to get ugly knowing her luck. She'd have to handcuff him to a chair and hope that he had no friends around to beat the snot out of her. Emma sighed as she pulling into a parking spot across the street from the last place Tom had been recorded as visiting. Emma pulled out her cell phone, leaning back in her seat.

Graham picked up on the second ring. "Officer Humbert."

"Graham, its Emma. I need a hand."

"Where are you Emma?" Graham's immediate reaction took Emma aback. Did she really sound so bad that everyone immediately panicked? It wasn't like she was going to her death.

"I'm in front of that casino you told me about. I'm going after Tom. I need you to come pick him up once I get him."

"Emma, no. We've just gotten reports last night that Tom was involved with an assault and mugging. He's getting more violent now that he's been forced from his normal circle. Wait for me to get there before you go in."

"I'm taking him down myself. If he gets me, well that's more evidence to put him away for good." Emma had hung up the phone, grabbed her handcuffs and keys before she realized what she said. Her phone buzzed furiously, probably Graham calling back to convince her not to be so stupid. She shut the car door before she was tempted to pick up the phone again.

Quickly Emma crossed the road, running to lean against the side of the brick casino. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her nerves. Emma was used to dangerous situations but this was stupid. Tom had already attacked her and others. Emma had promised Elsa that she would be fine but she was beginning to doubt that. But at least if something bad happened to her Graham would be able to arrest Tom and Emma's life would end with a meaning, with her being a hero for all those foster kids like her who'd felt Tom's rage.

Just as Emma pushed off the wall a hand grabbed her arm, pulling her back. Emma spun immediately, ready for it to be Tom and to put up a fight. She threw her weight against the person, pushing them back around the corner of the casino and tripping them.

"Emma!" the accented voice made her immediately freeze. Killian was laying on the ground, beanie pulled down over hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in days and wearing a shocked expression. There were dark circles under his eyes, deeper and darker than Emma's own which looked like bruises. No two ways about it- Killian looked bad. Emma's stomach clenched but she pushed through, calling up her anger.

"What are you doing here?" she gritted out, stepping back immediately when Killian stood. She couldn't' let him touch her.

"I'm here to help. I promised you I'd help you bring Tom in. I've been here every day since I was so awful." And he hadn't gone in? Didn't he know he could steal the bust from Emma? How much Tom was worth?

"You think you can just show up after you yelled at me?" Her anger kept her from dwelling on the confusing thoughts.

"Emma, it wasn't what it seemed." That's what Elsa had said. Emma could detect no lie. If it wasn't then what was it?_ No. Anger. Be angry, Emma._

"I don't want your help."

"Swan, please. I'm sorry. Don't do this alone." Killian paused, drawing in a large breath as if he were trying to steel his strength for battle. "I can't stand by and let the woman I love get hurt."

Emma took a step back, the force of his confession pushing her back._ Love?_ No. Killian didn't love her. This was Killian trying to prey on her. No man had ever, could ever, love her. Neal had proved that and then Killian had confirmed it when he shouted. Right? Well, there was one way to find out.

"If you love me you'll leave." Killian opened his mouth to argue but Emma held up her hand. "If you love me," she repeated more firmly. "You'll know I need to do this alone. If you love me you'll leave. Now."

Killian hesitated for a moment, looking torn. Emma kept her face neutral._ If he loved her he would leave._ Emma kept repeating that to herself because she deep down she didn't want him to leave. She wanted his help and his comfort when she faced Tom. But wants and needs were two very different things. After a long moment Killian turned and disappeared into the alley._ Killian was actually leaving._ Emma waited, fighting tears as Killian's black truck pulled up beside her. The window rolled down.

"Be careful, love. I won't be able to live with myself if you get hurt by me granting your wish. I need to talk to you. Explain everything. Tell you properly how I feel about you, Swan." Emma didn't say anything, trying to swallow around the lump in her throat without Killian noticing. She looked down at her feet, unwilling to look into those ocean deep eyes because she knew they would once again break her. Killian sighed, whispering something that sounded like a prayer, before putting the truck in gear again. She waited until Killian had driven up the road before going into the casino. Action would allow her not to focus on Killian potentially_ loving_ her.

The casino was quiet and a bit dirty. There was a distinct smell of cigarettes and cheap rum despite the heavy air freshener pumping out the vents. People milled around the slot machines but no one was playing at the card tables. It was obvious why Tom had chosen this casino to gamble. Unpopular, cheap buy-ins and under the radar.

Emma stood off to the side, watching the casino in front of her. The lack of crowd and workers was good- less people to react. She searched the faces, looking for the one that would churn her stomach. Her stomach dropped when she spotted Tom, towards the corner, pulling at the lever on the slot machine he sat in front of. Tom's back was to her. Emma straightened her shoulders and started towards her mark.

The fear swirled within her, bringing back images of him kicking and hurting her in the parking lot, of him hitting her foster brother after he left a ball on the floor and Tom tripped, of the empty house and the resigned disappointment that one more person, horrible or not, had left her. It made her wish she'd waited for Graham, let Elsa call Liam, allowed Killian to help._ Killian._ Her heart caught in its beat, making her draw in a quick breath to steady her emotions. No, just like Emma didn't need help when Tom had left her, she sure as hell didn't need help to bring her old foster parent's sorry ass to jail.

When she was a few feet away from Tom she paused, weighing her options. No one around looked like they would be associated with Tom, just an older lady and a man with his shoulders hunched up who looked like he very much did not want to be bothered. The casino had no security officers to interfere, at least not nearby. If there were some Emma would already have Tom handcuffed before they got to her and Graham would be there in a few minutes. It would be safe to catch Tom right there then.

Emma reached for the handcuffs in her pocket. Slowly she pulled them out, watching as Tom pulled the lever again. The screen in front of him dinged, causing him to jump and hoot quietly. When his arm flew up Emma darted forward, snapping the cuff around the wrist and the other end to the chair Tom sat on.

Tom whirled, face going immediately red, when he registered what was around his wrist. Emma stood back far enough so he couldn't touch her, crossing her hands over her chest. The two people who'd also been at the slots ran, getting out of the way in case Emma was an actual cop. She wasn't going to correct them.

"Hello, Tom. Ready to go to jail?" she asked, unable to keep a smugness from her voice. Yes, Emma needed no one. Any fear she'd felt before disappeared. Killian and Graham had worried because they thought she was incapable but Emma was nothing less than good at her job.

"You, bitch," Tom snarled, yanking at his wrist. The chair he was chained to moved a bit but it looked too heavy for someone of Tom's age to budge.

"I go by Emma, thanks." She knew she was taunting him but the angry child in her couldn't help it. The man who'd run from her and the responsibilities associated with her, was now chained up with Emma's own handcuffs.

Tom's reply was cut off by a loud police siren._ Graham._ Tom's eyes changed immediately, going from surprised and angry to irate rage. She'd never seen that level of anger from him before. It made the fear spark in Emma again but she didn't move away. Tom was chained and Graham was just outside. No, Emma was capable of dealing with this. She didn't need anyone.

Before Emma could react Tom picked up the heavy chair and threw it against her. It knocked Emma down, the wood biting into her skin as the slats in the back came to pieces against her. Her head bounced against the dirty carpet, making her vision go momentarily black. When it cleared again Tom was leaning over her.

_"You god damn bitch,"_ he screamed. It felt like Emma's ear drums were breaking at the sound. A flash of metal glinted in Tom's hand which had come free when the chair broke against Emma's chest._ A knife._ "You're going to pay." There was a commotion at the door as Graham and his squad burst into the casino. Emma struggled to sit up but Tom jumped down on her, forcing her back. "If I'm going down, you are too." There was no hint of a lie in his words.

"Tom, stop! You are under arrest!" Graham's authoritative voice rang out. Emma wanted to turn to the sound of running feet and watch Graham arrest Tom but she couldn't take her eyes off the knife that was being lowered to her chest. _ At least you can die a hero._

"Hope you don't have anyone at home who loves you, girly," Tom gritted out before lowering the knife to her skin. Emma screamed as the metal bit into her skin._ Elsa. Killian. Her promise. Those people loved her and she was too damn stubborn to listen._ The knife was dragged down her chest, cutting through her t-shirt fabric. Wetness ran down her side as the knife moved, slicing a quick and deep path from shoulder to sternum, across one breast. Gunshots rang out and Tom fell backwards, clutching at his own shoulder.

Emma fought to focus on her surroundings. Her body was aching, both from the blow to the chest with the chair and the bleeding wound. She tried to turn her head and find Graham but the movement pulled at the cut, causing her to scream again. Graham kneeled beside her immediately.

"Don't move, Emma. I've called an ambulance." Graham ripped off his coat, using that to press down on the long wound. Emma tried not to shout in his face. Though, if she'd let herself she probably couldn't anyways. She was having trouble getting air in.

"I hope I gave you enough evidence."

Graham laughed despite the worry creasing his face. "Yeah, Emma. You did it. He's going to jail for good."

A relieved breath whooshed out of her chest and the world faded to black.


	24. Every Word

_A/N:_ The response from the last chapter was amazing! I'm so blown away and touched! It was that response that pushed me to write this so fast. So I hope you all like it. There's a bit from the last chapter at the start because I realized my document had cut off the last few words when I initially put it up so it's now been edited but this is how the last chapter should have ended for those who read it right away. So thank you for all your support, it means the world to me. The favourites, follows, views and reviews are amazing. Let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

_"I hope I gave you enough evidence."_

_Graham laughed despite the worry creasing his face. "Yeah, Emma. You did it. He's going to jail for good."_

_A relieved breath whooshed out of her chest and Emma let the world fade to black._

Emma didn't even feel pain at first when she came to, a heart rate monitor beeping off to the side. She just felt an overwhelming stupidity. She'd fucked up. Everything had been wrong from the start. Emma knew not to rush into situations with perps when she was so rash. Emma should have listened to Graham when he said he was escalating. Emma shouldn't have taunted Tom. But most of all Emma shouldn't have been such an asshole to Killian._ If you love me you'll leave._

Love._ Love._ That stupid man had waited outside a disgusting casino to help her and apologize. He'd told her he loved her. And that terrified her so she hadn't given Killian a second before pulling out the worst thing she could think of- manipulation. And he'd gone through with it. He'd left her. Because he loved her. Emma had thought letting him in, letting him help made her weak. But without him- she'd nearly gotten herself killed. What if love didn't make her weak? What if it made her strong? The fear surrounding it certainly made her stupid.

In her frustration Emma slammed her head back against the pillow. The stupidity faded away to absolute pain. She cursed out a scream.

"Well that was conducive, wasn't it?" Elsa's Ice Queen voice came from the side._ Ugh._ Emma thought she might get a few minutes before being reminded of her deep seated issues. Emma opened on eye, glaring over at Elsa. Elsa wore a hoodie that was far too big for her with _US NAVY_ written across it, arms crossed, lips pursed and eyebrow raised. That was not a look Emma had seen in a very long time.

"Now, Elsa. Give her a minute." This was a deeper voice. Liam leaned against the wall behind Elsa. Well that explained where Elsa had come by the hoodie. He looked weary but a bit bemused at his girlfriend's snark.

"No. She doesn't get a minute. We've all been giving her minutes and she got two broken ribs and forty eight stitches out of it. And what about us? Standing around in the waiting room with no information for eight fucking hours because she hasn't ever thought she was worth it enough to believe I actually wanted to be her emergency contact? The only reason we knew she was here was because Graham had gotten there in time and rode in the ambulance with her. And what about your brother?" Elsa broke off, too angry to say anything on the one person Emma had hurt the most. Elsa took a deep breath and spoke again in a softer voice. "Emma, do you know how many lives you've impacted because we're all too stubborn to leave you? We're not going to leave you but you seem hell bent to get us to."

"I promise we won't, lass," Liam added softly, voice sounding too much like his brother's.

Emma shut her eyes, willing herself not to cry. They had waited, even though she'd blatantly disregarded her safety and what they wanted for her. Eight hours with no news and then another indeterminate time in the room with her. Elsa and Liam had waited. Emma owed Liam nothing yet here he was, speaking to her in that gentle lilt. These people actually loved her enough to stay when she gave them no reason to. One time Emma had been hospitalized for her appendix in the system the foster parents hadn't stayed. They'd taken her to the emergency room, gotten her in surgery and when Emma had woken, in pain and groggy, she'd been met with a social worker, letting her know she'd been rehomed. It was the main reason she always went to Elsa's office and not the hospital when she'd get hurt by perps. There was always that fear that Elsa would come to her senses and leave Emma in the emergency room again. But not this time. This time her friends- no her_ family_\- stayed. Emma had wondered back at the casino if love made her weak but it didn't. Laying here with Elsa and Liam beside her she felt comforted, like the demons inside were being quieted.

"Emma, we're here." Elsa laid a soft hand on her own.

"I messed up," Emma whispered. Elsa gave her hand a slight squeeze to show she'd heard.

"Yeah, you did. But it isn't unfixable."

"I don't know how to fix it."

"Stop running. Let us in. We forgive you- because that's what this family does."

"Killian hasn't. Not when I was so horrible to him. I know he isn't here." It was hard for Emma to keep the devastation from her voice. Not that she deserved Killian to come back.

"Killian's here," Liam piped up. Emma couldn't help but whip her head around the room, eyes springing open, trying to see the familiar mop of black hair. She groaned as pain raced up her neck. "Not in this room," Liam amended sheepishly. Elsa rolled her eyes at the man. "He's not come in yet. Didn't know if you wanted him to. Killian's been in the waiting room since we got the call. He'd still be there but he had to go pick up one of his prosthesis upstairs."

"How is he?" Emma asked quietly, afraid to hear the damage she'd once again done to a good soul. Yes, Killian had yelled at her but there was more to it. But Emma hadn't wanted to hear that then. She owed it to Killian- and herself- to hear it now.

"I think you need to talk to him yourself. I'll text him and tell him to come by, alright?"

Emma nodded, not trusting her voice. She didn't want Liam to hear her fear. Or let herself hear the tentative excitement brewing in her. What if Killian still stood by what he'd said? What if she hadn't made him hate her? But what if she had? The heart rate monitor started beating erratically.

Elsa gave her hand another squeeze. "It's okay, Emma. You can get through this."

"Says you," Emma murmured.

"Yeah, says me and my college degree."

"Show off," Emma retorted but it was in a lighter tone than before.

"Emma, we all love and care for you so very deeply. Please don't worry. There's no reason to. You're safe. Let us in and let us stay in. Okay?"

"I'll try," Emma whispered.

"That's all we ask, lass," Liam replied, glancing down at his phone when it buzzed. Emma's heart monitor went up again. Liam chuckled good naturedly. "Killian's not going to come here and get upset. Lass, my little brother just wants to see you okay."

"Your younger brother can speak for himself." Emma's head whipped around again and she groaned as the stitches pulled at her skin.

Killian stood at the door, face creased with worry. Any amusement that might have been there when he spoke was gone. Killian was still wearing the clothing he was the previous day, even more rumpled looking than when he'd pulled her to the side outside the casino. The only thing different about him was his prosthesis. His body powered prosthesis was now attached to his arm as it hung unnaturally at his side, forgotten but not familiar. There was no way he had slept. It looked like only the worry was keeping him upright.

"I think Liam and I will go to the cafeteria and get some caffeine. I'll bring you guys back something, okay?"

Neither Killian nor Emma said anything. They were just staring at each other. The beeping was growing increasingly fast. Elsa didn't miss that, quickly sweeping up and out of the room, towing Liam behind her. Killian continued to stand at the doorway, moving only to let his brother and Elsa through. Liam clapped Killian's shoulder, causing him to jump, before the couple went down the hall.

Killian stayed at the door looking very unsure of himself. Emma's heart broke because she had done that. She drew in a deep breath. She needed to try and fix this._ Come on, Swan. Get it together._

"You can come in if you'd like," she said, her voice quiet. Killian heard, immediately striding in and settling in the chair Elsa had vacated. About a foot of space remained between them, but it might as well been a mile, bridged only by enough tension to flatten Emma further into the mattress.

"Swan-"

"I'm-"

The jumble of awkward speech caused them to stop again. Emma shut her eyes and whooshed out a breath, making a small squeak of pain. She moved her hand up slowly, still not opening her eyes, and laid a hand softly on the heavy bandages, running her fingers up the length.

"How are you feeling?" Killian asked after a very long moment.

"Sore," Emma answered. "Tired."

"I imagine so, lass. They've drugged you up pretty heavily."

"You look pretty tired too," Emma answered, changing the subject. She didn't want to focus on the injuries she'd gotten because she was too stupid to let Killian in.

"I spent last night in a hard plastic chair."

The silence descended on them again, heavy and awkward. The reason why he'd spend the night away from his bed hung in the air._ Because you'd nearly gotten yourself killed._ After another long moment Emma found her voice.

"Why?"

There was a scraping as the chair Killian pulled it closer. Emma was tempted to reach out and find him. Hold him. "Open your eyes, Swan." Emma shook her head. "Why not?"

"Because, I don't want to see you hate me."

"I don't hate you, love."_ Love._ There it was. The heart monitor spiked again. Killian softened his voice when he spoke again. "Emma, please. I don't want to say what I want to say when I can't see your eyes. I won't hurt you."

"But I hurt you." And that was worse. Emma had been hurt countless times before but usually when she hurt people they left, not wanting anything from her ever again.

Killian sighed. Emma could picture Killian scratching the back of his ear. "Yes. But I'm still here. And I hurt you and you're still here. We're both strong people Emma. Please, open your eyes."

Emma took a deep breath before slowly opening her eyes. She stared at the ceiling for a few long moments before turning to Killian. He smiled when he saw her looking at him.

"There's a beautiful, lass. How are you feeling?"

"A mess," Emma answered. "I was so awful to you and pushed you away and yet here you are. I realized when I thought I was dying how stupid I was but even though I know that now I don't deserve you here. I didn't think I'd ever actually get to see you to apologize. Which, if you didn't know, I'm kind of terrible at."

"Yeah, that did cross my mind," Killian answered with a wry little smile. "But so am I. I mean, I did scream through your door."

"Yeah, that sucked," Emma replied with the same smile.

"Can I tell you why I yelled at you? Are you okay with that?"

_Are you okay with that?_ God, how many times could they keep dancing like this? Hurting and apologizing. Hurting and apologizing. Running and coming back. Running and coming back. Being scared of the past. Being scared of the future? It was all too much. And she was tired of it. And it all of it came back to not letting each other in until desperation kicked in. No, Emma needed to pull it together.

"Yeah."

Killian gave her a gentle smile. "I want to explain why I yelled at you. I'm very sorry I did that to you, lass. I just, well, it was right after I got fitted for this-" Killian held up his new prosthetic, turning it slightly before letting it fall again. "I just saw all this possibility that I could get my hand back to some degree and then you gave me the file that said we could go get Tom and those possibilities became real. Before the accident the Navy was my life. I was going to retire from it as an old man. I never once imagined losing my hand and being discharged. I've been terrified since that happened, trying to find something to do with my life and feel like I was useful. And then you said we needed to wait. And I felt that spur of life I'd felt after the appointment crumble away and I wanted to crawl back into my rum bottle and I snapped. I've never been as scared and feeling as out of control as I did right then. I should never have lashed out at you, lass. You didn't deserve it. It was my problem but I used your fear against you. I'm not asking for forgiveness but I do want you to know how sorry I am,"

"You're forgiven," Emma put in before Killian could go on and get to what she knew was coming. "I've done some pretty bad things too with us that I'm sorry for. I let my fear stop me from thinking that it might not be directed at me. And then I went back to being that girl who Neal left and I wouldn't listen to anyone. Not Elsa, not your brother, not you. It's how I ended up here. So I'm sorry too."

"You ended up here because I let you go," Killian answered, obviously upset now that she'd opened up the conversation to the casino.

"I made you go," Emma replied, quietly._ If you love me, you'll leave._

Silence descended on them again. The words left to be spoken were huge. Killian was fiddling with his prosthesis, pulling at the metal hook. It was obvious he was waiting, trying to figure out how to bring it up.

"Did you mean it?"

Killian glanced up at her. "Every word," he answered immediately.

The heart monitor spiked again._ Every word._ But that didn't answer everything.

"Do you_ still_ mean it?

_"Every word."_ Killian drew in a deep breath and reached forward, tentatively laying his fingers on Emma's. "I know you may be scared. I am too. But Emma, I realized when you drove away how much you meant to me. When I called Liam to come get me because you didn't come back I realized that those feelings were love. I realized that I am irreversibly, and unapologetically, in love with you Emma Swan. It broke my heart that I'd hurt you before I realized that. It's why I came right to your house. And why I kept sending Liam with food and things to your house while I waited at the casino. It was the only thing that kept me from losing my mind. And I don't know if you want to try again or if you want me to leave right now but I just have to tell you I love you, Swan."

Thoughts swirled around Emma's mind. The food, the ice cream, the fuzzy socks and Kleenex hadn't come from Elsa at all. It was all Killian. Everything. Killian had never meant to harm her. Killian had never hated her. And Emma had never hated Killian. The sadness, the rage, the pain, the emptiness- it had all been directed at herself for thinking she'd let in a horrible person. But today had made it clear; she had three people inside and they cared, they loved, they wanted to be with her. The lonely girl Emma had grown up as had never believed that possible. But it was. She couldn't let this go by being scared. She had to be honest.

"I'm not sure I can love right now after everything with Neal and my past and my fears. But I like you so very much Killian and if it's okay with you, I really want to learn to love you. I want to love you for the rest of my life. Can you give me the time to learn?"

"I've got all the time in the world." Emma flipped her hand over to lace their fingers together. Killian brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles.

"I'm going to really try."

"So am I."

Emma pulled her hand from Killian's and reached over, running her thumb across the dark circles under his eyes. "Climb up here. You need sleep or you're going to crash."

"I don't want to hurt you, Swan. If you haven't noticed you're currently held together with string and gauze."

"Then don't pull the string." Killian rolled his eyes. Emma shifted in the bed slowly, trying not to move anything faster than she should. Emma patted a space beside her large enough for Killian to lay on his side. "Come on. The doctors are going to want to poke and prod me and Graham is going to want to question me and I don't want to think about Tom yet. So can we sleep for a bit?" When Killian didn't move right away, still worried about hurting her, she reached her hand out. "I miss having you near so can you make an exception with your good form just once, Jones?"

"Just this once," he answered with a teasing tone. Killian shifted in his seat and maneuvered the prosthesis off, setting it on the floor then moved to the bed and laid down beside her. Emma let him get settled before pulling his stumped arm over her and sighing. They were quiet for a few moments, just the steady beeping of the monitor to break through the silence.

"Every word, Swan," Killian whispered, pressing a kiss against her forehead.

Killian fell asleep almost immediately. Emma didn't. Instead, she stayed awake, watching the face of the man who'd told her he loved her. The man who maybe, she was actually in love with too.


	25. One Door Opens

_A/N:_ Sorry for the delay. School has been so busy and I've been burnt right out during my spare time so didn't write. I've got maybe 4 chapters left of this story. I'm really excited to get it finished because I've got my next story planned out and I'm looking really forward letting you guys see it. It's a high school AU involving extreme musical talent, self harm and Granny. And for those waiting on Operation Albatross, it's coming. I just need to be in the right mindset to write a wedding scene. The support on this story has been increasing and it's blowing me away. Thank you all so much. I appreciate every favourite, follow, view or review. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Sometime after the first hour of watching Killian sleep she'd lost the battle with the pain medication and passed out herself. When she woke, disoriented and groggy once again, Killian wasn't with her. There was the vague feeling that he was supposed to be nearby. She'd gone to sleep with such a warm feeling and she desperately wanted to capture it again in her less than aware state. Emma pushed herself up, groaning when pain laced through her. She'd forgotten about the damned stitches and broken ribs. Immediately the one who she'd been looking for was standing over her, easing her back down.

"Easy, Swan," Killian murmured, settling her back against her pillow before reaching for the bed control and easing her up that way, using his prosthesis to hold her in place.

"How long have you been up?"

"A couple hours. It's past eleven in the morning."

"Did we sleep the whole night?"

Killian shook his head. "I didn't. You did. Perks of pain meds." He gave her a little wry smile, holding up his prosthesis to tell her he remembered those days. "Liam and Elsa came back just before visiting hours ended with a nurse and the three of them dragged me out of the hospital, quoting my need for a shower and proper meal. It had been a few days," he answered, raking his hand through his hair. It was then that she realized he was wearing different clothing, a soft forest green long sleeved shirt and clean but faded denim jeans, and his hair was fluffy from a recent wash. "But then the ward closed and I couldn't get back in so I stayed home until it opened this morning. I didn't want to leave," he hurried on when he saw Emma studying his appearance.

"It's fine, Killian," she answered quickly, realizing she'd been staring. But he was just so lovely and watching him made the morphine heat up in her veins. Yes, she could get addicted to this man if she let herself. "You're allowed to go home and shower and eat."

"I would have told you but you were out like a light and snoring."

"Because I was on pain meds," Emma retorted quickly, feeling her face heat up without her permission. It was as if now that Emma had truly committed to_ trying_ the thought of him catching her sounding like a warthog actually embarrassed her. Emma fought down the heat. She would_ not_ be that kind of girl.

"Sure. Because I haven't been around you sleeping before." Emma shot him a glare but it had very little heat to it. "Would it make you feel better if I said I smuggled bear claws in for you?"

"And?"

"Hot chocolate with cinnamon. I told you, lass," he said, handing over the goods. "I love you."

Now Emma's face turned red for a whole other reason. She took a quick sip of the hot chocolate, glad that Killian had had it sitting in the room for a while so she didn't scald her throat. Killian just smiled, sitting back down. And he had reason it smile. Emma hadn't run, or gotten angry or upset. She'd just blushed.

"How is your prosthesis working?" Emma asked to give her something else to focus on.

"Good. It's strange. I've spent my whole life with a hand and then a few horrid months trying to get used to living without one. And now I've got a quasi-hand and it almost makes things even harder?"

Emma nodded. "It's stiff metal. It's going to take some getting used to."

"And it's even more visible." Emma nodded again, giving him a gentle look. She didn't forget the way he'd tried to hide his hand for as long as she'd known him. None of his sleeves would be long enough to cover the steel and in a t-shirt, the entire arm portion of black plastic would be visible. And shirtless-

"But do you think you'll keep it?" Emma asked shaking her head subtly to focus, reaching over and touching the cold metal.

"I think so. And I mean, I've got my Halloween costume picked out forever now. How convenient is that?"

"Let me guess, Captain Hook?" Emma asked with an eye roll.

Killian snorted, grinning back. "They say after some physio I'll feel more confident with it."

"When do you start physio?"

"If Mary Margaret had her way, yesterday," he answered wryly. Obviously getting his prosthesis hadn't gotten Mary Margaret to calm down. "But my first appointment is tomorrow. They say you're getting discharged then too so I was thinking I could go to my appointment first and then pick you up?" Killian glanced down at his prosthesis, pulling the two hooks apart and then letting them snap closed again. "If you're hell bent on being alone then I'll drop you at your place but I'd really like it if you'd come home with me for a bit. It's closer to the hospital for your appointments."

"And the court house," a low voice said from the door, startling them both. Emma shot a glance and smiled. Graham waited there, in uniform. Killian stood, confused as to why a cop would be showing up, but looking like he was ready to protect her honour no matter what. Emma reached over, waving for Killian to sit again.

"Hello, Graham," Emma called, moving her hand to wave the officer in. "Killian, this is Officer Humbert."

Realization dawned on Killian and he jumped up again, striding towards Graham. His movements were sharp and purposeful. Every clack of his sneaker sole, every swing of his arm across the small space showed just how much of a Navy man he had been, displayed the Navy man he still was. When he reached Graham Killian stuck out his hand to which the other man took after only a moment of shock.

"Thank you for saving her," Killian said in a quiet, emotion filled voice.

"Just doing my job," Graham answered, a bit awkward. "Emma's been a friend for a long while."

"I'm still here, boys," Emma called, irritated but mostly embarrassed. She could look after herself. Killian stepped back with a nod, shooting her a wink. Emma rolled her eyes in response.

"Sorry, Emma. How are you feeling?"

"Sore. But are we going to talk about why you're actually here when you're obviously on duty?"

She was starting to feel antsy. No one had ever told her what had happened to Tom. Most of the memories she had from the casino were a jumbled mess. She remembered the gunshots and Tom's anguished cries but not where the bullets had landed. Was Tom still alive and going to stand trial for what he'd done? Or was he dead? Had Emma nearly gotten killed for no justice?

"So perceptive," Graham drawled. Killian offered the chair he'd been using then sat on the bed next to Emma. Killian laid his hand against Emma's leg, stroking it through the sheet with his thumb. She took a deep breath and Killian squeezed her calf in response. It was only Killian's hand that stopped Emma from shouting for answers.

"So what's going on with the man Emma caught?" Killian asked before Emma could start demanding. Sometimes it scared her how he knew what she was going to do before she did.

"Tom has been apprehended. He is currently being treated for injuries to his shoulder and knee."

"You didn't kill him?" Emma asked shocked. She'd heard the gunshots and assumed they'd been aimed at Tom's chest.

"Did you really think I would, Emma?" Graham replied, sounding a bit surprised. "You put too much work into this case not to have this man sent to jail for a very long time. His court case will be heard in a few weeks. Tom is being held on cases of fraud, child abuse and neglect and attempted murder."

Emma rushed out a heavy breath. Emotions swirled inside her. Fear made itself felt first. It was like she was six years old again. It was the first time she'd reported a foster care home and also the last. Because she hadn't been taken out, instead the foster parents being put on probation and it had made everything worse. She'd been beaten the next day. It was also the first time she'd run away. But it wasn't the last.

After the fear came the loneliness. She was fourteen and sitting on the lawn in front of Tom's abandoned house, waiting with her foster brothers for the van with the social worker to show up. The social worker had stooped to comfort the younger of the two boys who'd been crying and had patted the older on the back. But no one had done anything for the sullen girl who had a record that scared even the bravest social workers. No one was willing to risk a reaction from Emma and sitting in the back of the van she realized she'd caused that. She'd let life get to her and break her. In that moment she'd never felt more alone.

And then the sadness welled up to crush Emma with memories. This time she was sixteen and faced with the reality that she was aging out of the system and had never been adopted. No one wanted the girl who was too hardened and too scared to be nice. No one could deal with the outbursts of a girl who'd immediately explode if someone touched her, said something to her, looked at her wrong. No one understood that she was trying to protect herself from the world who seemed to hate her. She'd spent many nights up, looking out the window debating her situation until one night she'd decided it was no longer was going to wait. Emma ran away the next night. If no one was going to choose her then she wasn't going to wait until the very end. It would have crushed her beyond repair had she waited around until her eighteenth birthday and been kicked out, alone and broke. At least running away she could make the choice to be alone and broke on her own time. She'd met Neal not long after and everything had gone to shit.

But underneath all the other emotions, quiet but firm was the relief. The sense of pride. Emma had done it. Yes, she was now well into her twenties and no longer that terrified lost girl being thrown around as she tried to find a home but she'd gotten her justice on the system that had tried it's best to destroy her. She'd nearly died doing it but she was still alive and was going to be able to testify. She could put Tom away, possibly for life with all the counts she could testify for. Emma was no longer that girl Tom had known. Now she was independent. She was really good at her job (stabbing aside). She had an actual home. She had her car. She had friends. She had Killian.

"Swan?" Killian's voice cut through the onslaught. She focused on him and realized her eyes had gone blurry. She was crying. "Are you okay?"

Emma nodded, wiping furiously at her eyes. "When do I testify?" Emma asked Graham who was now looking a bit uncomfortable. He probably thought it was his fault.

"Three weeks. I'll call when we get closer to question you, okay?" Graham stood. "I should leave you two. Feel better, Emma."

Killian stood and walked Graham to the door before shutting it and turning back around to face Emma. "Are you okay? For real?"

She took a steadying sip of her now long cold hot chocolate. "Yeah. I'm okay. It was just a lot there for a moment. It made all this feel really real. I didn't mean to cry. Honestly, I'm just really relieved."

"It's okay to cry," Killian replied, coming back to the bed. This time he didn't sit next to her feet. He slid gently into bed right beside her. Emma laid her head against his shoulder, feeling the tears run across her cheek and onto his shirt. "You've been through a lot in your life, love. This is a natural response."

Emma nodded, cheek pulling at his soft shirt. "But you know what they say. One door closes?"

"And one door opens," Killian finished. "This is a hell of a door to close. Congratulations, love."

"Help me keep it closed?"

"My pleasure." Killian kissed the top of her head. "But you may want to give me some of that bear claw so I can keep my strength up."

Emma snorted out a wet laugh before shoving a huge chunk into her mouth. "I think I can keep it closed myself, then."

"I've no doubt you can," Killian replied, sincere. "But I'm still hungry." Emma rolled her eyes and handed over the other half of her bear claw. Once Killian had eaten it she bent over and kissed the sugar off his lips because if sharing her food wasn't a sign that she was letting this man into her heart she didn't know what was.


	26. Better

_A/N:_ Just two more chapters after this. One's already written and just needs to be edited. Expect the next chapter on Friday. I originally was going to split this into two but I've had a rough day with being bullied (I'm in uni, like come on!) so I wanted to do something nice and also put up a chapter that would be better for you all. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I know I quite like it. Thank you for all the support and for letting me use my ANs as rants and personal word vomits (it really helps to just write down, especially when I know how amazing this community is, whether you read them or not!). We just passed 200 reviews as well which was amazing. Let me know what you think of this one! Many many thanks! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Killian showed up around ten in the morning the next day, a brown bag hanging from his prosthesis and two coffees balanced on a paper tray in his handHe was wearing a white t-shirt with his favourite grey hoodie pulled over it and a pair of dark heather grey sweatpants. It was an outfit for physiobut it made Emma feel warm inside. It reminded her of the first talks she'd had with Killian, back when he was starting to run again and how she used to imagine him, sweaty and winded and oh so delectable.

"Morning, lass," he greeted, coming into the room.

"Morning," she replied, pulling herself from thoughts of when she'd be okayed for a romp in the sheets with Killian.

If Killian noticed anything about her train of thought he didn't say. Instead he swept over, setting the food down on his chair and hitting the button to make the bed move upwards. The pain of the stitches wasn't so bad anymore, the broken ribs the worst so she managed to keep quiet this time. The pain was lessened by the both terrifying and welcome realization that she hadn't even had to ask Killian to help her, he'd just done it because he knew she hated trying to eat flat on her back. Once the bed had stopped moving he handed over a bagel with cream cheese and her usual hot chocolate with cinnamon.

"What time's your appointment?" Emma asked after she'd swallowed her first bite.

"In about a half an hour. I'm going to go to that and then I'll come back here and we can go back to my place?" Killian phrased the last little bit like a question. The previous night Emma had agreed to go stay at Killian's until she was feeling better. It was as if, after Killian had left for the night, he figured she'd changed her mind.

"Sounds good," Emma answered as nonchalantly as she could. She wanted Killian to know that she wasn't going to get terrified and run. Yes, the idea of practically moving in with Killian for a week or so was daunting but she hadn't changed her mind. Emma had been forever denying herself what she wanted because she thought it would hurt her. That was until she realized that denying the one person she wanted most had nearly gotten her killed. She wanted to spend time with Killian and if staying with him was how that was going to happen then she'd do it gladly.

Killian shot her a surprised look, as if he'd been prepared for Emma to tell him to take her home instead. A shot of guilt ran through her. She'd done that. She'd made him insecure in their relationship because of all the running she'd been doing. Yes, she had good reason at the start but not now. Now she trusted Killian. Instead of saying anything that might make it more awkward, Emma just smiled softly.

They ate in relative silence. There was nothing awkward about it, though. To Emma it seemed like practice for the next while when they would be living together. Emma could see their mornings and it excited her more than it unnerved her._ Killian would get up earlier than her- too early Emma would grumble then roll over and go back to sleep. When she woke Killian would be at the kitchen counter, sitting at one of the stools and nursing his second cup of coffee, the pot beside him still full enough for Emma to have her fill as well. He'd be fresh from a shower since he liked to run in the mornings before the park got too busy, the smell of his body wash filling the space around him. He'd always be happy to see her and she'd be happy to see him too- even though she grumbled her greetings because she hadn't had her jolt of liquid energy yet._ Emma wanted that so, so much. Not just for a week- but she'd focus on that at a later date when she could process it calmly. She needed to not be overwhelmed now so she wouldn't run and make Killian even more insecure about their relationship.

Ten minutes before his appointment Killian left the room, pressing a sweet kiss to her forehead before slipping out. The room felt instantly emptier, and not just in the way of there being a whole person gone. It felt emptier because Killian filled Emma with all sorts of things she'd never let herself feel, at least not in years.

Shaking herself out of the mood she could feel creeping up on her, the anger and bitterness at what she'd denied herself, Emma slowly stood. Elsa had dropped off a bag with some clothing in it to take to Killian's the previous night when she'd heard Emma's plans. While the pain was much less now, especially since she was still hooked up to a painkiller drip, it still made dressing difficult as moving her arms pulled at her stitches or jostling her ribs uncomfortably. She dug through the bag, finding a loose grey t-shirt, long oatmeal coloured cardigan and denim shorts. She slid the pants on first, trying to get covered up before the nurse came in with her discharge papers and saw her bare ass. It wasn't too difficult to get the shorts on, so long as she bent at the knee and not the waist and stood straight back up, pulling the bottoms with her. When Emma went to put on her shirt she realized the bras Elsa had packed her not going to be able to go on. The center bit of the underwire would rest right on her stitches which seemed like the least fun wound covering ever. While Emma might not particularly want to go braless, she figured Killian wouldn't mind. It took some very slow wrangling to get the t-shirt over her head. By the time she was fully dressed, Emma's eyes were pricked with tears and she was huffing in shallow breaths in an attempt not to anger her ribs further. She lay back down on the bed, willing herself to push the pain away.

A nurse came in to distract her shortly after, making Emma sign discharge papers and review her case file. There wasn't much in it, Emma's fear of hospitals keeping it empty. As a kid the state mandated had her to go to the hospital if needed. But since she aged out there was nothing. As Emma flipped through it she reached her information page. There was a question mark beside the_ next of kin._ Elsa's words came back to her._ She hasn't ever thought she was worth it enough to believe I actually wanted to be her emergency contact._

"Do you have a pen?" Emma asked, glancing up at the nurse who was watching her intently.

The nurse smiled and passed over one. Emma took it, letting it hover over the line. When Emma had filled this sheet out years ago, she'd had no one. Now she had multiple people. There was a part of her that wanted to immediately write down Killian Jones. She had meant it when she wanted to learn to love and try her best with Killian. And that meant she was in this for the long haul. But she stopped just short of writing it because she hadn't even told him she loved him yet or decided if she could love him right now. Emma looked back up at the nurse.

"Can I change this in the future?" she asked, voice quiet, almost afraid of the answer.

"Of course. People often change it when they get married."

_Married?_ Woah, okay, she wasn't thinking that far in advance. She hadn't even said the big three words yet. But good to know.

"Okay, thanks." Emma put the pen to paper and put Elsa's contact information on the line. Elsa would be pleased when she found out. Emma closed the case file and handed it back to the nurse who left with a smile.

It had always felt fine having no one as her next of kin. She'd always felt like she didn't deserve it. If there was no one to contact if she was hospitalized then there was no one could not show up or leave her. But when she'd seen the blank line it just felt sad. Not for her life but for herself. She'd kept it blank even though Elsa had said multiple times she could. But having it filled in now felt good. Better than just fine. It felt right.

"You ready to go?" Emma glanced up from her phone as Killian came into the room. The expression on his face was warring between caution and absolute excitement.

"Yeah, let's go." Emma grasped her bag, holding it in her lap.

Killian hurried over to her, catching her by the elbow to pull her upwards gently. Emma groaned as her muscles protested the movement, slinging her bag up onto her arm. Before Emma could take a step towards the door Killian pulled her into his arms, prosthesis under her knees, hand holding behind her shoulders to avoid putting pressure on her ribs. Emma was in his arms and nestled against his chest before she realized she wasn't on the floor anymore. It was just like when she'd gotten the concussion and he'd carried her around.

"What are you doing?" Emma asked, a bit breathless.

"Physio says I need to keep working out to get my strength back to where it was before."

"Is this you calling me fat?" Emma asked, her tone good natured. She knew Killian would never do that but the happiness of having someone as her emergency contact made her giddy enough to want to pester him a bit.

"Absolutely not!" Killian replied, slightly offended. "I'm just saying you're far lovelier to carry around than dumb bells." To strengthen his point he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head.

"Well if you insist, let's get moving." Emma gestured towards the door.

The nurses gave them some strange glances as they made their way towards the elevator. One offered Killian a wheelchair but he nobly declined. When they'd reached the ground floor and were moving out into the parking lot Emma could feel Killian's heart thumping from exertion. Killian didn't stop though, not putting her down until they'd reached his black truck. Killian opened the door for her, breathing hard, and Emma slid in, giving his cheek a kiss as she did.

"Thank you," Emma told him when he'd crossed around the front of the truck and gotten in.

"You're welcome, love." Killian turned the key in the ignition then made sure the hook of his prosthesis was secured around the wheel. "Would you like to stop for some lunch on the way or just go back to my place?"

"Let's just go home," Emma answered, only realizing after she saw Killian stiffen what she'd said. "I mean, we just had breakfast. We can always order something in later," Emma continued on, trying to both cover for her words as well as show him she wasn't backing down from their plan.

"Sounds good," Killian replied after a moment, voice low.

The rest of the short drive to Killian's place was quiet, each lost in their own thoughts. Emma was stunned at her casual use of home. She'd gone years of her life without ever saying the word because she was so conscious that she'd never had one and now she was throwing it around in relation to someone else's place? She hadn't really meant anything by it but it was the fact that before she'd met Killian she'd rarely even called her own apartment_ home_. It was always her_ place_ or her_ house._ And now that was all changing. Maybe four walls wasn't a home? Maybe it was actually what filled it?

They were both still quiet when Killian pulled up in front of his apartment building. Killian hopped out, hurrying around to open her door.

"Can I walk up the stairs myself?" Emma asked, Killian's face immediately falling, retracting in on itself. Emma saw it for what it was- his fear that she was changing her mind because of her little slip. It wasn't the reason though, not really. It was more to do with the marriage quip the nurse had made and how when it compounded with the idea of home, made carrying her up seem like a husband carrying his new wife over the threshold. "But if you want to be a gentleman you can carry my bag," Emma added with a little smile.

Killian gave her a funny little bow before taking her bag and sliding it over his shoulder. Emma slid out and took his elbow so he could still use his hand but Emma could hold onto him. The further up the stairs she got the more she wished she'd allowed Killian to carry her up. With each step she leaned more on Killian's arm but he didn't say anything, just leaned closer to her to prop her up like a cane. This was the most she'd walked since she'd been stabbed and by the time she reached the door to Killian's place her ribs were protesting and she was light headed.

"What would you like to do, love?" Killian asked as he let her into his apartment, guiding her to the kitchen bar stool.

Emma leaned back in the chair, watching as Killian poured them both a glass of water. Emma took hers, gulping it back to try and revive herself before answering.

"Would you mind if I had a bit of a nap before anything?" she asked. She would rather have stayed out with Killian, trying to mend and better what they had but she was going to fall asleep on the counter if she tried.

"Of course, Swan," he answered, coming around the counter. "You need to rest." Killian took her hand and led her into his bedroom.

This was the first time she'd ever been in the room. They usually stayed at Emma's place when they spent the night together because Emma would pick him up after Elsa's class, or he would show up to escape Mary Margaret's fussing. It was also closer to Granny's, a perk they both enjoyed. The only time Emma had slept at Killian's had been when she'd fallen asleep on his couch after spilling her story to him. It felt a little weird sleeping for the first time in his bed without him but sleeping on the couch would do her ribs in.

Killian's bedroom was neat and orderly, the same older style room as the rest of the apartment. The higher than normal ceilings made it feel lighter though, as did the cream walls. The bed was the largest item in the room, a queen sized bed with a thick, old looking headboard. It almost looked as if it had come with the apartment as it matched the old style of the dresser that was pushed off to the side. The bedspread was a thick navy duvet, made out of a material that looked like soft denim, but tucked in with a precision one would expect with a thin coverlet. How Killian was managing to do that with just one hand blew Emma away and made her slightly embarrassed of the state her own place was always in when he was over. There were a couple of pictures on the walls, all in matching frames. One of the pictures was an old and creased one of Liam and Killian as children, another was double frame, one side of Liam graduating Navy training, Killian's arm slung around his shoulders as he held up a beer in celebration, the other of Killian on his own graduation day, Liam looking on in his captain's uniform, face glowing with pride. It made the room homey in a way that the rest of the apartment wasn't. The whole apartment was nice but this was purposeful- almost as if it had been decorated by a different person. It made sense- Killian hadn't had a place before his injury. The pictures must have been put up by Liam in an attempt to make the bedroom comfortable during his recovery.

One of the picture frames didn't match the others though. It was one of Killian's own drawings, another pastel piece of Emma, her back showing as she cut up tomatoes in a kitchen. The lines weren't straight, as if she were behind a sheet of water. This must have been one of the earlier drawings Killian had done, back before Mary Margaret had found his sketch book. Taped to the frame was the list Killian had made all that time ago. Everything was crossed off. He'd done everything he'd set out to do.

"If you keep drawing pictures of me I'm going to think you're a stalker," Emma said after a moment of studying its beauty, not sure what else to say. Emotions of pride and embarrassment and wonder were swirling through her.

"If it bothers you I can take it down," Killian answered sheepishly, hand twitching in Emma's as he fought off the desire to scratch behind his ear.

"No, it's lovely." Emma reached her free hand up to run a finger over the frame. "I'm glad you can capture memories like this." She turned away, shooting Killian a small smile. He was watching her with a look that told her he was going to be drawing her later. It was a little strange, to have someone who would draw her doing nothing special, creating something beautiful out of the quiet moments, but it wasn't bad. It just took some getting used to after growing up as she did.

She moved away from where they were standing towards the bed, the mattress calling her name. She sat down on the edge, not wanting to burrow in straight away when it wasn't her own. Killian caught her hesitation, moving around her and pulling the sheets down. He pulled her up towards the head of the bed before pulling the duvet over her. Emma watched as he moved, getting his prosthesis caught in the sheets once but otherwise moving with gentleness as he tried to sooth her nerves. Before he left her he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.

"Come back here," Emma called, catching his wrist. She pulled him down and kissed his lips. "Thank you for being sweet," she told him once she'd let him go.

He nodded, looking as if she'd hung the moon though she'd done nothing that she could tell but mess up his nicely made bed. "Thank you for letting me care for you." With that Killian left the room, flicking off the light and shutting the door a bit to keep it quiet.

_Emma ran through the maze of slot machines. She couldn't find the way out. Every foot she went caused the path to close in on her. She wouldn't be able to go much further before they crushed her._

_There were footsteps behind her. She turned, hoping it was someone come to rescue her. But it wasn't someone who would help her. It was Tom. He was bleeding from gunshots in his shoulder and knee and his eyes were red._

_"You wretched bitch!" he screamed, coming towards her with a knife that was much larger than the one she remembered had pierced her skin. "Why did you have to ruin my life?"_

_"You certainly helped ruin my life," Emma shouted back, trying to step away from Tom. She could feel the slot machines pressing against her shoulders now._

_"Obviously not enough." Emma balked at that, desperately shuffling her feet backwards. She bumped into the machines, having totally cut her off and trapped her there with Tom. "You're such a bitch. Have you told those you love how broken you are? How fucked up you are? No one could ever love you because you're just going to ruin them. I'm helping everyone by killing you," he snarled before he pounced._

Emma bolted upright with a scream, hand going up to protect her face. The door to the room flew open and she screamed again, expecting Tom. When the last vestiges of the nightmare fell away the outline of the man in the door focused to a very worried Killian.

"Swan?" he asked, hurrying to her side and catching her arms to prevent her from hurting herself. His prosthetic was off so he had to hold her arms in one hand, while he ran his stump up and down her arm. "It's okay. It was just a dream."

Emma nodded, wanting to press herself against Killian but holding back because of Tom's vile words._ You're just going to ruin them._ They weren't true. Emma wasn't a bad person. She_ wasn't._ Tom was the villain, not Emma.

"Swan?" Killian asked again, worry saturating his voice. When his stump touched her chin she realized she'd been angrily shaking her head to rid herself of Tom.

She pulled in a deep breath, ribs protesting. She did it again, using the pain to ground her. "I'm okay," she answered, voice shaky.

"I don't believe you," Killian replied gently before leaning over and kissing her cheek. Her skin warmed under his lips. Tom had been so wrong. Emma wasn't going to ruin Killian. And Killian wasn't going to ruin her. They were okay.

"It was just a nightmare," Emma answered, her voice growing in strength. "It can't hurt me now."

"That's my girl," he answered, releasing her arms. He brought his hand up and brushed a sweaty lock from her hair. She cringed, not realizing how gross her nightmare sweat had made her, especially since she hadn't showered since before the casino.

"Do you think I could have a shower?"

"You're not really supposed to get your stiches wet like that," he answered, again running his fingers through her hair, as if the grease didn't bother him. Which was sweet but also made her uncomfortably embarrassed. In true Killian style, he saw it. "But I have an idea. Come on."

Killian stood and lead her out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. She followed, confused but curious. Was he going to make her wash in the sink? Her ribs wouldn't stand having to bend over like that and move her arms at the same time. But Killian didn't just show her the sink and move away. Instead he grabbed the bar stool and pulled it over to the double sink.

"Sit," he ordered. She did as told, watching him with a raised brow. Killian disappeared into the bathroom and returned with some towels and a bottle of his own shampoo. He set the stuff down on the counter before turning on the tap.

"What are you doing?" Emma asked, watching as Killian ran his fingers under the tap, checking the temperature.

"Washing your hair," he answered as if that were the most normal thing in the world.

"What?" Emma asked in a shocked whisper. Not even as a child could she remember someone washing her hair. She'd had to learn to shower as a very young child because no one in her orphanages had enough time to allow a little girl to play in a tub and by the time she reached foster care homes again she was too jaded to let anyone do it. Emma could imagine the Swan's washing her hair for her at the beginning but she didn't remember and it didn't matter since they'd given her back. "Why?"

"Because you want to feel clean, Swan, and I want you to be comfortable."

"I'm okay," she answered quickly, not wanting Killian to be doing this out of guilt for her messed up dreams.

"I know you are. But that doesn't mean I can't help you feel better than okay. And if washing your lovely golden locks is going to do that, then I will do it until my hand falls off. And that's something since I've only got one," he added cheekily, giving her a little smirk. She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling, once again touched by this silly, caring man who for some reason figured she was an okay person to spend his time with. "Let me do this for you."_ Let me feel capable._

"Thank you," she said with a nod. Emma settled back on the chair, leaning her head towards the spray. She watched Killian pondering the hair spilling into the empty sink.

"I've only got one hand so I've trouble even washing my own hair sometimes so I'm sorry if I get you wet." Killian worried at his lip, checking the temperature of the water again.

"But just think of what fun getting me wet might be?" Emma answered saucily to distract him. Killian groaned in response, butting his hips against the chair.

This wash wasn't just for Emma and each second had made that more clear. Killian needed proof that he could take care of her, mind, body and soul. Since he so often felt helpless he needed reminding that he wasn't. Killian's arm might have heeled but his mind, his soul, hadn't yet. That man who made a bed like it was made of stone, who ran ten miles a day, who'd worked since he was eighteen for the navy before being discharged with his life upside down was still in Killian and clawing for a way out. Emma could help him with that. They couldn't heal each other, that wasn't fair. But they could heal_ together._

The water now up to temperature, Killian guided Emma back a little farther before gathering her hair over his stump and turning the sprayer on it. Meticulously Killian wet the strands from root, using his stump as a kind of dam to stop the water from falling down her forehead, to tip. Once he was satisfied he set down the sprayer and flicked open the shampoo, squeezing a bit directly onto her head. With strong fingers he worked it through, massaging Emma's scalp, starting behind the ears.

"Sorry about the smell of it," Killian murmured as he rubbed tiny circles into the scalp near her temple.

"It's fine," Emma replied, breathless. She could feel the tension from her nightmare leaving with every little rub and press. She actually moaned when he started working back towards her crown.

"If you don't stop that noise, I'm going to have to take you right here, ribs be damned," Killian growled, stopping his massage.

"Maybe you should wash my hair again when I'm healed," Emma suggested, wiggling her head to get him started again. She knew she was being greedy, demanding more of what he'd freely given, but it just felt so good. This was a tenderness she'd never known before.

"Oh don't worry, I will," Killian replied, part husky and part pouty.

Washing down the length of her hair was a bit more difficult for him but he managed to get it suds up by moving the hair with his fingers and stump against the side of the sink. Killian murmured and cursed to himself as he did, but let out a quiet cheer when he figured out how to do it. Emma just smiled.

Killian only sprayed her a little bit when he rinsed out her hair. Emma got him back by shaking her hair out like a dog to which he murmured something about_ being thankful for her ribs stopping his plundering._

When her hair had been fully washed he bundled her hair up in a large towel and came around to face her.

"Better?" he asked.

Emma nodded, kissing him as thanks. "Better?" she asked.

At first he looked shocked that she'd caught on but then he just smiled that gentle smile that seemed like it was only for her. "Always with you darling," he answered, leading her over to the couch. "Always with you."


	27. Questioning

_A/N:_ Just the epilogue left! I'm glad you've all stuck around with me and am so thankful that you've supported me through this story which has been the hardest one I've ever written on here! I hope you like this chapter. The epilogue will be up next week once I figure out how I want to end it but until then keep an eye out for Operation Albatross's newest chapter coming either tonight or tomorrow. It's the wedding chapter and I'm very excited about it. Thanks for all the support! Let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

Living with Killian was a lot easier than Emma expected. Killian doted on her constantly and Emma, while it at times frustrated her to be so coddled because of its novelty, she accepted it because for Killian it was healing. Emma would get her space when Killian went running or when she was cleared to have a shower (though she did tow Killian in with her on occasion) and that helped keep her focused and stave off the desire to run until she was alone. Liam and Elsa visited on Emma's third day at Killian's house, bringing her more clothing and her own toiletries and Mary Margaret showed up unexpected one morning- only her delivery of breakfast keeping the sleeping couple from beheading her.

The week she spent with Killian was one of the best weeks she'd ever had. Yes she was constantly sore and sometimes overwhelmed by his kindness but she was never lonely and never wanted for anything. Each day brought something new for Emma. One day Killian surprised her by bending down to tie her shoes. She'd been in shock and Killian had admitted that he'd asked to practice it at physio so she wouldn't have to bend and hurt her ribs. Another day he arrived home from a run carrying a candle so the apartment wouldn't smell like a guy anymore. They were little things to most people but to Emma they were huge.

The little gestures Killian did for her made her want to do the same in return. Emma wasn't the best at the cute things so she spent Killian's runs debating what she could do to make him feel as appreciated- as loved?- as he made her feel. One day while Killian was out helping Liam she went to the store then replaced all the heads of Killian's shampoos and body washes with pump heads since the flip lids were hard for him when the bottles got wet and slippery which was why most were smashed up. She didn't tell him she'd done it but after his first shower he'd kissed her senseless. Another day she was feeling all kinds of corny and made him breakfast in bed- or at least attempted it. The pancakes were too hard to eat and the bacon was too crispy but Killian just smiled, took a picture of it for future blackmail, then got up and made them a new and edible breakfast.

It wasn't to say they didn't frustrate each other, Emma pulling back when Killian told her he loved her during a particularly overwhelmed moment after seeing a story on Tom's trial on the news, or Killian hiding in his room when phantom pains struck him and he felt guilty for ruining their movie night. But it wasn't the end of the world. Neither one of them stormed out of the apartment or yelled. They might walk away but they came back. Emma still couldn't say she loved him but she was beginning to really feel it.

A week after her discharge from the hospital Emma was woken up by her phone ringing. She grumbled, rolled over and grabbed the noisy little machine. It was probably Killian wondering what he could pick up for breakfast on the way home from his run.

"Hello?"

"Emma, its Graham." Okay, so it wasn't a phone call about whether she wanted cinnamon rolls or bear claws.

Emma sat up, pushing her tangled hair from her face. "Hi, what's up?" she asked, tension building in her stomach.

"Well, I'm calling to see if you can come in today. We need to question you."

"Today?" Emma's fingers pulled at Killian's soft duvet, ripping at the little pulls.

"Yeah. I know I told you a few weeks but the lawyers want to question you because there's been a cancellation at the court house so they're moving up the trial. I'll warn you now though, Em. It might not be pretty. The defense lawyer's going to be there. But it will be practice for the actual trial. Can you come in at 10:00?"

That wasn't really a question. Only one answer would be accepted. "Sure. I'll be there."

"Okay, see you soon."

"Yeah." Emma hung up the phone, swallowing thickly. This was what she wanted wasn't it? Yes. But she didn't want to dig up the things she hadn't even told Killian or Elsa.

Emma got up and dressed in a bit of a daze, mind spiraling into her memories of the system. Nothing about her life then was pretty. But wasn't that how her life went? One week of bliss with the man of her dreams before she was thrown back into the shit storm she'd barely escaped? All Emma could hope for was that whatever came out of this questioning didn't ruin the little confidence she'd built up for the good things in her life and cause her to destroy them.

Killian found her sitting at the counter with an untouched cup of coffee in her hands when he got back from his run. He hurried over immediately, leaning down to look into her eyes.

"What's wrong, Swan?"

"Can you drive me to the police station?" she asked, fingers gripping the warm ceramic. The heat did nothing to soothe her stormy inside though. "They moved up the trial. I need to be there in fifteen minutes. I know I could have gone myself but I wanted to wait for you," she trailed off.

"Of course. Come on." Killian took her elbow and led her out of the apartment. The trip to the police station was silent, Killian recognizing that Emma needed her space to think. The silence continued until he pulled up out front of the large brick building.

"Swan, before you go I just want to say something," Killian said, grabbing her hand to keep her from jumping out of the truck. "Whatever happens in there just remember Swan, you aren't that girl you were before. You're strong, beautiful and oh so loved. Okay?"

Emma nodded, giving Killian's hand a squeeze, trying to convey what her voice wouldn't allow. She let go and slid out of the truck. When her feet hit the ground she straightened her shoulders and marched inside. The lawyers wouldn't see her quake, no matter how she was actually feeling.

Graham met her just inside the door. "Okay?"

She shook her head but kept her voice steady. "Show me where I need to be."

Graham nodded and gestured her forward. Emma kept her eyes straight ahead as she followed Graham through the station. She didn't want to see people looking at her and talking about her past. She didn't want to see the judge-y looks or the pity for the foster girl. If she saw that she might lose what little nerve she had left.

Graham opened the door to one of the station's boardrooms and led her in. Seated at the long table were two men dressed in suits, one with messy dark hair, while the other, an older man, had longer brown strands. A video camera sat between them, focused at a single chair on the other side of the table. Graham led Emma straight to the chair before moving behind her and leaning up against the wall.

"Good morning Ms. Swan," the man with the darker hair greeted, extending his hand for her to shake. Emma took it, proud of her lack of trembling. "My name is Jefferson Hatter, I am the prosecution on this case."

"And I am Robert Gold," the other man added, interrupting Jefferson. Gold didn't shake her hand, just shuffled his papers and picked up a pen. Emma swallowed, already knowing that didn't like this man. "I will be defending this case."

They both were silent, watching Emma. She forced herself to nod, keeping her chin high afterwards. It was reassuring to feel Graham behind her and she concentrated on that.

"If you're ready to go, Ms. Swan, I'd like to turn on the camera now and start our questioning. This interview will be comprised of the questions we require to build our case at the trial since you will be standing against Tom. Currently he is arrested for attempted murder against yourself but you can also testify against Tom's character for his system fraud and child abuse charges. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

Hatter nodded and turned on the camera. "What is your name, for the record?"

"Emma Swan."

"No middle name?"

"No." Both men started scrawling notes on their papers. Emma forced herself to keep looking straight at the camera lens instead of at what they were writing, even though it was probably just her name.

"Age?" Gold asked.

"Twenty four."

"Location of birth?"

"I don't know."

Gold raised his eyebrows at that. "And why don't you know that?"

"I am an orphan." Emma kept her voice a low monotone. They knew this already. Gold was just trying to get under her skin. "There are no records."

"So you met Tom in the foster care system?"

"Yes." The fact that they obviously knew the answers before they stated the questions irritated Emma. She didn't like to have people assume things about her like that.

"How old were you?"

"Fourteen."

"And what was Tom like then?"

Emma was quiet for a moment, thinking of the best way to clearly frame her answer. "Tom was very inattentive. He did not care about what we, meaning myself and two boys who were there at the same time, did. Unless we got in his way. Then he got abusive. I was slapped and hit several times but the two boys got it worse. They'd been in the system less and didn't know how to keep their heads down. One day we came home and Tom was gone. He'd run and abandoned the three of us with no warning to the system. A neighbour called Child Protective Services and they came and got us later that afternoon. That was the last time I saw Tom until a few weeks ago."

"Fourteen is a very interesting age, wouldn't you say Ms. Swan?" Gold asked, pen pausing over the paper. Emma narrowed her eyes.

"Nothing special for me."

"Then why do you remember Tom? I must say many teenage girls I know are over dramatic."_ Are you lying?_

Emma squeezed her hands into fists, nails biting into the skin of her palms. "I see no reason to lie."

"I never said you were lying." A quick smirk pulled up Gold's lips, seemingly mildly amused that Emma had picked up on his game.

"Not directly." Emma made sure she'd been staring straight at the camera when she said it so there would be no mistaking her words.

Now Gold's eyes narrowed. Emma kept looking straight ahead. Behind her Graham shuffled, uncomfortable. Hatter cleared his throat.

"Moving on. Ms. Swan, you said you were beaten? Why did you not call CPS?" Jefferson watched her closely while Gold scribbled furiously.

"It would do no good. I'd be moved to somewhere even worse."

"And were you when they picked you up?"

"Yes."

"And where was that?"

"A group home for those aging out of the system."

"And that was your last home in the system?"

"Yes."

"Ms. Swan, your file has you on record as being a trouble maker, violent, angry and a runaway. How do I know you have not carrying that into your adulthood and trying to frame an innocent man?" Gold asked, head cocked to the side.

"I've got forty-eight stitches and two cracked ribs that say he is not innocent."

"I am talking about the past."

"Tom has been reported as abusive and fraudulent multiple times. That behaviour didn't just start out of the blue. And what would I gain from lying? The man's already going to jail."

Emma knew she shouldn't get defensive. This was Gold's job. Gold wanted to make Emma look unfit, like a liar. She had to keep her head if she wanted Tom to go away for good.

Hatter once again cleared his throat. "How long were you in the home with Tom, Ms. Swan?"

"Three months."

Hatter nodded. "And you were abused several times in three months."

"Yes."

"Were you ever hospitalized for it?"

"No."

"And how did you know about Tom's case file anyways?" Gold asked.

"I'm a bounty hunter. I was given this case."

"To specifically hunt down Tom?"

"No. I was given this case because those at the station know I was in the system. I didn't know who Tom was. When I knew him it was ten years ago. Look at pictures- he doesn't look like the same man. His lifestyle will do that to a person."

"But you didn't remember his name?"

"I was been shuffled through over twenty foster care and group homes before I was sixteen. I can't tell you the name of more than a handful. You remember the names of the very best and the very worst. Tom was bad but he never pushed me in front of a moving car like another did."

That foster parent had been Ingrid. She'd been someone Emma initially thought she could live forever with. Ingrid was kind and funny and she even looked like Emma so people had on occasions thought they were a real family. She wanted to adopt Emma. But something happened, something Emma still couldn't quite figure out, and just after telling Emma the good news she tried to push her into the road and in front of a car. Emma had run then and been found in a bus stop while she was sleeping. Emma had been so distraught that a home had once again slipped out of her grasp that she'd forgotten never to sleep in public places and been sent back into the system. Ingrid hadn't been reported, the CPS worker just assuming Emma was indulging in her runaway habit again. Emma had kept tabs on Ingrid for a bit after she was released from jail and started bounty hunting. Eventually another foster child had reported her for erratic behaviour and her status as a foster parent had been revoked.

"And what happened when you located Tom?"

"The first time?"

"There were more?" Gold asked, showing the first sign of surprise of the whole event. Emma gave him a little smirk back_._

"Yes. The first time I found him it was a honey trap. I got him out of the casino and he recognized me, beat me up and gave me a concussion. There are others who can confirm the state he put me in. Security cameras as well." There was an indignant noise from Graham. Emma cringed. Maybe she should have told Graham about that incident before telling the lawyers.

"And why didn't you report that?" Hatter asked, his voice coloured with concern.

"I learned growing up in the system that reporting only make things worse. Stick with the bad in case something terrible happens. Grass is never greener, you know? I just wanted to catch him."

"And you found him a second time?"

"Yes."

"And how did that go?"

"I assume you know that already. I tracked Tom to a different casino and found him inside. I got him handcuffed and he attacked me afterwards. Tom threw me down after hitting me with a chair and pulled a knife. Graham- Officer Humbert arrived then and stopped Tom before he could kill me." Emma's hands were shook in her lap. She was still having nightmares about the incident and this was the first time she'd talked about it with someone other than Killian.

Killian didn't make her shake. Killian made her feel okay when she talked about it. Better than okay. Strong. Together and not shattered into a million pieces by her past or cut in half from Tom's knife. Killian would sit with her when she woke up in the middle of the night, terrified, and rub her back, or tell her stories about his life growing up with Liam to distract her. Never once had Killian pitied her. She wished more than ever that it wasn't Graham standing behind her but instead Killian. She missed him and knew she could find comfort in his arms.

The only other man Emma had ever thought she'd loved was Neal. And maybe she had loved him. But it wasn't the right kind of love. It was selfish and scared. It was angry and desperate. Neal had taught her not to trust, not to love when he'd let her take the fall for his crimes. There was only one thing Emma had learned from Neal that was positive. He'd told her once after asking about her background that "you don't have a home until you just miss it."

_You don't have a home until you just miss it._

A realization hit her then. She missed Killian Jones like she missed her home. She_ loved_ Killian Jones.

Emma's legs bounced against the chair, immediately antsy. She needed to go now. Killian needed to know how she felt. Right now. She was done sitting here with Hatter's pity and Gold's accusations. She'd been so scared to love Killian that he'd been giving her his all without her doing the same in return. He'd told her his feelings days ago and she hadn't returned them because she'd been scared of the truth. Well she knew it now. And Killian was about to too.

"I think I've answered all your questions, gentlemen. Graham, please let me know when the trial is." Emma stood, pushing back from the table. They all looked somewhat startled at her abrupt departure. Gold was the first to recover.

"Be careful, dearie," Gold called as she marched to the door. "This sort of insolence comes with a price." Emma whirled back to him, the warning in his tone grating against her beyond frayed nerves. This was a desperate move from the little imp who currently had his lips pulled back at her like a crocodile waiting to pounce. But Emma wasn't anyone's dinner. She had a man to talk to.

"You have all the evidence you need. There are security cameras, eye witnesses, years of records from the foster system, hospital records and my own statement. To put it bluntly_ dearie_, you are screwed." Emma slammed the door behind her and rushed out of the station.

Killian was still in the same parking spot as before, playing on his phone when she burst out of the police station. Emma hurried towards the truck and opened the door. When Killian looked up at her, blue eyes shining, her legs went to jelly, propelling her forwards onto the seat and nearly onto Killian's lap. He braced her upwards with a concerned look.

"What's wrong, Swan?"

"I love you."

Killian's eyes went wide. "Excuse me?"

"I. Love. You," Emma repeated, slower this time, heart soaring. Why had she been so scared of this? If felt good to finally accept her love for this wonderful man. But Emma didn't let the regret of waiting and being scared weigh her down. Instead, she grinned at the adorable look of awe on Killian's face. After a moment's pause Killian launched forwards, catching Emma's smile against his own. She let out a little squeak before sinking into the kiss.

"I don't want to sound rude, love, but why now?" Killian asked, pulling back.

Emma pulled in a breath, lacing her fingers together with Killian's to buy her a moment. It was all true but it still took her a second to think it through. Emma wasn't like Killian in that matter. She wasn't impulsive with her passion or good with her words. But when she felt it, it was oh so real.

"Inside, when they were asking about my foster care history, I realized I never had a home. Until you. You may not be four walls and a roof but you're my home. And I love you."

"You're my home too, Swan," Killian replied. And that statement was better than all the_ I love yous_ that had come before. Because not only had Emma found what she'd never had, she'd also given it to someone else.


	28. Epilogue: Enough

_A/N:_ So, here it is, the end. I know I said I'd put it up in a few days but my internet went out last night so I took the time to write this and finish the wedding chapter for Operation Albatross and I just really wanted to get it up. I know this is short but when I was writing it I was satisfied. I like the way the last chapter ended so I just used this to pull everything together. I hope you all feel the same. Thank you for all your support on this story. It was that support that kept me writing it because I wanted to stop many times because I was so frustrated with it. So, I hope you enjoy! Please, let me know what you think!

I've got my next AU planned out but I don't have a summary or title yet to give you. But I will tell you that it has no Neil or Milah in it. I've written multiple different stories using those two and the impacts they have on our characters. With this one I really want to concentrate on their families and how they have shaped the characters. It will include Brennan and both Liams (Killian's going to have quite the troubled home life). Emma will be battling with the abandonment of her parents who have left her to pursue a musical career with the orchestras in Europe, while struggling with her own musical talent that she attempts to subvert through self harm because music was how she lost her family. There will be character's I've never written like Liam Jr (Lee to Killian), Brennan, Granny and Regina (season 4/5 version). I don't know when it will go up because I have to concentrate on graduating university in two months but I'm really excited. If you want to check out my writing until then, Operation Albatross still has 4 chapters to go up.

Thanks and lots of love! Slimac

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators Adam and Eddie!

The jury shuffled back into the court house. Killian reached over and gave Emma's knee a squeeze. She appreciated him coming with her for the sentencing. Killian had also come to her date for testifying, making sure he sat in the front row, right in front of her, so she would be able to stare at him rather than Tom. Sometimes the man made her shake her head in disbelief.

Emma had testified a week previously, and the jury had been sent to their deliberation that morning. Emma had only shown up the morning she needed to be questioned because she no longer felt the need to be so devoted to the trial. She'd cried the night of the questioning but she hadn't cried the night after her visit to the trial. That questioning session had made her realize that she didn't need to dwell in the past. Her search for closure had been cried out and now, only her wait for justice was left.

Since the questioning, a month ago, Emma and Killian had moved forward. They still didn't live together as Emma and Killian both had leases to wait out, but they had cleared space in each of their closets for the other. Killian's spare toothbrush now sat next to Emma's in her bathroom and Emma's shampoo bottle was next to Killian's in his shower, a pump on that as well for their shower dates which would end in them panting but Killian washing her hair. They spent every night together, alternating every few days between the different apartments. It was enough for Emma. For now.

Killian had started working with his brother at the harbour. It was a lower intensity than what he was used to but he was happy to have a routine and purpose again beyond his various appointments. Liam was practically glowing each day at work when he found Killian sitting at his new desk, filling out paper work for the boat berths and arranging the movements Liam would go to the warf to control. Making his brother proud again was the best part of his job. And that, despite the somewhat boring days, was enough for Killian. For now.

They both knew they would change and move forward when the time was right. Emma thought about actually joining the police force instead of bounty hunting. Killian wanted to start boat tours eventually. That knowledge that they would be okay, no matter where life took them, was good. It was enough.

The judge motioned for the selected jury member to stand and read out the sentence. The jury member, a slight woman with red hair, stood and held up the paper in her hand. Emma drew in a deep breath. This was the end, the final chapter of her foster care story.

"We the jury declare the defendant guilty of attempted murder." A sigh of satisfaction went around the room. "We the jury declare defendant guilty of system fraud." Another rumbling in the audience. Killian's hand found Emma's. She gripped his back tightly. "We the jury declare defendant guilty of child abuse." The jury member sat down and there it was. Tom was going to jail for everything.

"You did it, Swan," Killian whispered into her ear.

"Yeah," she breathed out back, smiling into her lap, unsure what else to do.

That little girl who'd first reported a foster care home only to make things worse was finally vindicated. Emma could picture her, blonde hair in absolute dirty disarray, standing tall and proud now. This was what she'd wanted for the past twenty years and now she'd done it. Yes she'd gone through years of abuse and neglect but this was proof of what she'd never let herself believe after that first incident. Emma was powerful. Emma was strong. Emma was capable. And that knowledge, after all these years, was enough.

But what was more than enough? That look of pride on Killian's eyes. The way he held her. The way he picked her up and twirled her around when the court was dismissed. Elsa and Liam waiting just outside the doors of the court house to hug her, congratulate her for beating her past. The way they all went out to dinner at Granny's afterwards and Killian decided he_ had_ to obnoxiously share a sundae with her then kiss the chocolate sauce from her lips. The way they laid down together that night at her place but it no longer felt like_ her_ bed. It felt like_ their_ bed.

Yeah, Emma's life was more than enough.


End file.
